The First Signs

I wasn't looking forward to this bit. I knew deep down, that it would come eventually, but I didn't expect it to be so strong, and come so soon after leaving home. The inevitable feeling of homesickness has hit me, and it's hit me hard.

I don't know what it is. I've enjoyed my first few days here, going out and getting drunk, talking to new people, I have. But the last couple of days really have been a struggle, and although I know a couple of you are saying, right now as you read this, "That's because you didn't go out!", I don't believe it is that. I think the problem is, that despite making a lot of new friends, most of which call me 'MySpace' as a nickname, I haven't really found anyone who is like me. A couple of my flatmates are nice enough, but the ones I do get on with just seem to go off and do their own thing. Whether that be going for a smoke, or playing a guitar, or playing on the brand new FIFA 12 on their 32-inch widescreen. I don't want to feel like I'm getting in the way, and I take interest in none of these things. It sounds ridiculous reading it back. Along with this, there is definitely no one here who I can talk to about these things, no one I can trust, not by a long shot, to take my feelings seriously, although they can most probably relate to them. Most of the people here seem to have just taken it all in their stride, and me being me, I haven't. Now I've started to let these feelings in, I fear a domino effect that will only end in the same result it always ends in.

Today saw the beginning of our course, and I was sort of looking forward to it this morning. I had had an early night, (Nope, not Freshers behaviour), on the ridiculously hard beds we've been provided with. I was apprehensive, yes, but looking forward to hearing what we had to do. The feeling of apprehension is one that I have been feeling ever since I got here to be honest... It didn't help that I misread the article on StudentCentral, thinking we were coaching the school today, and not tomorrow. That was the main reason I didn't go out, knowing that I had to coach in a Primary school at 9.30am. The first impression I would have given, the impression that I'm a complete waster, wouldn't have been a good one. Instead what happened, was we met at Eastbourne Sports Park, right next to Sussex Downs College, after an expensive taxi, and were split into 4 groups of 5 and 6. We had to plan a session to deliver to 10-year old primary school children tomorrow afternoon, and I've got to admit, it was tough work. The guys, (who won't read this), were about as vibrant and enthusiastic as an oak tree, and I tried more than anything to bounce ideas around for our planned football session, but got the response of a group of scarecrows. The session we planned looked boring, disenchanting and downright rubbish. I highly doubt that these guys, (apart from maybe 1), will even think about looking for anything else, which means I've got to russle up an hour's worth of session, with no inspiration in my belly at all.

I can't say I'm looking forward to tomorrow, and I'm failing to think of anything I'm looking forward to in the near future unless you count Christmas, when I get to go home. I was hoping more than anything that I wouldn't be like this, but it has begun. And as you all know, I have no faith and confidence in myself to reverse the situation. I just want to give Mum a hug.