The Reaction

The past 10 days sure have been interesting.. Many people have praised my actions, many have simply not, but in general, I am pleased with what I have done, bar a couple of details.

I left you with the story that I had been banned from refereeing as a result of a ludicrous charge of 'not acting in the best interests of the game' from the FA, something that I did, and still do think, is an outrageous act of favouritism and ridiculousness. I won't go on to rant about how wrong I think it is. See the previous post for that bit!

I told you that I was considering further action, and further action is exactly what happened. I considered a lot of paths, including formal letters to the FA, a phone call to the FA to demand an explanation as to why this charge and punishment had been bought against me and I even considered at one stage forgoing the appeal fee and travel costs, and heading down to Wembley myself to vigorously defend what is a repugnant charge.

But no. I didn't go down any of these routes, but instead chose a rather controversial and potentially chaotic route to go down, recommended to me by a friend as soon as the charge came out. The press. Not just the local press, but the big boys. I thought about it for days. Do I really need this? Will it upset those closest to me? Will it be worth it? I answered all those questions in my own head, predicting the response of people, but instead answered the most important question that was nagging away in the bedlam that is my brain. Should I stand up for what I believe in? The overriding answer to that question was, yes. And the only way I feel I could really get through to the FA, really make them aware that I was deeply unhappy, was through the national press.

As I walked away from work on a warm Friday evening a week ago, I received a phone call from a Charlie Sale, a sports journalists from the Daily Mail. It was all a bit of a blur, but the fight against the FA charge had started, and if you start a job, you aim to finish it, no? I think I came across well, and Mr.Sale seemed to agree that the situation was a harsh one, (as anyone with any sense can tell), and we were away. It was published in the following days paper and I myself worked on spreading it. I have received a lot of support from a lot of people, and for that, I would like to thank them. A couple of people however, most notably the people who are lodged halfway up the arse of the County FA, went out of their way to try and unnerve me. Even with my tendency to question my own actions sometimes though, I fended them off, knowing they were simply talking crap. Knowing that my belief in this was so strong, that it didn't affect me one iota. In fact, I found it laughable.

On Monday of this week, I got a phone call from Adam Thompson of the Bedfordshire on Sunday, who had reported the original story of Peter Brown's racist actions. He was very interested in talking to me, and we arranged a meeting for the following morning. This is where we come to the first of my regrets, followed rather quickly by the second. Mother Mitten wasn't best pleased in my very public appearance in the Daily Mail. She is rather protective of me, with good reason I suppose given the last few years, and asked me to not go to any other papers. She claimed I was fighting a losing battle, and there was no point in fighting. I tentatively disagreed, but I do find it difficult to argue against either of my parents. I may believe strongly in this, but I have grown up with the attitude that my parents are always right, regardless. When I awoke uncharacteristically early on Tuesday morning, (while I was not due at work until 1.30pm), she asked where I was going. I lied. I claimed I was meeting an old school friend in town for an early lunch. As I reached town, I felt a pang of disappointment. I'm sure she would have respected my decision a little more if I had been honest about it, and despite my secret new year's resolution being to be more honest with them, about everything, I hadn't on this occasion.

However, I had agreed to meet Adam at the Beds on Sunday HQ, and meet Adam I would. We discussed in more detail about the events and the subsequent charge and even the original tweets that led to this debacle in the first place. Then came my 2nd regret. I agreed to a photo of me, quite literally, "showing a red card to racism".

At the time, it sounded like a good idea. It would show that racism had no place in our beautiful game and I thought it would compliment the article well. As I walked away though, knowing the photo would be used in tomorrow's edition, I regretted it immensely. There were 2 problems:

1) I had speculatively suggested to Adam that this photo would make the article look tacky. I specifically said the word "gimmicky", but Adam shrugged it off, and seeing as he is the professional, I agreed to go along with it. After I had had more time to think about it, I came to the conclusion that it WILL take the seriousness out of the message I am trying to spread. It will look "gimmicky" and it I don't think it will give the message that I am trying to portray. Aswell as this, a photo of me "showing the red card to racism" increasingly looks like me trying to get my face in the papers. Me, successfully attempting to get my 5 minutes of fame. Doing it for the sake of being in the papers, and I don't want people to think that.

And 2) It's all very well being named in an article. I was named in the Daily Mail and the unmentioned Luton News that was published on Wednesday, but my picture was in neither. With my picture in the paper, people will put name to face and next week may well be interesting. "Weren't you in the Beds on Sunday?" is a question I'm expecting to hear a lot. I can only expect Mother Mitten to be furious aswell, opening myself up to something that me and her both agree I don't take very well - criticism.

I faced the plunge earlier, and "pre-warned" her that I was to be in tomorrow's paper and received a face of pure thunder in return. She claimed that I was doing it "just because I wasn't happy with my refereeing being criticised", (which isn't strictly true - but I knew what she meant). True, I'm not happy that I've been banned, but I did promise her that I wouldn't speak to anymore papers. I don't think she's expecting a picture of me though...

Earlier in the week, I was excited about my appearance in the Beds on Sunday. The local community would know that I have been standing up to the FA and their outrageous charge and I would be making people aware of their elitist attitude. On Thursday afternoon, I started to feel a little nervous and right now, I am nothing short of terrified. I don't imagine I'll be getting a good night's sleep, and I also imagine I'll be awoken by an apoplectic Mother (or God help me - Father) Mitten, throwing the paper in my face and demanding an explanation. In my head, I conceptualize me standing up for myself in the face of literal adversity, but in reality, it won't be the case.

I'll be receiving a fair bit of praise tomorrow, from aquaintances particularly, who like someone "getting in the papers and standing up against a big organisation". I like that, but more than anything, I want praise from the people who matter to me the most. Friends and family, and at the moment, it's split down the middle. Some praise, some criticise. But hopefully, it makes an impact - so all of this is worth something.