I miss refereeing a little bit you know. Just the sound of a whistle, the idea of being in charge of an electric football match, the pressure of a big decision to make... For one, it kept me fit and active, but it also left me with unique stories to tell as not many other people in society are active referees. Plus, people's opinion of you go up as they learn you go out every Saturday afternoon to make unfavourable decisions merely "because you love the game". Lots of people thought I was crazy. They say you've got to be mad to be a goalkeeper, and nuts to be a referee. Bearing in mind I was doing both for a couple of years does say a lot...
I've just been reminiscing this evening about the 7 years I did officiate. All the highs and lows that came with it, the huge decisions I made on various occasions and the 22-man brawl I dealt with over at Hillgrounds one chilly Sunday afternoon. I remember that as clear as day. It was a nothing tackle that started it, just a trip and a free-kick - move on. But as the defensive wall was being built, I noticed a couple of heated words being exchanged and before you knew what was happening, fists were flying and noses were being crunched. After a fair while, 4 reds and 4 yellows were issued and we got on with the rest of the game, surprisingly without incident. Then I was blamed for "ruining the game". Typical.
It's difficult to pinpoint a specific 'best' and 'worst' decision but there are two that stick out in my mind quite clearly. One from each category. One of my best decisions was as an Assistant in a county cup final, in 2007. It was 2-1 to Bedford Town, and they had a free kick about 30 yards out. An audacious shot from the dead ball, floated over the wall and crashed against the crossbar and bounced back out to a striker who was following in who stroked it home. Everyone celebrated, as they thought they had opened up a 2-goal advantage, and probable cup glory. They were cut short by my flag however, as the striker following in was a yard offside as the free kick was struck. It was a very good decision, one that was praised afterwards. Bedford went on to concede not long after and then lost on penalties. A few weeks later, I discovered a YouTube video was made saying that I was wrong and cost them the trophy. The comments underneath were also rather ... interesting...! I also remember fielding some comments from some of the Bedford players as I walked past them in town the week after, so it was quite a pressure-filled situation! But knowing you were right is a huge bonus.
A situation where I wasn't correct at all, was a bog-standard U16 game. On paper, it was a nothing game. Both sides were mid-table, in Division 2 and it should really have been a walk in the park. As soon as you think this, it becomes anything but. I had a red card early in the game for 2 yellows, and there were a few rough challenges going in, but I did really well in controlling it. I was thinking I had had a great game, about 10 seconds before I was going to blow the final whistle. Just at this point, the ball was smacked over the top of the defence and the attacker was running on to it. I was daydreaming, reflecting on a well-managed game, when the keeper came out and took out the attacker. Stonewall penalty. Stonewall red card. And I seem to remember I knew it aswell. But I didn't do anything. It was weird, the whole pitch was screaming at me, and about 10 or 15 seconds passed by with me in a daze. What had just happened? About 20 seconds after the incident, I knew I had cocked up big time, but couldn't go back and give a penalty because that would look ridiculous. I blew the final whistle, knowing exactly what was coming, and then had to try and defend the decision, which was impossible. Still to this day, I've no idea why I didn't give it. It was nasty! I learnt a strong lesson that day. It isn't over until the Fat Mitten sings!
I ended up ringing the manager a couple of hours later and apologising for what was probably the worst decision of my refereeing career. I got a mumble in reply, and he hung up without saying goodbye. Was harsh, but I probably deserved it. I distinctly remember aswell, they had a god-awful run from then until the end of the season, and got relegated to Division 3 by a single point. Which didn't make it any easier!
Yeah, it sure was an interesting 7 years. I still maintain that becoming a referee was the greatest thing I ever did. Those 7 years gave me some sort of backbone, some ability to deal with pressure and criticism on vast scales and it served me well, although for the majority of my short career, I didn't know it.
I can't go back though. I am a man of my word, and I did say I would never represent the Bedfordshire FA, or the FA as it turns out, ever again. I can't. Looking past my despise of both, my career would never get off the ground after all the criticising and complaining I've done. I would be consigned to the lower leagues forever - which isn't such a bad thing as I enjoyed doing that for years anyway. But the main thing is, after all the criticising, I wouldn't have any friends in the refereeing community. Some of my best moments as a referee was when I was working in a team of 3 or 4. Those Thursday nights, refereeing under the floodlights were some of my most enjoyable evenings, not just in refereeing, but in life. I couldn't do that without looking like a serious hypocrite now.
I don't regret it. I don't regret anything I've done since I received "that" letter from Neale Barry at the FA. I don't regret anything I do in life in all honesty. I know what I did was right, and I'm sorry if I inundated you all with the complaints of a person who is bitter. I am bitter, of course I am. My refereeing meant a lot to me, but what is the point of doing it if you're representing an organisation you despise? I couldn't, and still can't look past that. So many people go through life wondering why some people go through all the hassle of fighting a fight that you're not going to win. I know I won't win. The FA or the county will not ring up one day, apologise for being wrong, and invite me back. Of course they won't. But for me, I could not just accept it. It's as simple as that. I knew I was right, and they were wrong, so to fight against it is the natural thing to do, surely? No one got anywhere by staying quiet and not asking questions. No one got anywhere by refusing to fight.
It didn't cost me my working career. It was merely an enjoyable hobby for me, that involved serious character building. I was going for promotion to referee at a higher level yes, and who knows where that might have taken me, but, despite me blogging a nostalgia trip, I don't think there is much point in wondering what could have been. I have a life now, that I'm perfectly content with, and I will move on. Yes, I will still point out every bad news story that comes out of the FA, and yes, I will be incredibly opinionated on footballing matters, because I care.
I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
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