Heat Thoughts

Just a short little entry to allay a few recent worries... Summer isn't usually unkind to me, at least not as brutally as Winter is, but when things crop up in your life, sometimes its just impossible to not worry.

"Some nights I stay up cashing in my bad luck... Sometimes I call it a draw".

The lyrics of 'Fun', of which attempting to sleep in this heat is not, are quite relatable at this time. In the heat of the daytime, and in the moment, I have been on exceptional form recently. Standing up against decisions I don't like in all walks of my life, being the best person I can be, taking every opportunity that comes along and helping others out along the way. The last few weeks have been the dream version of me. But, barring the usual cricketing weekend and a cancelled barbeque, the weekend just gone has been nothing short of bizarre. The last couple of weekends have been full-on attempts at trying to make the most of being young and free, but, attempting the same this weekend, I have stumbled across a familiar road block. This, matched with thoughts of a life-changing opportunity that really hasn't been given the thought it should have been, equals a messed up head. Not in the same way as Winter brings. A messed up Winter head isn't worth thinking about at the moment, but this particular messed up head is one that I reckon most people can relate to. Well... Most can probably relate to half of it anyway...

The other half belongs on the other side of the world. I haven't mentioned this, because I thought there was a literal 0% chance of it happening, but a couple of weeks ago, I got an e-mail from a cricket club near Melbourne. For those of you with a grasp of basic geography, you will have worked out that this is in Australia. Reading through the e-mail, offering a chance to play as an overseas cricketer out there was almost too good to be true, but instantly I dismissed it, thinking there was no way I would have the bottle to go out there. However, what I found myself doing, was day dreaming about it every single day at work for the week after. Every single minute, of every single day, would be used up with me sitting in the office, air conditioning on the lowest possible setting, dreaming of batting in the Australian sunshine. It was then that I realised that maybe I should think about it... Except, I haven't really. Oh, I've thought about it. I've thought about playing cricket in Australia, but what about everything else? What about life here? My job, my family, my friends... Would I really have the bottle to pack it all in and start again on the other side of our planet? Me? The guy who nearly lost it all at the end of 2012? The guy who takes Summer in his stride and falls apart in Winter?

For the past week or so, I've been 50/50, desperately wanting to be one of those people who have the urge of adventure, the need to seek the promised life and the guts to just do it. Like my sister I suppose... But that's just not me. I'm the safe guy. The one who doesn't like change, the conservative one. Afraid of new challenges because it might rock the boat... And this would certainly rock the boat... And maybe even sink it...

And then there's the new worry. The result of another weekend of mad partying and drinking, the decisions to be made on the back of a single night out. I'm scared to talk about it, because its not fair on the people involved if I do, but Saturday night was quite simply... I don't know. I used the word "bizarre" earlier, which might be a tad insulting to the people involved, but it was certainly... I don't know. Weird? Strange? Wonderful even? And I'm not talking about me here... Although, the worry is most certainly about me. The same old story of whether to just do it. I preach to others to "go with the flow" and "wing it", and fail to listen to my own words sometimes. I suppose it's much more difficult when its yourself...

Ahh this blog... The resting place of my brains. 525 posts of utter waffle. You know what my ultimate goal in life is? When I die, if I get "R.I.P to a top bloke" on my gravestone, I'll be a happy dead man. Haha.