And Away We Go...

YouTube is a wonderful place isn't it. I've always thought about doing a video blog instead of writing as a way of expressing myself. It just seems more personal, doesn't it? One person talking to another instead of words written down, left for the onlooker to decipher the tone themselves. The one problem I'd have though is that I'd find it extremely off-putting talking to a camera. Then again, I find myself talking to the screen as I type regardless...

I'm drifting. I saw a video earlier from Troye Sivan, who is a charming young Australian, (born is South Africa - I think), who also happens to be a movie star. I've caught a few of his videos before as they are good fun to watch, and the end music is really damn catchy, but today's video really took me by surprise. I'm not sure it should have caught me by surprise, but his 'Coming Out' video was one of the best stories I've ever listened to. Again, I reach out to the minority in perusing over how difficult this journey is, but it took me back to the time I told my own story back in November 2012. How nerve-wracking and mind-blowing it is to finally let loose those feelings... It's an emotion difficult to describe, but an emotion put so perfectly by Troye that it brought a tear to my eye. It just made me realise how short life is to live it as yourself, and to take every opportunity that comes your way. Every surge of ambition and inspiration needs to be acted upon. It was a rush of adrenaline and a brainstorm that helped me to type out my coming out story in November and then post it to every social media site going. Maybe it was the same for Troye. Maybe not. For we are all different.

It was also a rush of adrenaline to go for this Australian journey. 6 whole months plus a 24 hour flight from London to Melbourne seems like an eternity for someone who is not well travelled. To be going on my own adds a whole new meaning to 'jumping in at the deep end', but I have finally decided that I am going. In October, (roughly), I will be on a plane to Australia all by myself, ready to meet brand new people, in a brand new climate, in a brand new country. I have learnt lessons from previous escapades, and appreciate that it will be momentously difficult to begin with. By jove, (sorry for the overload of Britishness), the first couple of weeks might well be Hell on Earth and I'll be stuck on the other side of the planet, a very lonely person indeed. However, I simply cannot look back and wonder what could have been. If I don't go, I just know it'll be something I will regret for the rest of my eternity, and I cannot be having that. What I hope is going to happen is an adventure that will shape me and my life and finally propel me to new heights. I've been waiting for the right opportunity for years...

The only time I've been on one of these was a 45-minute
flight to Jersey... And back... Obviously...

I am scared. Oohhh yes, I am very nervous. Even thinking about it now sends my stomach into an ill-sounding frenzy of butterflies, but that is simply a side effect of what has to be done. Sure, I'm excited aswell. Going to play cricket in Australia is, quite literally, my dream come true, but this mixture of fragmented nervousness and extreme excitement is quite a concoction to deal with on a daily basis - two whole months before I leave. I simply cannot imagine the state of affairs once the calendar ticks over to the 10th month...

But, right now, I suppose I shouldn't be concentrating on it so much. I have a job to do, (of which I have been granted 6 months off for) and an important weekend of cricket in the UK to concentrate on as we tackle the madness of Twenty20 Finals Day on Saturday. I am really looking forward to what Saturday may bring. If we win, the carnage that follows will be indescribable...

Then again, every single action of my life takes me back to one moment. I can remember what life was like before the moment I "came out", and how life-defining that (drunken) conversation with my Mum at 5am that Sunday morning was...

"What if I can never do it?"

"What if everything falls apart?"

"What if .... What if... What if..."

And then I remember the tears streaming down my face as I stepped in through the front door to Mum's hugs at the end of that fateful weekend in Manchester. The huge smile plastered across my face on that Monday morning when I had received that barrage of support from one simple Facebook post. All the personal messages I received from people who hadn't spoken to me for years. And it changed me.

I hope Australia takes that a step further. I hope Australia changes me again. For the better.

...

Troye Sivan's Coming Out Video - A Must Watch: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoL-MnXvK80