Quite an Ironic Acronym...

It's getting to that time of year again...

Me being me, I am about to explain, once again, a personal part of the life of Mitten, in a blog post. I might well be the only person that does this, instead of just talking. But I find I explain it better by writing about it...

In the coming months, you will notice a downward trend in my mood. During the times I do appear on any social scene, you may notice me being distant, disinterested or indeed just not bothered. I don't mean to be mean, as it were, but I think its time I actually told you all about what happens to me during the Winter. It will help me no end, as I will now know that you have had the opportunity to know me a little bit more, and to understand why I can be a bit of a dick during the Winter months. And it will help you, as you can now put some of my behaviour down to what I am about to tell you, instead of wondering what the hell has gotten into me.

Some of you may have been reading my blogs for months, even years, and noticed a trend. Some of you may be wondering what the hell I'm talking about. But mental illness shouldn't be the stigma it is, so I am not scared of telling you all about me. I have, almost ironically, something called S.A.D, and quite a severe dose of it at that. It stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder, and is a type of depression that most likely, and certainly in my case, occurs during the Winter months. When I first realised I had this disorder, I was incredibly scared to tell anyone about it. My initial reaction was that people will just think, "Ahh well, that's stupid, everyone feels a bit more glum in Winter!", but this is somewhat different. If you read back on my blogs, just one from July and one from December/January, you might well notice a distinct change in tone, and that is this illness. During the Summer, I am the best 'me' imaginable. During the Winter, I am the worst 'me'. I tend to think of it is as being "seasonal bipolar", although that might be a disservice to people who genuinely have bipolar. I'm waffling.

What is S.A.D? I have already briefly explained it, but it is a form of depression linked with the releasing of chemicals in the brain and a reaction to the exposure of sunlight. The names of these chemicals escape me, but as the nights get shorter, so does my "mood fuse", (that sounds a bit strange saying that doesn't it...) It comes to a peak at around Christmas time, when the world turns happy and I just feel like I should be bothered about being cheery and merry, but I'm just not. Christmas and more recently, New Year have become quite a difficult time for me, and those around me, and I'm afraid this year will most likely follow the same pattern. It isn't something I can just cure, or fix. Control? Manage? Maybe... But fix? No.

The old adage of 'Blue January' hits home for a lot of people, but more so for me, I'm afraid. January and February don't go down too well in my brain of all brains, so once again, I apologise in advance if I act like a moron during these times. I'm inclined to think its all my fault, but it really isn't. I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses, but this is me. I'll be fine again come March/April. Its just how it is.

I will be purchasing my 'light box' in the coming weeks, which will trigger that sensitive part of my brain that likes light and hopefully helps with the drop in mood. Hanging back on the alcohol might be a good idea aswell, and that is something I can certainly control, even if I don't like that idea very much. I feel the need to apologise for having to tell you this, in a form you are most likely not used to, (in some random blog in the far reaches of the internet), but I just feel like it would be better if you all knew.

In many ways, I am very lucky. I only have this for selected months of the year. If you read this silly little blog regularly, you'll know the Summer months have been amazing. They always are. I tend to try and make the most of them, as I know that the Winter will bring completely the opposite. I can't imagine what that feeling is like all-year round...

Mental illness is real. It isn't a story, or an excuse. It is incredible how many people have symptoms of this, that or the other, and so many people don't or can't talk about it. The stigma is unreal, and I hope this little post can help relieve that, even a little bit.

The countdown is on...