I'm Going To Be In A BBC Documentary

It's been nearly a month since I last wrote in this blog. I've had a tough time of it lately as I grapple with what my future may hold. However, with the guidance of my wonderful Mother and a few close friends, I have managed to somehow fight my way out of another crisis point.

It's an odd day to be writing this post. I've been wanting to say something about this for a while, but I wanted to know for certain that it was going to happen before doing so. I feel I must talk about the day's events, where 3 innocent people lost their lives in a terrorist attack on London. I've felt sad today, simply because my mind cannot escape the horror of what it must be like to be involved in such a thing. In 2005, I was en route to London before 7/7 happened. Today, an attacker mowed innocent people down along Westminster Bridge; a bridge I walked the length of just yesterday. My thoughts are with all of the victims and their families.

But we plough on. The reason I was in London yesterday was to meet with a production company and the BBC in regards to a documentary I am going to be in. A few months back, I wrote a blog on here about why I had to give up football. It was based largely around an incident that left me too scarred to return to the football arena, where three opposition players spent 90 minutes throwing homophobic abuse at me. This documentary is about homophobia in football and it will be centred largely around my story and my experiences.

It's an exciting project to be a part of, even more so because it is an issue close to my heart. I'm not sure I'm allowed to explain exactly what is going to happen on a public blog, but rest assured that some of the ideas are quite unbelievable (and daunting!) but an experience I'm really looking forward to. To be the face of such an issue, on such a huge platform like the BBC is a big honour.

Ultimately though, my life at the moment is stuck in limbo. This documentary is the only thing on the horizon that could constitute work. Time is running out to work out an option that doesn't include walking into the bear pit I described two posts ago. I try not to think about the future too much. As Mum says, "there is nothing that can't be sorted."

And it's events like today that make me remember how lucky I am that people like Mum are still with us. Also, that my friends are the most amazing people. I'm not sure where I'd be without them.