Lets Have A Moan

It's 05:14. After lying in bed for an hour and a half, I have decided to take the "stay up for as long as humanly possible" route, which means I will be grumpy come midday and give up and fall asleep in a haze of tiredness at around 6pm.

This is predominantly a good thing. I felt I needed to sleep off the recklessness of the weekend, by sleeping from 4am to 6pm yesterday. Part of the reason being to bridge a gap between the old and the new, and part of it being apprehensive of the new. Yesterday evening, I lay awake knowing the talk was going to come at some point. Eventually, I realised there was no way of escaping it, and not really wanting to escape anyway, so got to it.

As a wise man once said, "There's no time like the present".

It wasn't exactly what I was expecting. I feel the content of the discussion should remain private. I'm not certain that spilling out the reaction of everything on here is the wisest way to go about releasing my frustrations or endeavours. Despite it sounding a bit... strange, I think I need to learn to moan more. Not on here, because I have done plenty of it on here, but to everyone else. Mother Mitten acknowledged it. "Don't bottle it up, but instead come and moan to me about it, I don't care". Well said.

In the past, I feel I have tried to please everyone a bit too much. Telling people I don't really mind if they have done something bad against me or annoyed me. I'll just let it go and let it pass by, as it has already happened. But maybe when friends or peers do something that annoys me, I will react how I should react. I will be angry when I deserve to be angry and I will be happy when I deserve to be happy. It might make friendships a bit more strained at certain times, but it will save me from piling it all on myself. And then I'll moan at my parents if things don't go my way. It's time to be more greedy, I think.

By this, I don't mean I will be more grumpy, more annoyed at small things or more difficult to be around, just for the sake of it. I just mean, I won't be the same person when it comes to difficult subjects or sensitive actions. I'll be more human. More adult.

And yeah, it won't be an immediate change. It will take time to work my way into becoming a new character, and it might not even work. But I'll try.

But anyway, I have a long and hopefully productive day ahead. But I already do have a slight headache, which isn't the best of starts. Maybe some Jeremy Clarkson and a film with a bar of Dairy Milk will help cheer me up.

Welcome to the new Mitten.