Red Face Paint

Hayfever is a bastard. Straight up. I haven't exactly spoken about it on here much, due to the fact that for most of the year I am completely unaffected, but from roughly April to August, the eyes start looking like I've been through 12 rounds with David Haye, the rate of sneezing increases 100-fold and when I think I'm fine one second, relaxing and listening to my sister's stolen iPod, (shhh!), the next I look like The Joker.

It's currently half 3 am, and yes I know, I should be asleep. The amount of internet space used by me complaining and moaning about my ridiculous sleeping pattern is probably enough to crash Bedford's networks, but this just proves that having hayfever is a 24/7 business. I was just sitting here, minding my own business, trying to teach CC the ins and outs of Twitter whilst continuously searching for the most amazing 'Flash Mobs' the world has ever seen. Then, out of nowhere, a warm trickle runs down my nose and explodes on to my keyboard as I hurry to find a tissue to stem the face paint. Running to the toilet, trying not to wake the house up, is a challenge in itself. I have spent the last 20 minutes trying to stem the flow, using techniques built up over the years. It makes it sound like a marathon.

I should be happy that the Hayfever Gods were looking in my favour tonight. They are so cruel as to make blood gush out, but the places they've made it happen in, in the past, are not nice! I've had nosebleeds almost everywhere. In the middle of a cricket match, as the bowler was running up. I had to retire hurt, and come back only to get out first ball on my return! I've had a nosebleed on the 8th tee of Mowsbury Golf Course, and I had a choice to either use a dirty club-cleaning towel or a leaf to stem the flow. That was interesting. I had a nosebleed in the middle of the pub quiz on Sunday aswell. By far the most interesting however, was a nosebleed just as we were setting off on Corkscrew at Alton Towers! (R.I.P) I had to endure the twists, turns and loop-to-loops of the wooden rollercoaster, with blood flying out, showering myself and many others. When we came off, I looked like a Red Power Ranger and many others looked like they had stood next to a chainsaw massacre. We made a swift exit.

All of this is because we had a grass fight. All of the tablets, eye drops and nasal spray because of a 15-minute fight with freshly mown lawn. Life's biggest mistake!

As for today, it's fair to say I've had a bit of a shocker. I was SUPPOSED to be joining Beddoe, Kettle and co. for a lazy day in the park, but when it came down to it, I felt ill, (as I have done for the past week), and waking up when the clock still says 'AM' is a sprightly shock to the system. So instead, I went back to sleep and woke up again at the ugly side of 3am, which even in my books, is pretty bad. Hence the reason I'm awake at this stupid hour. Approaching 4am, and the only reason I'm looking to go to bed in a minute is to stop Mother Mitten being an angry Mother Mitten. Apparently, Sister Mitten is getting annoyed aswell, given I'm coughing like a banshee... I can never do anything right in this house...

Right, I'm going, before I get hung, drawn and quartered.