The Finest of Lines

That meeting went well. It was about 10 days ago now, but the discussion was frank, gentlemanly and most importantly in my mind, conducted between two men who were respective and assertive. We listened to each other's views, took them on board, and put forward our own opinions. Starting and ending with a handshake, and we both knew where we stood. Job done.

Except it's not job done. To anyone else, it would be a simple chat and move on, but to me it was a vital stepping stone in teaching myself to be confident enough to put forward my own views without disintegrating into a quivering wreck. The fact that I held my own in a conversation that could easily have turned into me agreeing with all of his views without fight, is a good sign. It's happened before, so it wouldn't have surprised me if it did happen again.

And since then, things have been on the up. There have been absolutely no slip ups in the fight, but complacency is the last thing on my mind. I have learnt that as soon as I think it's gone, it comes roaring back unexpectedly, and hits you hard. I still use the same techniques I learnt six months ago to get rid of possible negative scenarios and replace them with the most positive of positive scenarios. I dismiss what I think people are thinking of me, and replace it with the phrase, "Who gives a fuck?" That is literally what I say to myself. Crass, maybe. But it works.

So what has happened in the past 10 days? Only very recently has Summer finally made an appearance, but what happened before that? I had a long week at work, realised my stock unit was £40 up and dismissed the thoughts of negativity once more. "It's better than losing money", I told myself. Replace the negativity with the positive spin. Practice makes perfect. In the past week also, I have closed a lot of friendships from my refereeing days, preferring to forget about them and move on to pastures new. I was rather harsh with some of them, but I think its the best way for me. There is no need keeping friendships when you're never going to see or work with them again. I was of course, supposed to be refereeing in Denmark this week, but obviously I haven't gone. And I'm very happy I haven't.

This weekend however, has been a BTW. Big Time Weekend. On Friday night, after a surprisingly quick(ish) day at work, we descended on Master Kettle's to enjoy his 21st birthday celebrations and met Watty in town for his 22nd! A good night was had my most, (Hey Beddoe...), and the sounds of us screaming our way through our favourite songs is a noise that will stay with me for a long time.

The key word there is, "noise".

On Saturday, hangover-less, of course, we went on our way to the first instalment of a beautiful cricketing weekend, in Graveley, Hertfordshire. It was a bit of a trek and upon arrival, and we also worked out that we had to climb a hill to reach the pitch, which was a bit of a pain. The match itself though, went swimmingly, and after bowling them out for 50, we knocked them off in 9 overs, (including my first 6 in two seasons!) and was home for tea! Our team is now 64 points clear at the top of the table, but just like my other battle, I will tell the team not to get complacent. Important games coming up, against good sides, and we shall need to be at our best to beat them.

On Sunday, it was even better. Away to fellow promotion-chasers Biddenham and for the first time in a long, long time, I was a little bit nervous. I don't usually get nervous before cricket matches, tending to just go with the flow. But I'm not sure what happened yesterday. Fielding first, we kept it very tight in very warm conditions and a beauty of a batting track, keeping them down to 185. During the tea break, I sat in the corner and thought. Just thought, visualised my innings, working out what I needed to do and how to go about it. I never put this much thought into an innings...

It worked. Chasing 186 to win, me and Monty put on 182 in 36 overs to all but secure us the victory. I have rarely concentrated so hard in an innings, yet I'm pretty sure I have never enjoyed an innings as much as this one. Monty scored a fantastic 92 not out, and mine was the only wicket that Biddenham managed to snaffle, but that was after I'd scored the most patient 79 you're going to see. I was very pleased, although Boony, walking to the wicket with 4 to win, wasn't and we secured a very comfortable and professional 9 wicket win. We only took 4 wickets in the Biddenham innings however, so we dropped down the table. It's a strange scoring system in our league... And our division is very close...

And today... Well, today was pretty awesome aswell! I had a week booked off work in advance because I was due to be in Denmark, of course. I thought I might aswell keep it booked off, and given the forecast, it looks like it's going to be an inspired decision! Today, I played a bit of snooker with Checks before going to the Seattle Steakhouse in Hemel Hempstead. A delightful selection of Camel, Crocodile, Impala, Springbok, Zebra, Kudu, Wildebeest and Blesbok greeted us and it was phenomonal. I really, really enjoyed it and we had a good old catch up aswell!

The rest of the week looks to be going in a similarly cheery vain, but once again I must urge myself, in writing it seems, not to get complacent. Complacency is the first step to negativity, and I will not be negative.

"There is a fine line between being assertive and being too relaxed."