What The Future Holds

Been a while...

I'm slightly concerned this evening... By a few things. I won't beat about the bush.

1) I think my friends are going to move away soon. For some reason, I thought as soon as they'd finish university, they'd come "home" and find a job in Bedford, but of course, that's nonsense. Some might of course, but the majority are talking about staying in their university cities and finding work there. Or finding work anywhere - not necessarily Bedford. It makes sense when you think about it. Someone said something yesterday, as we were coming home from the now weekly poor effort at the pub quiz, that despite it being the "summer", people just were not coming back. At least not for any length of time. People were staying put, and all of a sudden, it dawned on me that I might lose friends. Through distance more than anything. What happens if all of them stay put?

Of course, people find partners and look to build for the future, and I've just got a horrible feeling that I'll be left stranded. I can only think of a couple of people who don't have girlfriends or boyfriends, and sooner rather than later, they'll be looking to set up a home for themselves and move on. I think to my Mum and Dad, who must have had friends when they were at school and their young adult years. It sounds a tad harsh, but I can't actually think of anyone that I would consider as a "friend" to my Dad. Just today he mentioned seeing "people from school for the first time in years" in the upcoming Golf Day on Friday, and I wondered if that would be me in 20 years time. My best friends becoming, "people from school I haven't seen in years" when I eventually become middle-aged. I don't want that at all.

In my mind, I have visions of going out every weekend with my friends and living it up, but of course, that won't happen for much longer either. People grow up eventually, and I don't want to. What's more, I reckon I'll have a much harder task in finding a partner myself, (less people to choose from first of all), but a whole host of other reasons may mean I'm alone. Sorry for sounding ridiculously pessimistic, but ... You just don't know do you...

2) My job is getting increasingly more boring. I was thinking today, I need something more active. At least more vibrant and social, not just cooped up in my little box all day, on my own. I don't mean "active" as in, "outdoors and adventurous", just more... Busy. People to talk to, things to do, no infuriating customers who you have to be polite to because its "good customer service". You hear of people in these office jobs who spend all day gossiping and chatting. I don't really have anyone to talk to, and slowly but surely, its starting to grind me down. Twitter can only take you so far. Just looking back at my brief working life so far, I've had a good job but with very long hours, a job with a good amount of hours, but were highly unsociable, a job with good hours but I couldn't actually do it, and now a job with an okay amount of hours, and I can do, but with no one to enjoy it with. I just can't find that balance. I even tried a bit of self-promoting on Twitter this afternoon, bigging up my own achievements at reaching the title of 'Manager' by the age of 22, but it didn't really work. Some people seemed impressed, and one chap who I don't know received a bit of a positive as he is struggling with exam stress. Seeing someone who screwed up their exams reach "management" at 22 certainly helped his self-esteem, so that's a plus I suppose. But it didn't really help me.

I put "management" in inverted commas for obvious reasons.

And 3) Usually the saviour of my summers, the cricket season, has all of a sudden become... Uninspiring. I'd almost go as far to say it was slightly arduous. Whether its because I have become organiser-in-chief I don't know, but I'm just not enjoying it this season as much as I used to. Or as much as I should be. Someone has just had a go at me for leaving the benches in the clubhouse, (despite those being the instructions), and I just wonder how much more I have to do to make everyone happy. Sure, the other guys have started chipping in with helping out on match days, which I'm thankful for, but I find myself in a quandary. Two games finish at the weekend, (both of which we won), and instantly, it starts again. Getting 11 players for Saturday. Getting 11 players for Sunday. Seeing if anyone can be bothered to turn up to training on Wednesday. Asking availability and trying to make everyone happy, and make sure everyone gets a chance and making sure we have our best 11 out for Sunday especially. Sometimes it just gets to me, and again, faced with this task this week, I realised I have a lot on my shoulders when it comes to our senior section. And I'm not sure I like it.

Just today, walking to work, I could feel the onset of a bad stage coming on. It's not often I get such strong feelings of oncoming inner torture, but I can most certainly feel it this time. I've just got a horrible feeling that the next few weeks are going to be tough. As I've briefly mentioned, I've got this Golf Day on Friday. I used to love playing in those, so much so that I couldn't sleep the night before, but at the moment, I've got a dour sense of foreboding at the alarm clock going off at 6.30am. I'll just not be able to do it.

I'm not in the best place at the moment, and for some reason I feel horribly guilty about it. This isn't good. What's more, there is the potential for some very bad news indeed that may come my way in the next couple of weeks...

Sigh...