The Eurovision Song Contest 2014

After last years victory for Denmark's Emmelie De Forest, this years contest came from a dazzling and sparkly Copenhagen and, just as is usual, it was a show full of glitz, glamour and fun!

Just like last year, I watched both semi-finals and indeed Saturday night's Grand Final and what a spectacle it was! When I first heard the songs a few months back, I did wonder where the quality was, but a number of the songs grew on me, and it turned into one of the greatest and most wide-open contests since, in my opinion, 2008. Shall we go through the songs? Why not!

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1) Ukraine - Mariya Yaremchuk - 'Tick Tock' - Final Position: 6th with 113 points

Its never a good thing to be first up on the Grand Final stage, but this song did well. I thought the song was fairly ordinary, but the presence of a man running around a hamster wheel seemed to appeal to the European crowd! Would it be slightly harsh to suggest that Ukraine received some of the compassion vote?

2) Belarus - Teo - 'Cheesecake' - Final Position: 16th with 43 points

This was a cheeky little number, and certainly a favourite of my flatmates because of its simple nature. I'm slightly surprised it didn't do a tad better, but no one has ever won the contest from 2nd on the running order. A tough ask for the gentlemen, but the song was performed well and they can be proud of their efforts.

3) Azerbaijan - Dilara Kazimova - 'Start a Fire' - 22nd with 33 points

I would talk about this song in a manner that suggests I'm an avid Eurovision fan, but honestly? I can't remember much about it. One of the more forgettable songs of this years competition, and the presence of a trapeze merely made it look they couldn't be bothered. What was the point of a trapeze? Not original whatsoever, and despite Dilara looking stunning, it was largely disappointing. Europe agreed.

4) Iceland - Pollaponk - 'No Prejudice' - 15th with 58 points

Oh, the colour!

I really liked this. Cheery, a solid message and a vast array of colour, not least from their interesting choice of attire, it gained the approval from both of us watching. Maybe its appearance early in the running order did it no favours, but I'm surprised it didn't make it on to the left hand side of the scoreboard. Someone noted they looked like McFly in 20 years, but as a fan of McFly's music, I reckon that's a compliment! I put it through to the final pretty comfortably after Thursday's semi-final, but disappointed it didn't place higher tonight...


5) Norway - Carl Espen - 'Silent Storm' - 8th with 88 points

I wish it was silent. This years contribution to the wrist-slitting club came from Norway and Mr.Espen, and I have to say, it was hideous. Europe seems to like a slow, depressing number to break up the evening and calm the crowd down from its light-induced fervour of excitement, but I most certainly don't. It brought the first yawn of the night and I was pleased to see it disappear off our screen. Annoyed it came 8th above some much, much better offerings of music.

6) Romania - Paula Seling & Ovi - 'Miracle' - 11th with 72 points

People were raving about this on social media, and certainly a favourite of my good Eurovision friends in Northampton, but I didn't quite understand the euphoria behind it. (Notice the deliberate choice of Eurovision wording there? Good.)

Sure, it was a good song, but again, I struggle to find why it went down so well. 11th place was probably just about right for it, but no higher.

7) Armenia - Aram MP3 - 'Not Alone' - 4th with 174 points

Oh purrrr-lease. This was one of the pre-competition favourites and frankly I have no idea how. He shouted his way through his semi-final, and he seemed to carry that on in the final with a horrible performance of his so-called "song". He looked quite scary as well, and despite a brief moment where I thought the song would pick up and become "average" from "largely rubbish", it didn't. Add a '1' on the front of his eventual position, and that is where it truly belonged.

8) Montenegro - Sergej Cetkovic - 'Moj Svijet' - 19th with 37 points

A shame really, because I liked it. One of the minority of songs to be sung in their native language, it had a good melody to it and Sergej performed it admirably. I LOVED the ice-skating and the stage graphics as well, but, as is usually the case, Europe disagreed!

Sergej Cetkovic proved to be overrated by the European audience!

9) Poland - Donatan & Cleo - 'We Are Slavic' - 14th with 62 points

Ahem. Right. Okay. Hands up, who actually listened to the song? Bearing in mind the female contingent on stage aren't quite my type, I did. I'll let you know how it went. It was fairly entertaining. I didn't like it a lot in the semi-final, but it grew on me in the final. Not entirely surprised it didn't finish higher, but the vast majority of the male crowd, (or not - I don't know the ratio of sexuality!), had their eyes firmly in the direction of the soft porn show on stage. I can put it no other way.

10) Greece - Freaky Fortune ft. RiskyKidd - 'Rise Up' - 20th with 35 points

I just had to double and triple check there to make sure that's indeed where they did finish... It was 3rd on my list of favourite songs for tonight, and certainly ranks up there with one of the few injustices of this year! They so nearly mucked up their semi-final performance on Thursday, but didn't tonight and they were brilliant. It's a young, vibrant dance song, and so right up my street. Unsure of the need for the trampoline at the end, but hey... Its Eurovision! Why not...

11) Austria - Conchita Wurst - 'Rise Like a Phoenix' - 1ST WITH 290 POINTS

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. What a song! What a person! I remember saying last year that Emmelie De Forest was a deserving winner, and she was, but Conchita is an absolute inspiration. All the pre-competition talk was based around her, and her beard, and many feared that Europe simply wasn't ready to vote for a non-gender conforming person to win. But Europe proved they are indeed becoming more and more accepting.

'The Bearded Lady' blew the crowd away with a stunning
performance. My favourite winner of all time!

Her performance, and indeed the song, was stunning. I gave it douze points on Thursday in her semi-final and gave her the same tonight. Her voice was so powerful, her dress was beautiful and the whole performance was a delight to watch. A deserving winner for sure, and a huge victory for the LGBT community in particular.

12) Germany - Elaiza - 'Is It Right' - 18th with 39 points

It was always going to be difficult following an act like Conchita Wurst and so it showed as the German entry merely got lost in the backdrop of the beard. It was actually quite a good song. I quite liked it, but I was still raving about how amazing Conchita was to pay full attention to it. Germany hasn't done well recently, and they're poor form continued with a lowly position in Copenhagen.

13) Sweden - Sanna Nielsen - 'Undo' - 3rd with 218 points

When I first heard this song, I wasn't all that impressed. However, it has grown on me a lot and her grand final performance was the best of all the performances I've seen from her. Her vocals were superb, and with a physical likeness to Kim Cattrell, it was always going to do well in their neighbouring country.

'Undo My Sad' was a big hit in the European mainland!

14) France - Twin Twin - 'Moustache' - 26th with 2 points

Stone dead last. It's not difficult to see why as it seemed the French didn't really take this year's competition seriously, but I think last place is a bit harsh. It was a fun song but halfway through the list of songs, people want to see power and gusto and this sort of offering merely angered the crowd. At one stage, it seemed destined to finish on 'nil points', but a couple of single-point votes from poor countries who felt sorry for them was enough to get them on the board. Let's hope for a better French entry next year...

15) Russia - The Tolmachevy Sisters - 'Shine' - 7th with 89 points

Where do we start? It seemed unfair to boo a pair of 17-year old sisters, but Europe cannot be silenced. I did find it quite annoying that they were ironically singing about "showing the world some love" but for millions of people to be collectively booing them for the actions of the Russian establishment was, as Graham Norton put it, "extremely harsh". The song itself? It wasn't up to much. A seesaw and a random hair connection thing was all it had going for it, and along with the obvious unrest surrounding the whole thing, I'm surprised it finished 7th. I was happy to see the song finish.

16) Italy - Emma - 'La Mia Citta' - 21st with 33 points

By this stage, I was getting a little agitated at the ever-increasing run of disappointing songs. I found myself starting to get bored and this song didn't help. I can't even remember a lot about it to describe it to you, but it wasn't a surprising final position for one of the so-called "power 5". Arrivederci.

17) Slovenia - Tinkara Kovac - 'Round and Round' - 25th with 9 points

Its quite annoying how songs like this can finish below the likes of Norway. More Irish than Ireland, it was a solid Eurovision offering that Europe merely forgot about. It did make me quite dizzy, as the title suggests, but it was a good song and Tinkara once more looked wonderful in her dress. 9 points? I think it should have at least made it to the left-hand side of our screens.

18) Finland - Softengine - 'Something Better' - 11th with 72 points

He he he... I'm sorry, but I was infatuated with these guys. During the semi-final, I was intent on getting the number of the drummer. But, I must act professional, and provide you with a review of the song. The performance was great! The light show was awesome, the vibe was "sick" as the youth say, and all in all, it was a pretty good show from the country that bought us 'Hard Rock Hallelujah'.

Ok, honestly? I wasn't listening to the song.

The drummer was even better...

19) Spain - Ruth Lorenzo - 'Dancing in the Rain' - 10th with 74 points

We were taken back to the X Factor on Saturday night with the presence of Miss. Lorenzo representing her native Espana! It was a great song, and of course, she has an even greater voice making for a very good song. Spain have been utter useless for the past few years, (El Chiki-Chiki anyone?) so to hear a good entry from them is refreshing. 10th is probably fair, but would like to have seen it go a couple of places higher...

20) Switzerland - Sebalter - 'Hunter of Stars' - 13th with 64 points

I really, really, really liked this song in the semi-finals. The whistling was infectious and the rest of the song was almost mesmeric but in the grand final, it just didn't happen for me. It just seemed a bit... conservative. And static. I genuinely think there were better performances on the night and I'm not entirely surprised it finished 13th.

21) Hungary - Andras Kally-Saunders - 'Running' - 5th with 143 points

The most "clubby" song of the evening for sure, it was a refreshing and original entry for Hungary, which probably explained why it finished as high as it did. At one stage, it looked nailed on to be at least in the running for outright victory but it fell out of contention as Austria streamed ahead. One of my friends noted that people may not have voted for him because he wasn't white - a fair observation - but as with La Conchita, Europe may just have jumped that hurdle. Fantastic!

22) Malta - Firelight - 'Coming Home' - 23rd with 32 points

A lot of people, in the UK especially, were raving about this song on social media, but I didn't see the appeal. And neither did Europe. It was another forgettable song, and towards the end of the running order as well, it needs something special to get into people's heads. This... Wasn't.

23) Denmark - Bruno... Sorry, I mean... Basim! - 'Cliché Love Song' - 9th with 74 points

Did someone say Bruno Mars? The likeness was unbelievable and frankly, the song might well have been copied from the Mars back catalogue. It was a good song, although not entirely foreboding and for me, it was just too similar to what we've been inundated with already in the music charts. Seemed to go down well with everyone, but I wasn't fooled. 9th was fair. No higher.

24) The Netherlands - The Common Linnets - 'Calm After the Storm' - 2nd with 238 points

I'm fairly sure I didn't speak to one person who loved this song as much as I did. I only downloaded three songs from iTunes afterwards. Austria. Greece. And this. Oh, it was just wonderful. Unique, both great voices and it was a perfect song to have at this time of the competition.

Just beautiful...

 Its a simple observation, but I quite liked the setup of the microphones. It was like one microphone splitting into two, just increased the chemistry these two had on the stage, and if it wasn't for the simply unbelievable Conchita, these two would have won and should have won. It was billed as the "dark horse" of the competition by our host Graham Norton, and I'm pleased they lived up to that billing!

Just a side note, as the end of the voting grew nearer, this was still in big contention. If the 2015 edition was being hosted in Amsterdam, I definitely would have gone. Hey ho.


25) San Marino - Valentina Monetta - 'Maybe' - 24th with 14 points

I was very pleased for Valentina as she made it through to the grand final at her lucky 3rd attempt, but I'm sorry, the song was just plain boring. I didn't get it. And at second-to-last in the running order behind what was to be the act we were all waiting for, (Can you guess who's missing?!), it just went straight over my head. Hopefully we'll see her again though!

26) The United Kingdom - Molly Smitten-Downes - 'Children of the Universe' - 17th with 40 points

Its such a shame that this was drawn last on the billing because it is genuinely the best song that the UK have offered Eurovision in this century. It was a fantastic song, but we both felt that she could have given it a bit more welly. It seemed to be a largely conservative performance, as if Molly knew she wasn't going to win from last place. 17th was a harsh final position, but not altogether unsurprising.

Better luck next year?

All in all though it was a great, great show and I'm already looking forward to Austria 2015! Congratulations to Conchita Wurst. You could see how much it meant to her, and her rousing words at the end were a great message to the whole of Europe. Love beats hate. As it should!