In the meantime, I've been reading through older posts, as I'm sometimes accustomed to doing, and realised that I never blogged about "that tour". Oh yes, back in April, myself and 15 cricket club comrades took to the road and toured Wales for the weekend. It was a 4 days I will never, ever forget...
I remember the Wednesday night before. I was all packed and literally couldn't sleep through the excitement. I was like an 8-year old waiting to go to Disneyland. It was only when I was drifting off that I woke up startled that I had packed everything apart from my cricket whites. Bearing in mind we were indeed playing some cricket on this tour, my actual kit may well have been useful! I only got a few hours sleep then, when I decided to get up at about 8am and give the car I had been given for the weekend a spin around Bedford, (Thanks Craig!) I went to Tesco's, I went to Mum's for a cup of tea and even then there was still an hour to go before we actually left. By then I just decided to go to The Bury (our home ground) and wait. I walked around the club for an hour, soaking in the sporting atmosphere and remembering scorching hot days of the past, scoring runs and taking insane catches. At 9.30am, the first people turned up, each looking as excited as the next and it was 10am by the time everyone had turned up. There were four groups of four cars and we had decided beforehand to compete for a first victory of the tour. A Top Gear style race to the Copthorne Hotel in Cardiff. The first ones there get a drink bought for them. The last ones there face a forfeit.
I refused to come last.
Along the way, myself driving with TK, Ben and Dom alongside me, we cracked some jokes, throwed some rumours about what everyone had brought for their fancy dress costumes for Saturday night and I was in the best possible mood. Every now and then we checked on the locations of others and we quickly realised we were miles out in front. One team had forgotten something so had to turn round and go back half an hour in, (they inevitably came last), another team was stuck in traffic after going a different way (they finished 3rd) leaving us and Force India to battle it out for victory. We thought we were miles in front, even taking a brief stop on the hard shoulder of the M4 so Ben could piss in the bushes, (pulling into the services was not a risk I was willing to take). We didn't see Force India until the very last roundabout leading into the hotel when we pulled in behind them before the traffic lights. They would win. When the lights turned green, I fully expected them to turn left into the hotel, but they didn't. They'd missed the turning! We had won! It was the first of what was to be many memories!
After dossing around the hotel for a few hours, we made our way to our first game. It was a Twenty20 match in Newport. I won't spend too much time talking about the cricket, but we won by 7 wickets. I even bowled and got a wicket myself! On Friday, we had a glorious tour around the SWALEC stadium, where they hold some England test matches and is Glamorgan's home ground. Most anticipated this to be the low point of the whole tour, but it was actually really interesting learning about the history of the game in Cardiff and Glamorgan CCC. We even had a two-hour training session in their complex which was pretty cool. We each got a go against the high-tech bowling machine. Now. Me, rather unwisely, thought I'd use this time to work on my weaknesses. I told the boys to notch up the pace to 70mph and set the machine to bowling short. In other words. Very, very fast and at my face. Obviously I was wearing a helmet, but the very first ball I faced cracked me in the ribs. Not perturbed, but wincing a lot, I carried on. The 2nd ball clean bowled me. The third ball smashed me on my arm. The fourth ball glanced my helmet as I JUST got out of the way before I decided enough was enough. Back to a normal length and a normal pace, but by then I was so scared, I just kept getting out. It wasn't a wise move. And it was a move that won me the 'Dick of the Day' award. A forfeit was on the horizon...
Friday night however was when the real stories begin. Drinking in the hotel was funny enough, as we all naturally got drunk along with the youngsters of the group who wouldn't be able to come into the city centre with us. Michael, just 14, was the subject of a cruel experiment but he didn't let us corrupt his youth too much with excessive cider! By the time we went out, everyone was suitably lucid and the night ahead was one not to be forgotten.
We went to a couple of bars, joked around and danced, met Kev from American Pie and danced some more. It was hilarious. Things after though notched up a level. I won't say names, but one of the party invited us all to the local "exotic bar joint" as he so aptly put it. Most of the party said "no don't be stupid", and bearing in mind I really should have been at the front of that party, I was as surprised as everyone else to find myself saying, "Why not". It really wasn't long before I realised that this place, as if I didn't know before, wasn't really for me... I left and found the other guys carrying on the drinking some place else. The chaps I left behind spent literally hundreds. One of the guys I had found was then promptly kicked out of the new bar for trying to scoop beer from the taps himself into his own mouth. It was extraordinary! By 3.30am, there were 3 of us left, and even then, it was so much fun. We eventually got in at 4am and proceeded to wake everyone up. Such fun!
I'm not sure about everyone else, but I certainly woke up with a sore head. What was worse was that I had my forfeit to complete. After my antics against the bowling machine the day before, my forfeit was to wear my fancy dress costume a day early. For the whole day. Basically, I hadn't had any time to buy anything new for the fancy dress part so I went with an old idea. An idea that resides in this blog.
Yes. I had to be dressed, for the whole day, as The Stig.
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| Trust me when I say... You can't see an awful lot out of that visor... |
Turning up to our opponent's ground for our game on Saturday sure was interesting. Not only did I have to dress as The Stig, I had to act like him as well. A WHOLE DAY, of pure silence in a roasting hot white racing suit. There was a long walkway from the car park to the changing rooms, and I could hear the opposition laughter from a long way away. The reaction was exactly the same as that party from months ago. People loved it.
It turns out we were very early for the game, so I gave myself a chance to survive and took the visor off in the changing room. I was determined to not let any of the opposition see. I wasn't captain for the day, (captaining while silent is tough!) so when Monty came back in and announced we were batting, I was delighted. I was to open as The Stig, and when I walked out donned in pads, gloves and holding my GM, everyone was roaring with laughter. The opening bowler must have wondered what he was bowling at. I could barely see a thing as the first ball approached. I could just about see the outline of the ball leaving the bowlers hand, and managed to glance my first ball for a single, to rapturous cheers from both sets of teams. Even I was stumped as to how I had managed to hit that. It didn't quite go to plan for the 2nd ball though as I was clean bowled. Naturally, I stood there for a while, before walking off.
I wasn't going to survive the whole day wearing the visor as it was extremely warm, so decided to allow myself to take it off when I wasn't on the field to allow some breathing space. The rest of the day went along without any hiccups, despite fielding at slip wearing the visor, and we got thrashed. Not that it mattered.
Saturday night was even better than the Friday night. We all got very drunk again, but this time, we ALL went out in fancy dress. Of course, I was still stuck in my Stig costume, but others joined me in the fancy dress fun. There was a couple of monks, Danny Zuko from Grease, a Guantanamo Bay prisoner (he's the controversial one of the group!), a bottle of Jagermeister, a superhero of some description, and even 53-year old Charlie joined in the fun dressed as a Ghostbuster. It was just brilliant.
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| The touring party in all its fancy dress glory. (A couple of them were lazy in getting changed in time!) |
That night goes down as one of the most interesting and funny nights of my life. If you looked at the night on paper, you'd see a group of lads going to a club. No biggy. But but what happened inside that club was truly memorable. 53-year old Charlie, led a conga line around the club, consisting of a good 30 people to the Ghostbusters theme tune. He also downed a fair few shots in a night he will surely remember. Myself, dressed as His Stigness of course, got chatted up by more girls than the rest of the other guys combined and Dom simply melted in his Jagermeister costume. Bless him! It was just indescribably glorious though!
There's not a lot more to describe as our game on Sunday, rather thankfully for me as I was seriously struggling at this point, was rained off. We drove home, almost in as high a spirit as we came, running through the events of the past 4 days.
17th-20th April 2014. A trip I will always remember.
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