As a teenager, especially around the ages of 14, 15, 16, I HATED, beyond anything else, being "patronised". At every event or sporting day, there were comments, probably unintentional, about my age. It wasn't just me, the comments were very general. I still hear a few these days, especially in the refereeing world, although I would like to think I was more mature to think nothing of it and have since discovered the meaning of the word, "banter".
But when I was a few years younger than I am now, I always thought there was no need for older people, around 30+, to comment on how us, "younger lot", were taking over. Or how good it is that us, "younger generation", were getting opportunities and the like. At that age, I found it quite demeaning for some reason. I remember a couple of distinct examples. A golf tournament, when I was 15, there were a lot of juniors playing in a tournament and a couple of old heads claimed how good it was that their sport was so popular amongst younger people. It was good, but by the tone of their voice, it sounded like they thought they were being taken over. They thought their traditional club was being modernised into something they were not used to. I used to think we were looked down upon by older members. These days, I am no longer a member, for other reasons, mainly the cost of it all in these difficult, difficult days.
Tonight though, I remembered another scenario in which I felt patronisingly young in a sea of older beings. Tonight was the County Cup Final Referee's evening. An evening in which a number of selected referees find out which cup final they have been given. An evening full of surprise, gossip and social outlook. After a hiccup, I got given the Under-18 Floodlit Final as an Assistant, exactly what I was expecting and much better than the other possibility! Ask me for details, I can't be bothered to go into it here and now. However, after the distribution of the finals, I went across to a face I knew, who I play cricket with. I didn't even know he was a referee, and sure enough this was his first season. I congratuled him on his appointment and then said 2 things I instantly regretted.
"I got a final in my first season aswell, it's a great achievement buddy!" and ... worst of all, "It's good to see so many younger referees getting finals!"
Why did I say that?! Ok, I'm only 19, but this was my 4th cup final evening in 5 years, I sort of felt a bit of a veteran of the event, (without trying to brag!) Yet, I felt it necessary to say exactly the same things I hated when I was his age. Even now, I'm saying things like, "When I was his age". What is wrong with me!? When I walked away from the conversation, after one of those awkward silences, I regretted it instantly. Why am I patronising him!? Bloody idiot!
I remember my first cup final evening. I was spoken to by a lot of senior officials who said a lot of the same sort of things. They couldn't have been intentionally patronising, but it felt like it. I only knew a few people, and I was getting youth cup finals whilst watching others get big, adult finals. I felt like a small fish in the Pacific Ocean. It wasn't entirely comfortable and I suppose it was the same for many of the newer referees there tonight. It didn't help that the dress code said, "smart casual". Every other year, the dress code has been, "strictly smart", so most people took the same attitude. I went in a shirt and trousers, (but, importantly, no tie!) The older heads, the heads that had been there before, went much the same way, some even further. I felt a little bit sorry for the people who were coming to their first final and saw the words, "smart casual", so thought it meant shirt and jeans. What I would consider the usual, "smart casual". They looked a little out of place, and inferior, and I'm sure they were nervous, as I was for my first ever evening, and this didn't help them. One guy even turned up wearing a pink polo shirt and a beanie hat. He looked a little sheepish!
You see. I'm STILL being patronising. Even now.
Well, I do turn 20 in about 2 months. 20? What happened to the time? It didn't feel so long ago I was playing on the green, playing Knockout and climbing over people's garden walls innocently to collect a football, or going to parties and getting a "party bag" or ... going to school! Simple old school... seems so long ago... (sorry!)
I'm not that old yet though, where I can get away with being a normal age. Your average adult will still say something along the lines of, "Corrr, I remember when I was 20... long time ago...", but I'm not young enough anymore to be innocent and be on the learning curve for what is right and wrong. I'm at that age, as are many others, where I haven't got the experience to tell interesting stories or be considered important in society, but I am old enough to take responsibilty for myself and take charge of my own life. It's a difficult age.
Still being patronised, but also doing the patronising...
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