Calamity Carr

Sundays are usually the highlight of my week. Despite being branded by most as a, "boring but relaxing end to the week", I am usually driving around attending different sporting functions, all of my week's activity coming in an eight-and-a-half hour stretch, all at once. However, today was a bit different.

As has become usual with my Saturday night's, I didn't get to sleep till the darkest hours. 5am, I got to sleep, mainly because I couldn't before that for reasons unknown. Waking up at half 9 then, for a bog standard league game for a team I am not really bothered about anymore, was more difficult than I had imagined. Bed, as has become traditional, seemed a more attractive prospect, however, to avoid being pummelled by an enthusiastic manager, (and today's referee none the less), I hauled myself out of bed, and drove to the match, simply 2 minutes down the road. You could tell no one wanted to be there. The usual matchday hulabaloo was replaced with a somewhat serene and relaxed atmosphere, suggesting the others felt this was a bit of a come down from last weeks heroics. Either that, or they had been out on the lash, and let's face it, it was probably the latter. Our opponents however, all probably too old to hit the town these days, looked completely up for it and after going 1-0 up, there was only one way this match was going to go. Ok, it was 2-2, with a single minute left on the watch that was strapped to the wrist of Father Mitten, and ok, I made a clanger. We lost 3-2, and I don't care!

We couldn't win the league even before this game started. I'm not too fussed if we get promoted, seeing as I'm not playing next year anyway, and the only game worth being interested in is the cup final. There is no way I can get away with not playing otherwise, so I guess I'll just have to keep going...

As for my afternoon plans, they went completely down the pan. I didn't feel too well, mainly due to the fact of not enough sleep, (and let's face it, I'm used to much more!), and general lack of enthusiasm, meant I went for an intended few hours nap, but waking up at 9.30pm, meant it was anything but. So now I am left back in, "that pattern", being very down on myself and thinking...

I am, slowly but surely, losing interest in... well, everything. Playing football in the morning should be fun and something I want to do, not something I feel I have to do, to avoid disappointing other people. Refereeing should be something I looking forward to and enjoying once I am there, but I spend most of Friday and the consuing night, just not wanting to go. I didn't even want to go to nets this afternoon, an activity I enjoy a lot more than football, but even that failed. I am losing interest in everything, and honestly, I am mightily scared. I'm scared that, soon enough, I'm going to lose all the activities I once enjoyed, simply because I over-think things..

All because I'm being dragged down by my own brain. Sometimes, I just hate this.