Burning Out

Decisions need to be made and to be honest, although they will probably mean very little to you, they mean very much to me.. This weekend I played cricket on saturday and sunday and tonight's shift was a true killer. The game wasn't too good either..

I was tired after Saturday night's shift, it was a busy one. Only getting 4 hours sleep doesn't help and I turned up half asleep and fielded for 45 overs, taking a good catch however, before going out to bat. By this stage, I was ruined. I needed sleep desperately, even more so than I did last Monday driving back from London. Opening the batting requires a certain amount of concentration and technique. I had none of these today and ultimately got given out leg before to a ball that, as Mark Nicholas would say, "kept a lil' low!" I'm not usually the person to get annoyed by getting out or making a mistake in sport but when I got back to the dressing room I chucked my bat across the room. Smack into the wall it went. No one saw it, or heard it, I think, but when I had de-padded, I went for a walk. I went and lied down in the corner as the rest of my teammates went about trying to chase a good score on a difficult pitch.

I did a lot of thinking while sitting in that corner. I regretted putting myself through 2 matches and 3 shifts and it ultimately affected my performance across the whole weekend. At work and on the cricket field. I really have to make a decision on whether I want to play on Saturdays or Sundays. I can't possibly do both. Not anymore.

I have to pick one day from 2, for very different reasons. Saturdays is a laugh, I enjoy it and the banter is brilliant. However the standard and the pitches are fairly poor and I feel I can push myself a little further. This is where Sundays is good. The standard is perfect, but the pressure on winning and the "sledging" and competitiveness of it all, I do not enjoy. The last few matches have been fairly heated affairs, (for a cricket match!), mainly because my team-mates are hugely competitive. I do not like competitiveness in cricket. There's no need to go sledging every ball. Some would argue it puts the batsman off, but I feel it just isn't in the spirit. It takes the enjoyment out of it all, arguing all the time and disputing chirpiness, makes things depressing..

Saturdays and fun or Sundays and standard? We won on Saturday this weekend, whilst having fun and lost on Sunday surrounded by tension and two teams that honestly disliked each other at the end.. This morning, the choice seems easy, but go and watch me play 2 games again this weekend.. I just can't get enough and sure as hell, I will regret it.

Things are going to be worse in the Winter. 1) It will be Winter, which will makes things colder, wetter and more miserable and 2) I will be doing the same with the football season, which I am less enthusiastic about. I don't know why, because I have played and enjoyed football for the whole of my life, but the idea of refereeing adults on Saturday afternoons with little sleep and then playing on cold and wet Sunday mornings with no sleep at all... I'm not sure it will go too well..

At the moment though, I have some thinking to do and some talking to do with people. I'd like some opinions, especially from someone who is going through a very similar dilemma, albeit at a much higher level than me.. Enjoyment or Standard? The question. Whatever the case though, if it stays as it is, I will burn out very, very quickly.

And now, I must sleep.

Cya x