Finding My Feet

Believe it or not, the last couple of days have been relatively busy. Probably not what the rest of you would call "busy", but certainly more so than I expected.

Yesterday saw my inaugural NextStep meeting with an advisor paid for by the government, who's job description was to help me, and any other persons who step through her battered white door, to decide upon where to go next. I had urged myself beforehand that I was not going to go into it expecting to come back out with a career all panned out for me, and an easy road ahead, which is has been one of my downfalls recently. I have expected too much to happen, too soon. I have been too impatient. I was expecting a usual careers advice session, with the usual set questions that circulates the Careers Advisor circle, but what I got instead was an up-front, honest lady who used her own experiences and the experiences of her children, to work out what mine were. Strangely, she knew exactly where I was coming from as I tried my absolute hardest to get across the message that I had failed to tell up until that point. First of all, we spanned my recent history, including the rather failed attempt at University, plus my exploits from job to job. I told her that the nights at BP had done more bad to me than good, to which she completely agreed, and she even told me what it was like from a parents' point of view, seeing as her son had recently done exactly the same. I told her my interests, which are mostly sports based, but was quick to say that I thought a career in sport may diminish my interest in the subject, and generally extinguish my life. It sounds very contradictory saying that now...

 Again, she agreed. I was being agreed with left, right and centre, on all the points I came up with, which made me think about whether or not she genuinely did agree, or whether she was doing it just to raise my morale, which was clearly rock bottom. My paranoid mind thinks like that. Any praise that comes my way, I brush it off, thinking that they are just saying it to make me happy. This needs to change. I also mentioned that I enjoy writing, and even mentioned this blog, although she seemed to look at me in a way that suggested I do not look like the next Roald Dahl. Obviously.

The session itself, was just a starter point and needs to be built upon. I am expecting a phone call in the next few days to arrange a 2nd session, but was asked to complete a 'Health Skills Check' online, to collaborate my strengths and weaknesses, (with the 'weaknesses' section seeming more prominent in the final report), and give me some fields to try and explore. It took a whole two and a half hours to complete, with tricky numerical tests along with mechanical and abstract challenges and personal and social questions to complete. It was incredibly thorough, and the 26-page report I got back at the end of this, certainly confirmed this. It told me that I was more of a "team-working" sort of person, in contrast to working on my own, and that I wasn't great under pressure, although I was obviously intelligent and clever. My drive and ambition was also poor, which is something I already knew, along with the 'not being great under pressure' thing.

However, some of the fields it suggested I look into as careers were laughable. It suggested I become a Dramatherapist, which is an obvious no-go, as well as an Agricultural Inspector and some sort of Martial Arts Instructor. All of these were just ridiculous, until I looked further down the list to see some possibilities.

I have mentioned becoming a Police Officer before. I seem to remember typing the possibility in this very blog, and I have thought about it in the past. 2 things are stopping me however. 1) Again, I am no more certain of wanting to become a Police Officer, than I was with the whole University thing, and 2) At a time when the Government are making severe policing cutbacks, is there much chance of getting on the ladder soon? I predict not. As Jo, the NextStep advisor said, it really isn't easy being a young person at the moment. Boy, is she right on that one...

There were a few more slight possibilities, with Immigration and Customs careers being one of them, and also a career in Journalism being another, but these sorts of things need language and literature qualifications, both of which I don't have. (Yes, I have a GCSE in French, but that doesn't quite cut the mustard). So, until the next session at least, I feel I am no better off on knowing where I want to go, but like I say, I can't expect things to happen instantly. On the plus side, I did come out of that meeting immediately feeling a bit more positive about my future prospects. That's something else I need to do aswell. Look at the positives of situations, instead of dwelling on the negatives. As the song goes, always look on the bright side of life...

And today? Today, I've been at work. Yes, you read that right, I've been at work, but unfortunately, (or fortunately, depending on how you look at things), it was for one day only as I helped Mother Mitten out in her Shop of Many Bags. I am getting paid for the 4 hours of long and tedious nothingness I did however, so I can certainly take the positive out of that one! Along with this, I have picked up another game to referee on Sunday afternoon, which will gain me a bit more money that will certainly come in handy at some point, even if it is used to make up the money I may or may not spend in town tomorrow night...

Talking of tomorrow, I imagine it's going to be highly awkward. I am off to Eastbourne with Father Mitten to pack up the rest of my things and hopefully not say goodbye to so many people as I officially leave University. The experience I had looked forward to for 8 months, and it's over in 2 weeks, but I do still believe I have made the right decision. Maybe in 10, 20, 40 years time, I will regret it, but who knows. I made a mistake in going to University, but as many people have said, "it was my decision". And now I've got to make another strong decision when it comes to where I want to be in life. At the moment, the questions are still as unanswered as they were a couple of years ago, but hopefully the answer will come soon. The positive? I am 20. Not 50. I am younger than I think, and there is plenty of time still. I will be fine. I will be good. I will be cushty.

Suppose I'd better be off to sleep then. Up at 6am tomorrow, as Father Mitten is an early starter, and its now just past midnight. It's going to be a long road to success, and I've got to learn to fight in this world that's becoming more challenging by the day.