What Happens in Kavos...

Yesterday evening, I watched a show on Channel 4 called, 'What Happens in Kavos'. It was a documentary based around the antics of mostly teenagers as they embark on a "lads" or "girls" holiday to a classic party resort. I have always heard good stories about these places. Many of my friends have been on at least one themselves, and have come home sporting bronze tans, less money but a bucketful of memories and memoirs. Even with my apparent reputation on the drinking scene in the past few years though, I have always been absolutely terrified of the idea of going to one of these party islands, and watching this documentary last night confirmed why I felt this way.

A couple of weeks ago, I was watching another documentary, narrated by a girl called Stacey Dooley, entitled 'The Truth About Magaluf', which was a similar sort of programme to the one I watched last night. It allowed Miss Dooley to see behind the scenes of the madness of "Shagaluf", and opened my eyes into the jobs that people have there, and the impact on the locals as the island is hijacked by Brits looking for a boozy week or two. I get the impression that the concern has become so high about these places, that the media are sanctioning these programs to try and stop the madness. You may be asking, "What sort of madness?" ... And I shall tell you.

Examples from yesterday's programme included a young girl, aged 19, who had somehow managed to climb on top of a 15ft high DJ booth, whilst completely intoxicated, and fell, breaking her back. Another chap, had slipped on a curb outside a bar on the strip and either severely sprained or broke his ankle, (we never find out the extent of the damage). You might be thinking, "not THAT extreme", but after having a huge cast put on it, and given crutches, he then went back out and continued to party. Just walking around on a possible broken ankle, completely oblivious to the damage he might be causing it. Another "lad" had got into a fight with his 'friends' in his hotel room, and turned up at a Kavos clinic absolutely covered in his own blood and with a lacerated finger. He had to have a skin graft (I think), and if that didn't work, an amputation. He was a builder. So, no finger equals no work back home.

Now, you might be thinking, "Well, with the exception of the DJ booth incident, these things can easily happen in the UK". Yes, but the major difference between the UK and these party resorts is the level of alcohol that bars sell. In the UK, bars are not legally allowed to sell drinks that include more than a double measure of spirit. The maximum you can order is a "double" and more often than not, the price of those escalate quite a bit. I once paid £8 for a double. In Kavos, there is a drink being sold that includes TEN different spirits, all mixed together in a pint glass. Looking past the fact that something like that could genuinely kill someone, they are selling these drinks for no more than 3 euros. 3 EUROS! I nearly choked on my own drink when I heard that, yet ordinary people are going up to bars and ordering 2 or 3 of them at once. It was simply staggering...

Having been in a situation myself where I have had too much to drink, I can tell you that the results are not nice. But young Brits are putting themselves in immense danger by being abroad and completely ruined. In Magaluf, there are women walking around on the streets just stealing drunk people's money. Praying on the vulnerability of the intoxicated. Doesn't that scare anyone off? Doesn't anyone ask, "Oooh maybe we should go somewhere else?" ... It is quite incredible how far people stretch the realms of reality and end up in a world of complete lunacy. These places are not safe. Whichever way you look at it, even if you take it easy, it is quite possible that you will end up caught in the middle of a huge fight on the street, simply because of the quantity of them taking place. Yes, there are Police, but they are so stretched, dealing with incidents all over the island, it is almost impossible to control. It has got out of hand. It has reached the point, where the locals of these islands absolutely dread the Summer because they get completely overrun by Brits hijacking it and nearly running it into the ground. That's not fair surely?

The impact that these "amazing" Summer holidays have on the locals is profound. Not only does it cost them millions of pounds every Summer, some of the clearing up they have to do on the morning after the night before is ludicrous. Stacy Dooley spent a day helping the cleaning staff in a hotel and some of the mess they had to clean up was nothing short of rank. Vomit, condoms, pubic hair, even sperm on the windows. How inconsiderate do humans have to be to leave THAT kind of mess for strangers to clean up? Do they not care? This isn't an isolated incident. Out on the streets, cleaners have to clean up thousands of bottles and cups, dropped food, more vomit because people cannot handle the drink that is being offered so cheaply to them, pools of blood from the fights that occurred and other outrageous things. You might think I'm exaggerating, but having seen these two programs, I can tell you, I am not. It looked like the apocolypse.

I've had some quality nights out in my time, and haven't felt the need to travel abroad to have them. In the UK, we have controls and laws to at least try and stop people creating danger for themselves and others. A quote I heard from Magaluf was simply, "There are no rules". If I went to a resort with no rules, I would spend the whole time terrified of being jumped on and looking over my shoulder making sure there was no one following me. Even if I did make it inside a bar or a club, I would end up drinking horrific mixtures of drink and pressured into the "games" I haven't even mentioned. What happens to the people who can't handle their drink very well? How much money are people losing to the thieves I mentioned? How much money are people paying to be needlessly treated in hospital?

I've always wondered what these islands are like. People come back from them claiming they've had the times of their lives, and yes, they probably have. But I could never risk being one of the few people who come back without a wallet, a limb or even in some cases, their existence. What I've seen from these programs just reaffirms my thoughts that these places are simply places of hysteria, senselessness and idiocy.

It's around this time of year where people start thinking about booking a Summer holiday. If you're thinking of going to one of these places, be safe. Don't come back in a bodybag.