3 Sides Is A Triangle, What's 2?

Love can frazzle people's brains like nothing else can. Love can change a man from the most hardened hard man into a depleted, sobbing wreck. It's complicated when there's 2 people, more so when there's 3, but things sometimes just get over complicated. Sometimes things are just not meant to be. Sometimes things are just not worth the effort.

This girl I like, is being complicated. It's the same girl I mentioned a couple of weeks ago and have made a few brief references to, and I will admit, that despite my .... not hatred, but dislike, for relationships, this girl has changed me. Even if our contact has been limited. I can't describe it. I can't even begin to, so I won't try. For the first time in my rubbish life amongst relationships, I had the bottle to tell her straight up how I felt, only to be shoved back amongst the dirt. The cruelty of lust.

It's not as if I've lost all hope. She didn't say she felt the same, but she didn't say otherwise, but I'm not holding out much hope. And what exactly is going to happen if, by some miracle of Jesus, something did happen? Reckon I'd hold it together?

Exactly.

My ultimate fear, despite telling others to not "fret so much about these things", (Hey Mr.B?), I cannot help myself when it comes to my own situation. It's easy telling others not to worry about it, because it's not you worrying about it. When it's you, it's different. Very different.

I've never felt like this before. When I originally liked BC, it felt ... comfortable. It felt right and it felt like a new phase. This one is something I want just as much, but I feel more confident about it. Well... I did. Until this afternoon happened. Now I've lost all the confidence I have built up over months, because that's how bad I am at this. Months are needed for me to regain even the slightest bit of confidence in the concept of relationships. Right now, that confidence is on a very solid 0%..

I feel sad. Am I being stupid? I don't know. Let's not speak anymore about it.

On to a more, positive subject. Parties. My job means I don't get the opportunity to do what 19-year olds do, just get pissed. A few opportunities coming up though, starting with the trek to Manchester on the 19th November, which, I promise you Mr.B, I will take full advantage of in more ways than one! (wink, wink). 2nd one being a Christmas party I have miraculously managed to book a night off for, and 3rd the work do, which has been rearranged for mid-December. Seeing as I'm the youngest, I'll be the target to get as wasted as possible, so it'll be fun trying to hoard them off! The guys at BP, (apart from the obvious) are really a good laugh, so I am really looking forward to that. The Wall isn't making an appearance at all, thank Christ, because I think someone "forgot" to invite him.... Never mind, hey!

So, despite the troubles at the moment, I have a lot to look forward to. I must tell myself to keep positive as the cold Winter gets the grip over the nation.

No depression for Mitten.

Ciao x