Whatever Happened to Christmas?

You know when you step in through the front door from another endless, painful shift and you are greeted with a plate of posh profiterole dessert and a J2o, things are a little different. It's certainly tastier than the usual bowl of cornflakes and an orange juice, but it doesn't feel like a different day. It feels like the same old routine, but with a bit more ice.

You see, I made an effort yesterday. I tried beyond anything I've ever tried this year to enjoy it and look like I was enjoying it, up until I could take no more. The present opening, this time yesterday, was painstakingly similar to years gone before, but how else can you do it? The only difference was Mother Mitten asking where my present to her was. The truth is, I had only bought Mother and Father Mitten one combined present, whereas my sister had bought them loads of things. Mum was expecting more of me. It didn't come. Same old story.

The only difference this year, than every other year, was the absence of an old face sitting in the corner. I never thought how much this would affect me. I didn't think it would affect me at all in fact, but it did. As we went to lay flowers where she now rests, next to my late Grandfather, I couldn't help but think she would have enjoyed the occasion as much as she usually did, even if sometimes she didn't show it. Muddling through her Christmas lunch with the pace of a snail, dozing while the rest of us watch the same old Christmas tele. It was days like yesterday where I do miss my Grandma.

We visited the rest of the family, where my Uncle nonchalently described his way through the latest hospital experience and my cousin boasted about his recent Royal Variety performance with Take That.. I was sat in the corner, just wanting to go to sleep, but determined to seem interested in the exploits of everyone else.

I can't help being like this, you know. I can't help just wanting to keep myself to myself at times like this. But people expect differently, and on days like this, you don't want to be the one to ruin things.

Yesterday was different. I had Christmas lunch, although not a lot of it, and then my day had ended by 2pm. Work tonight, and when 9pm came round all too quickly, I was viciously tired. It had been a day where I had to work hard to try and not be a Scrooge. Mentally tough. It was hard realising that everyone else was winding down, but you had to do the same old rubbish. Why am I working at Christmas? What has happened to what was once the most magical day?

I happened, that's what.