Lisboa 2018 - The Eurovision Song Contest Review!

Another year has passed us by, and with it, the 63rd edition of the Eurovision Song Contest. However, for me, this was a first as Lisbon 2018 was my first ever LIVE Eurovision! A week spent in the Eurovision bubble of Portugal was possibly the greatest experience of my life, and most certainly a huge tick off the bucket list!

And with it, comes my annual review with a twist as I revisit how the songs sounded both on TV and live from the Altice Arena... As with most years, there were plenty of talking points outside the winner's enclosure, but for now... Let the review of the Eurovision Song Contest, begin!

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1) UKRAINE - Melovin with 'Under the Ladder' - 17th with 130 points

Kicking off the Eurovision Song Contest is never an easy feat, but Melovin, representing Ukraine, certainly made a good go of it. Starting his song encased in a coffin that opened up and ending on the piano as the flames rose around him pretty much sums up Eurovision in one song, and along with the catchy chorus, 17th place was maybe a tad harsh on young Melovin. Coming stone dead last in the jury vote with a lowly 11 points didn't help the cause...

Ooooh, woah oh oh, ohhhh, woah oh oh ooooh... Yeeeeeah...

2) SPAIN - Amaia & Alfred with 'Tu Cancion' - 23rd with 61 points

No one has ever won Eurovision from 2nd place in the running order, and it wasn't going to change this year as the producers placed the most uninspiring song right at the very start.

In what was the first instalment of real life love on stage for Europe to see, Amaia and Alfred have beautiful voices but you could sense the crowd wanting it to end. Only the large contingent of neighbouring Spanish fans made it at all bearable...



3) SLOVENIA - Lea Sirk with 'Hvala, Ne!' - 22nd with 64 points

One of a few songs to grow on me throughout the week, the staging certainly added to this modern dance number from Lea Sirk. Seeing it live in the arena on Thursday night, the trick of deliberately cutting the music halfway through and making it look like a technical fault was a trick that worked. By Saturday night though, the joke had worn thin and being 3rd in the running order left this decent number low down the scoreboard. I did like it though!




4) LITHUANIA - Ieva Zasimauskaite with 'When We're Old' - 12th place with 181 points

The second instalment from the real life love scrapbook comes from Ieva from Lithuania with her nice song about growing old, sang mainly from the floor...

I honestly can't remember an awful lot about it, and how it was being discussed as a potential favourite escapes me, but the moment on the bridge with her real-life husband at the end was a nice touch. 12th place was generous.



5) AUSTRIA - Cesar Sampson with 'Nobody But You' - 3rd place with 342 points

Possibly the shock of the competition came from Austria's Cesar Sampson who's upbeat, contemporary song started atop a large platform in the spotlight. It makes us Brits feel no better that the BBC allegedly turned down both Cesar and this song, and the Austrians made us pay for it!

I personally thought this was a middle of the road, but winning the jury vote certainly kick-started a great evening for Cesar!



6) ESTONIA - Elina Nachayeva with 'La Forza' - 8th with 245 points

There's usually at least one offering from the operatic world and this year's came from Estonia and Elina's admittedly stunning voice. Not as stunning as the dress though - which took an almighty 9 stage hands to carry on and off - and has some pretty incredible effects reflected against it throughout the 3 minutes of long notes that belong to an almighty pair of lungs. 8th was fair.

7) NORWAY - Alexander Rybak with 'That's How You Write a Song' - 15th with 144 points

Even the most part-time of Eurovision fans may well recognise this face from 2009 and the charismatic Mr Rybak was aiming for a second victory with this... Inventive yet lacking song about writing a song that he's already written... No, I don't know either...

The song is useless, but Rybak saved it to a degree with a polished and expected routine. 15th was a fair ranking in the end.

8) PORTUGAL - Claudia Pascoal with 'O Jardim' - 26th with 39 points

Our hosts go from hero to zero with this rather dull and forgettable offering from Claudia Pascoal. I can't offer many thoughts on it as I had saved this song for a quick 'switch off' moment, but by all accounts last place was fair, and maybe even a bit generous...

Exactly...


9) UNITED KINGDOM - SuRie with 'Storm' - 24th with 48 points

Now, where do we begin?

SuRie, through no fault of her own, managed to grab the headlines for all the wrong reasons as her song was sabotaged by a stage invader who grabbed her microphone for a politically-motivated rant.

For a good 20 seconds, the song was a mere backing track as the impostor was dragged off stage and the EBU cameras drifted around the audience, as a startled SuRie attempted to keep it going by clapping along with the fans, some of whom were completely unaware of the situation. A visibly shaken SuRie picked up another microphone and valiantly completed her song, but her final notes were shaky - and not surprisingly.

I feel so sad for SuRie. She turned down the chance to perform again, but the moment she had built up to for months was ruined by what the Australian commentators called "an absolute cockhead". I doubt the interruption made much of a difference to the final standing, but the whole experience was unsavoury and difficult to watch. I for one hope SuRie gets a second bite in (Insert City Here) 2019.


10) SERBIA - Sanja Ilic & Balkanika with 'Nova Deca' - 19th with 113 points

A rather odd offering from the Serbians eventually followed an unscheduled interview with the Ukranian act as the hosts decided what to do about the dramatic incident with SuRie - but it wasn't worth the wait unfortunately.

A ghostly start never really developed into much, and 19th was probably pretty generous. Next!



11) GERMANY - Michael Schulte with 'You Let Me Walk Alone' - 4th with 340 points

There were many songs that grew on me as the week went on, but none more than this from Michael Schulte, who deservedly finished 4th with this song about his Father.

The staging and graphics help hugely, reflected, not off an LED screen but a huge inflatable balloon - not that you would have known watching on TV. A beautiful song that brought a tear to my eye, I was pleased to see this do so well.


12) ALBANIA - Eugent Bushpepa with 'Mall' - 11th with 184 points

Another uninspiring entry from the other side of the continent, who benefited from a lack of Greek and Macedonian presence in the final, this song from Albania is another one that has been added to my 'I Don't Remember It Very Well' list.

The only thing I do know is that my friend Chris won some money when it qualified!



13) FRANCE - Madame Monsieur with 'Mercy' - 13th with 173 points

The halfway stage presented us with this classy offering from the French; yet another instalment of real-life love on stage and a song that was tipped as a potential dark horse. I did like it, and the pair managed to hypnotise the audience into mimicking their simple air-grabbing move at the end which proved popular both in the Eurovision Village and the Altice Arena.

I would have liked to see it finish in the top 10, but it wasn't to be.


14) CZECH REPUBLIC - Mikolas Josef with 'Lie To Me' - 6th with 281 points

The Czech Republic don't have a great record in Eurovision but this modern take on sex from an admittedly sexy guy was enough to catapult the nation to the lofty heights of 6th.

Mikolas - apparently a MASSIVE diva - managed to suffer a slipped disc a mere couple of weeks before the show, so the fact he managed to front flip off the stage means he earned every single one of his 281 points. It was a song I loved to begin with, but it started to grate the more I heard it, and his good looks did little to endear me to a song I gradually started to find rather annoying. 6th place was fair enough.


15) DENMARK - Rasmussen with 'Higher Ground' - 9th with 226 points

A pure, Scandinavian piece of Viking-like moves and mood managed to get a great public televote score despite a poor jury vote; another potential dark horse that went down well in the Eurovision village.

The message of the song was one of peace and to take the 'Higher Ground' and it was a deserved top-10 finish for the Viking.



16) AUSTRALIA - Jessica Mauboy with 'We Got Love' - 20th with 99 points

Agree or disagree with Australia's inclusion, it seems Europe didn't like this pop offering from Jessica Mauboy as it finished stone dead last in the public vote, only saved by a mediocre jury result. The song itself wasn't very memorable. In fact, a lone performance for a song about being in a group full of love was the oxymoron Jessica could have done without. Australia's lowest ever ranking...


17) FINLAND - Saara Aalto with 'Monsters' - 25th with 46 points

Fans of The X Factor will have seen a familiar face for the Finnish entry, as perennial runner-up Saara Aalto fell foul of possibly the harshest final spot after a fun and inspiring song about fighting your demons.

I can't explain a second-last finish, but at least Saara won't have the pain of a 2nd place finish. Only second last...


18) BULGARIA - Equinox with 'Bones' - 14th by 166 points

Another song that appears much better on our TV screen than live in the arena is from the dark and moody Bulgarians. Possibly dwarfed by the promise of the strongest finish to a Contest in recent times, it didn't place as high as many thought it would and - I have to be honest - it wasn't a favourite of mine either. The best part of it was the split screen graphics, which isn't the most favourable of compliments...

19) MOLDOVA - DoReDos with 'My Lucky Day' - 10th with 209 points

The winner of the 'Song I Hated but then Translated to A Song I Loved' award is this fun and cheeky offering from Moldova. The song doesn't amount to much, but as soon as we saw the live staging, it suddenly made sense. It was an impressive effort from the trio and their twins to remember the complex movements of doors and dances and Europe agreed. A deserved top 10 finish.

20) SWEDEN - Benjamin Ingrosso with 'Dance You Off' - 7th with 274 points

It took me months to try and work out where I knew this name from, before it eventually clicked last week that I was thinking of Benjamin's brother, Sebastian - one half of club band Swedish House Mafia.

Unfortunately, Benjamin's nature doesn't endear him to the popular vote - so much so that with every "douze points" from the jury was greeted with a large groan from the substantial Village crowd. I can certainly see why; Benjamin came across as unbelievably smug - even more so than Mikolas and Mr Rybak before him, and that look doesn't look good. Proved by the dire televote that ruined Sweden's chances of victory.

21) HUNGARY - AWS with 'Vizslat Nyar' - 21st with 93 points

Just like the operatic option chosen to represent Estonia, there is always one hard rock twig thrown on to the bonfire, and if there was one thing that twig did, it was boost it. The screaming was drowned out only by the fireworks and the flames, but while bands like these try and replicate Lordi's victory 12 years ago, Europe doesn't quite go for this kind of thing.

22) ISRAEL - Netta with 'Toy' - 1ST WITH 529 POINTS

Jerusalem 2019 anyone?

A slightly controversial winner this one, but barring the SuRie saga, this rather strange song from Netta was the biggest talking point and enough to win the hearts and minds of Europe, who went as mental as the song whenever it was played. The song itself is about the #MeToo movement; and how women are not the play things of guys, but you wouldn't have guessed it by the way the chicken dance and the noises, plus the creepy waving cats and the erratic dances were anything to go by. 

It's a marmite song; incidentally getting the largest amount of "dislikes" for a Eurovision winner on YouTube, but the huge cheers that erupted from the village proved conclusive as Israel secure the trophy for the first time since Dana International in 1998.

23) THE NETHERLANDS - Waylon with 'Outlaw in 'Em' - 18th with 121 points

As always, it is never easy following the eventual winner, and this year's offering from the country world was this catchy tune from Waylon - who has had previous success in Eurovision as one half of the Common Linnets. 

While the song was good, it was somewhat ruined by strange dancers who looked more like drugged-up monsters trying to dance at a heavy metal gig in Shoreditch. It completely ruined the song, and potentially contributed to a surprisingly low finish.

24) IRELAND - Ryan O' Shaughnessy with 'Together' - 16th with 136 points

Ireland finally reached the Grand Final for the first time since 2013, and very late on, made a surge up the betting odds to 3rd favourites. Many backed it as a dark horse, but the song ultimately fell short.

This sad song is about a break-up, but the special aspect of it isn't the singer - that some of you may recognise from Britain's Got Talent - it was the pair of male dancers. It was the first time that the story was about a same-sex male couple on the Eurovision stage as the dancers captured the hearts of the European crowd, if not the Chinese one. I have to admit to shedding a tear in the arena on Tuesday night and I'm disappointed it finished so low. It was one of my favourites from the start, and remains so even now.

25) CYPRUS - Eleni Foureira with 'Fuego' - 2nd with 436 points

So near yet so far for the Cypriot Beyoncé, who just missed out on the Eurovision crown with this contemporary and sexy number. Many people preferred this to the eventual winner, and while the song was full of style and panache, hot favourite Eleni will have to make do with the runner-up spot, along with those of us who would have much preferred a trip to sunny Limassol instead of the tense city of Jerusalem...




26) ITALY - Ermal & Fabrizio Moro with 'Non mi Avete Fatto Niente' - 5th with 308 points

The Italians have had pretty good success from the final spot in the running order, (Remember Il Volo?) and this was another successful night for them whilst rounding off the show.

This was another song that benefited from intelligent graphics and a song that grew on me throughout the week. Also, along with Germany, the song that I have been listening to most post-contest. A deserved 5th place finish!


And there we have it. Another contest has passed, with drama, class and tears. A special mention for non-qualifiers San Marino - who's presence in the Grand Final will occur one day! I for one would have loved the sassy robots exposed to the final stage, but it wasn't to be.

Reconvene in May 2019? See you in Israel!