Ive just had one of those days. I haven't felt especially down or upset about anything.. it's just a day where pretty much everything goes wrong..
This started in the early hours. I decided, after much deliberation, to go to town with a few peeps. It turned out to be fairly awful, with flashes of OK-ness, but it really wasn't something to write home about. On top of this, I ended up helping a friend back to their house after they had had too much. I'd be hypocritical to say that this annoyed me cos I have been there before... as have most 18 year olds! Just one of those times, I found myself on the other end of the situation!
This journey home took ... forever! We probs left town at about 2:15 and I didn't walk in my front door until about 3:40, surrounded by an ice cube.. We got a cab home and we had multiple drop off points cos people just wanted to get home.. Now, this cab driver, I felt, could hardly speak a known Earth language, let alone English. Getting to this person's house was a pain and it also cost £15.. and then he drove off! Bastard! So I ended walking home with Kettle. Not so much a bad thing, cos we had a good chat .. but I did get hypothermia and looked like Frosty the Snowman by the end of it.
Then our match was called off this morning. Our top of the league grudge match! Not so bad as I was shattered, (NOT hungover, repeat, NOT HUNGOVER!) so I went back to sleep... and woke up 10 minutes before the kick off of the match I was supposed to be refereeing... shit.. I got there in time though and there was no trouble.. I had a shocker of a game aswell! Never mind!
Now I sit here, with tiredness swept over me like a blanket of snow, (I should sell that metaphor to authors) and basically just living out the rest of the day. I still get the feeling something useless is gonna happen... after all... I am having that kind of day!
Ciao x
Sunday 31 January 2010
Saturday 30 January 2010
It All Comes Out In The End
It does indeed. I'm glad I was the one to do it though. Not some moron who feels spreading my life around their friends, while drunk, is a funny thing to do. I'm glad I spread this blog to the people who have helped me out in my life, (some more than others, but they all helped - and for this I am so very grateful).
I even told my sister. This was a big step. Telling family all my problems is a big thing for me and telling my sister opened up the opportunity to tell my parents. Laura was the person to do it.. but I feel better for it now.. I'm still unsure of how much she told them.. I must ask her soon.
On to bigger and better things - my interview today was a mixed bag. The hours I would work if I did land the job, would match a desperate Eastern Europeans hours yet the money coming with that is outrageously good.. But whats the point in having that money if you haven't got the time to use it? Big decision coming up... if they call me back! I'd like your views on this people! Maybe there are more people reading this now, so if you have any advice, or any questions, please leave a lil message on facebook, (preferably as a message and not on my wall - we don't want morons looking now do we!) ;)
Recently, I have loved listening to music in the early hours. It really relaxes me and makes me forget the problems. As you read this blog, you may fall across Blog Titles that match a song title or lyrics.. That's just me thinking... I do a lot of thinking!
I'm off now.. Off to listen to some more music and chill out! I need to do more of it and relax! It sure helps! Keep the questions coming people... I enjoy the attention! :P
Much love x
I even told my sister. This was a big step. Telling family all my problems is a big thing for me and telling my sister opened up the opportunity to tell my parents. Laura was the person to do it.. but I feel better for it now.. I'm still unsure of how much she told them.. I must ask her soon.
On to bigger and better things - my interview today was a mixed bag. The hours I would work if I did land the job, would match a desperate Eastern Europeans hours yet the money coming with that is outrageously good.. But whats the point in having that money if you haven't got the time to use it? Big decision coming up... if they call me back! I'd like your views on this people! Maybe there are more people reading this now, so if you have any advice, or any questions, please leave a lil message on facebook, (preferably as a message and not on my wall - we don't want morons looking now do we!) ;)
Recently, I have loved listening to music in the early hours. It really relaxes me and makes me forget the problems. As you read this blog, you may fall across Blog Titles that match a song title or lyrics.. That's just me thinking... I do a lot of thinking!
I'm off now.. Off to listen to some more music and chill out! I need to do more of it and relax! It sure helps! Keep the questions coming people... I enjoy the attention! :P
Much love x
Thursday 28 January 2010
Playing with Fire
The last couple of days have been an event in life's tapestry. My plans to take my ex-boss to court over unpaid wages, (which was the event I wasn't so sure I could talk about), blew up in my face thanks to meddling parents. Or parent. Which one, shall remain a secret. I know full well that the process would have been a long drawn-out process but I was adament I wasn't going to let that scheming bastard get away with "saving money". This parent of mine had other ideas, however, and decided to just fuck it up without telling... Great! Make me look like a mug!
Aswell as this, something strange happened. I was literally being shouted at, (by text which ain't so bad..) from someone I used to care about and her meddling, drunken friend. Now, if I knew what I had done, I may understand.. but.. I just don't.. I have no idea why she has blown up and now she refuses to even talk to me.. My attitude to her now is the "fuck it" approach. I have too much to worry about without worrying about overreacting little madams like her if I'm gonna be brutally honest.
On to lighter news, I do have a job interview tomorrow. For a new Estate Agents opening in Stony Stratford, (wherever that is... I may have to look that one up..) so hopefully that goes well. I know the whole process, as with everything at the moment, will take forever, so I won't be starting for a while yet. Joy..
Recently, I get the feeling with me that sometimes I talk to people quite well and then other times its just as if Im not bothered? I don't know what you lot think about it but maybe this is me being slightly paranoid.. What with the couple of mistakes I've made recently, I get the feeling that people do not forgive as well as I do. Once again, I take the "fuck it" approach to mistakes and get on with it. People make them. So what? Doesn't mean you should hold a grudge.. People should forgive and forget a lot easier in my opinion. Yet again, it's not my life is it.
I know I'm useless at talking to people about problems. To be fair, there is only 1, maybe 2 people out there I can properly talk to. I'm talking to one of my friends now, he's a great mate don't get me wrong, but I'm speaking to him about problems and it scares the living shit outta me cos he responds as if it's the end of the world. Maybe it's just me that gets that.. I'll never be able to explain. Just maybe sometimes I want to hear something different.. something I want to hear rather than people being honest. Like now for example, this friend of mine is being brutally honest and now I wished I hadn't bought up the conversation... it feels like we've just drifted further apart because of this conversation. Why can't people just forgive and forget? Surely its so much easier?!
Watching Skins didn't help either. Basically made me think about all of my problems while the main character in this episode, (ironically also called Thomas), dealt with his. Our problems are very different but bring out the same reaction. Sadness. Ever since those darn A-Levels.. all the pressure surrounding them i just haven't been able to get rid of that feeling.. I can't. I really can't.
Aswell as this, something strange happened. I was literally being shouted at, (by text which ain't so bad..) from someone I used to care about and her meddling, drunken friend. Now, if I knew what I had done, I may understand.. but.. I just don't.. I have no idea why she has blown up and now she refuses to even talk to me.. My attitude to her now is the "fuck it" approach. I have too much to worry about without worrying about overreacting little madams like her if I'm gonna be brutally honest.
On to lighter news, I do have a job interview tomorrow. For a new Estate Agents opening in Stony Stratford, (wherever that is... I may have to look that one up..) so hopefully that goes well. I know the whole process, as with everything at the moment, will take forever, so I won't be starting for a while yet. Joy..
Recently, I get the feeling with me that sometimes I talk to people quite well and then other times its just as if Im not bothered? I don't know what you lot think about it but maybe this is me being slightly paranoid.. What with the couple of mistakes I've made recently, I get the feeling that people do not forgive as well as I do. Once again, I take the "fuck it" approach to mistakes and get on with it. People make them. So what? Doesn't mean you should hold a grudge.. People should forgive and forget a lot easier in my opinion. Yet again, it's not my life is it.
I know I'm useless at talking to people about problems. To be fair, there is only 1, maybe 2 people out there I can properly talk to. I'm talking to one of my friends now, he's a great mate don't get me wrong, but I'm speaking to him about problems and it scares the living shit outta me cos he responds as if it's the end of the world. Maybe it's just me that gets that.. I'll never be able to explain. Just maybe sometimes I want to hear something different.. something I want to hear rather than people being honest. Like now for example, this friend of mine is being brutally honest and now I wished I hadn't bought up the conversation... it feels like we've just drifted further apart because of this conversation. Why can't people just forgive and forget? Surely its so much easier?!
Watching Skins didn't help either. Basically made me think about all of my problems while the main character in this episode, (ironically also called Thomas), dealt with his. Our problems are very different but bring out the same reaction. Sadness. Ever since those darn A-Levels.. all the pressure surrounding them i just haven't been able to get rid of that feeling.. I can't. I really can't.
Wednesday 27 January 2010
Clearing Up Literally and Hypothetically!
I would like to clear something up. A few people recently have congratulated me on getting a job, and although this is nice and cheerful and I am greatful for the thought, it was NOT a job. Well.. it was... but it was a temporary job for 1 day and 1 day only! Therefore, I am as unemployed as I was before! Britain has officially exited Recession today - which means I'll get a job tomorrow right? No?
Anyway, to the literal side of clearing up, last night was fun, (apart from a bit of vomit towards the end of the night that tasted strangely like a mixture of Red Square and Southern Fried Chicken...). That's the literal phase of the clearing up cos obviously Beddoe wasn't going to do it... although I distinctly remember him unblocking the sink plughole of my chicken vomit with his bare hands... good work Beddoe!
Last night was epic in fact. Manchester was rocking, on a Monday night! Every1 had finished exams so it was basically their weekend! Turns out also I have an obsession with Florence lookalikes, but I am fairly sure Beddoe is lying about the latest one! I also remember drinking a hell of a lot of shots and also a lot of vodka red bull, but seeing as they were a single pound each - I wasn't gonna say no!
I also have an exhilerating yet sometimes regrettable habit of sending a stupid amount of drunken texts.. like literally hundreds! I have 197 inbox messages at the moment and this time last night I had 13.. Yeah.. most people don't mind a bit of harmless texting at 3am but some people don't like it so I have to pre-warn them! Ha! It is funny though... Right?
What have I got planned for the rest of the week? A bit of sport based fun here and there and thats that. Suppose I'd better get job-hunting aswell... sigh... It becomes a chore after a while and your enthusiasm for looking is drained as it's very tough to find one after so long... I willl fight on don't get me wrong.. but it is tough...
As usual, please do ask questions (CW) ;), and have a good couple of days! No doubt I'll update you on my multi-million quid a week position come Thursday! Sort of...
Ciao x
Anyway, to the literal side of clearing up, last night was fun, (apart from a bit of vomit towards the end of the night that tasted strangely like a mixture of Red Square and Southern Fried Chicken...). That's the literal phase of the clearing up cos obviously Beddoe wasn't going to do it... although I distinctly remember him unblocking the sink plughole of my chicken vomit with his bare hands... good work Beddoe!
Last night was epic in fact. Manchester was rocking, on a Monday night! Every1 had finished exams so it was basically their weekend! Turns out also I have an obsession with Florence lookalikes, but I am fairly sure Beddoe is lying about the latest one! I also remember drinking a hell of a lot of shots and also a lot of vodka red bull, but seeing as they were a single pound each - I wasn't gonna say no!
I also have an exhilerating yet sometimes regrettable habit of sending a stupid amount of drunken texts.. like literally hundreds! I have 197 inbox messages at the moment and this time last night I had 13.. Yeah.. most people don't mind a bit of harmless texting at 3am but some people don't like it so I have to pre-warn them! Ha! It is funny though... Right?
What have I got planned for the rest of the week? A bit of sport based fun here and there and thats that. Suppose I'd better get job-hunting aswell... sigh... It becomes a chore after a while and your enthusiasm for looking is drained as it's very tough to find one after so long... I willl fight on don't get me wrong.. but it is tough...
As usual, please do ask questions (CW) ;), and have a good couple of days! No doubt I'll update you on my multi-million quid a week position come Thursday! Sort of...
Ciao x
Sunday 24 January 2010
Chilling Out
Is what I am doing at the moment! It's nearly midnight, I'm listening to a bit of Sting and Fleetwood Mac and looking forward to the drive and consequent stay in Manchester tomorrow and, for the moment at least, life is all gravy!
I am waiting for the subsequent down feeling that will inevitably come along but I am determind to enjoy this good feeling while it lasts. It doesn't happen all that often so I savour it when it comes. Ahh.. Michael Jackson - Man in the Mirror. Pure classic.
Football today was fairly successful. A long, long ... long break came to and end with a great 5-2 victory. I didn't have a lot to do which is good and bad. I would like to be kept busy occasionally though.. Refereeing this afternoon was fairly average but I got the money that goes to the Manchester fund! That's 19 drinks right there! Woop!
I don't have a lot to say... my blog has been fairly uneventful recently which I can only apologise for but not a lot has happened recently! (At least nothing I can talk about!) Trust me, once I know I'm allowed to talk about the thing I'm thinking of... you official and "unofficial" readers are in for a right treat! But until then, you must bear with my blunderous chatting about nothing in particular!
I'll leave you with a thought. If you want to make the world a better place.. take a look at yourself then make the change. (Yeah its an MJ lyric!) R.I.P x
Bye x
I am waiting for the subsequent down feeling that will inevitably come along but I am determind to enjoy this good feeling while it lasts. It doesn't happen all that often so I savour it when it comes. Ahh.. Michael Jackson - Man in the Mirror. Pure classic.
Football today was fairly successful. A long, long ... long break came to and end with a great 5-2 victory. I didn't have a lot to do which is good and bad. I would like to be kept busy occasionally though.. Refereeing this afternoon was fairly average but I got the money that goes to the Manchester fund! That's 19 drinks right there! Woop!
I don't have a lot to say... my blog has been fairly uneventful recently which I can only apologise for but not a lot has happened recently! (At least nothing I can talk about!) Trust me, once I know I'm allowed to talk about the thing I'm thinking of... you official and "unofficial" readers are in for a right treat! But until then, you must bear with my blunderous chatting about nothing in particular!
I'll leave you with a thought. If you want to make the world a better place.. take a look at yourself then make the change. (Yeah its an MJ lyric!) R.I.P x
Bye x
I'm Being Forced To Write In Here..
Not that thats a bad thing.. I can assure you once and for all that a) I will not be talking about tonight's exclusive and fairly interesting events and b) This shall not be a long entry as I do not divulge a lot of information whilst slightly intoxicated..
Chris ... be quiet.. I am not writing anything in here!
Right, normal talk.. well... My bank balance has gone up! Yay! Always a good sign! I'm off to Manchester next week also to enjoy a few nights of fun with Beddoe! Hang on.. that sounds slighlty homo-erotic... I'll re-phrase it...
I'm off to Manchester next week to get fucked with Beddoe! No wait... still not right... Man I'm useless! Basically, I'm going to be drinking a fair bit of the stuff us 18 year olds like to call "alcohol" and basically get smashed! I knew I'd find the right word in the end!
I was about to start typing about things I'm not allowed to start typing about (See 'Neglect') but I am just about sober enough to not shout and curse at my keyboard and type out things I'll regret tomorrow! Phew!
Well... that's me done. I suppose I might aswell get a few hours kip before the fun of tomorrow begins... Yayyy!
Cheerio x
Chris ... be quiet.. I am not writing anything in here!
Right, normal talk.. well... My bank balance has gone up! Yay! Always a good sign! I'm off to Manchester next week also to enjoy a few nights of fun with Beddoe! Hang on.. that sounds slighlty homo-erotic... I'll re-phrase it...
I'm off to Manchester next week to get fucked with Beddoe! No wait... still not right... Man I'm useless! Basically, I'm going to be drinking a fair bit of the stuff us 18 year olds like to call "alcohol" and basically get smashed! I knew I'd find the right word in the end!
I was about to start typing about things I'm not allowed to start typing about (See 'Neglect') but I am just about sober enough to not shout and curse at my keyboard and type out things I'll regret tomorrow! Phew!
Well... that's me done. I suppose I might aswell get a few hours kip before the fun of tomorrow begins... Yayyy!
Cheerio x
Friday 22 January 2010
Neglect
Oh I am sorry I seem to have neglected you all recently! The truth is, I really haven't had a lot to write in the last few days as this week has been as average as a day at work. Not that I know what that feels like recently..
Well thats a lie actually because I did spend 6 hours listening to Autoglass clients complaints about not being treated properly.. like it's my problem and I should deal with it? I don't work for Autoglass I simply helped them out for a day for a bit of cash. Simples! I don't want to be doing temp work for long because it is simply awful...
An interesting development has turned up in the last couple of days however. I'm not sure I'm allowed to digress on the internet about it however so I shall keep it shut until I know it's safe to do so. You never know, it may be construed as "unprofessional". If you really are that intrigued, you can ask me in private. Some people already know! Ooh, I have an e-mail, bear with me for one second!
*Reads e-mail*
Turns out it was a company trying to sell me viagra. Like I need it! I did get excited and thought it was a reply from the numerous jobs I've applied for then realised companies aren't going to reply at 2:10 in the morning so.. yeah.. I'm stupid!
Currently listening to Michael Jackson's Earth Song and realised... Global Warming is pointless. It's rained a bit recently and that's due to people caring about Global Warming. The -130,405 degrees we've had recently is due to people acting against Global Warming. Global Warming is GOOD! It makes Summer's hot and winter's bearable which is how it should be!
However, I feel like I am turning into Jeremy Clarkson complaining about everything so I shall move on.. I've given up thinking about life so much. Shit happens and you've just gotta get on with things. My attitude on this will have changed by next week however so I'll live in comfort for this week before starting to worry about things on Monday.. Ahh the good ol' life!
I fancy a curry... Don't know why and it is highly unpractical at 2am but hey.. i just do!
I'll leave you to get on with your lives. I hope you have a successful couple of days! I look forward to hearing about them.
Ciao x
Well thats a lie actually because I did spend 6 hours listening to Autoglass clients complaints about not being treated properly.. like it's my problem and I should deal with it? I don't work for Autoglass I simply helped them out for a day for a bit of cash. Simples! I don't want to be doing temp work for long because it is simply awful...
An interesting development has turned up in the last couple of days however. I'm not sure I'm allowed to digress on the internet about it however so I shall keep it shut until I know it's safe to do so. You never know, it may be construed as "unprofessional". If you really are that intrigued, you can ask me in private. Some people already know! Ooh, I have an e-mail, bear with me for one second!
*Reads e-mail*
Turns out it was a company trying to sell me viagra. Like I need it! I did get excited and thought it was a reply from the numerous jobs I've applied for then realised companies aren't going to reply at 2:10 in the morning so.. yeah.. I'm stupid!
Currently listening to Michael Jackson's Earth Song and realised... Global Warming is pointless. It's rained a bit recently and that's due to people caring about Global Warming. The -130,405 degrees we've had recently is due to people acting against Global Warming. Global Warming is GOOD! It makes Summer's hot and winter's bearable which is how it should be!
However, I feel like I am turning into Jeremy Clarkson complaining about everything so I shall move on.. I've given up thinking about life so much. Shit happens and you've just gotta get on with things. My attitude on this will have changed by next week however so I'll live in comfort for this week before starting to worry about things on Monday.. Ahh the good ol' life!
I fancy a curry... Don't know why and it is highly unpractical at 2am but hey.. i just do!
I'll leave you to get on with your lives. I hope you have a successful couple of days! I look forward to hearing about them.
Ciao x
Monday 18 January 2010
Success? Me?
Well... I wouldn't call it a full success but work is work in this day and age! Its only a temporary job in a call centre but it gives me something to fill the hours of nothingness and Football Manager at least! And it gets me much needed monies.. The only down side of this being I have to be there at 8am! I'm not used to ridiculously early starts even back in the school days! Oh well... Who am I to complain..?
My laptop has seemingly fixed itself so the charger is fine if I leave it in forever.. The trip to Huntingdon today was fairly pointless as it turned out I only signed up to yet another agency but it gave me an opportunity to get out the house and do something productive, and also buy 3 caramel eggs for 75p! Bargain! Talking of money, it turns out I may be getting a fair bit soon! I'll keep you updated on that one!
A few days back, when I didn't have a blog to let loose my frustrations, I texted a few people to have a chat. For once, it didn't help that much. I didn't feel liberated as I do usually when I have chats with this people and it concerned me. Had I run out of people to talk to? Was I going to feel like this for ages? Not so... was just a blip in life's tapestry, (as Del Boy used to say).
So, what does tomorrow bring? Work for possibly the whole day or possibly a couple of hours but like I've probably said a lot of times, work is work. Other than that, I haven't a clue. Football in the evening. Yay!
I'll leave you now. I'm blabbering even worse than I usually do and thats saying something! Feel free to ask questions.
Much Love x
My laptop has seemingly fixed itself so the charger is fine if I leave it in forever.. The trip to Huntingdon today was fairly pointless as it turned out I only signed up to yet another agency but it gave me an opportunity to get out the house and do something productive, and also buy 3 caramel eggs for 75p! Bargain! Talking of money, it turns out I may be getting a fair bit soon! I'll keep you updated on that one!
A few days back, when I didn't have a blog to let loose my frustrations, I texted a few people to have a chat. For once, it didn't help that much. I didn't feel liberated as I do usually when I have chats with this people and it concerned me. Had I run out of people to talk to? Was I going to feel like this for ages? Not so... was just a blip in life's tapestry, (as Del Boy used to say).
So, what does tomorrow bring? Work for possibly the whole day or possibly a couple of hours but like I've probably said a lot of times, work is work. Other than that, I haven't a clue. Football in the evening. Yay!
I'll leave you now. I'm blabbering even worse than I usually do and thats saying something! Feel free to ask questions.
Much Love x
Friday 15 January 2010
Picking Up
Are things picking up? I feel they are for a couple of days then something happens and I'm back at the bottom. I heard something on the radio the other day about 75% more people aged 16-24 have rang some helpline about depression and bipolar in the last 6 months. I haven't rang a helpline, but do fall under this category. There are more people out there like me and how are they dealing with it?
Once again, I do not have long as this battery is about as reliable as Mr.Unreliable (whoever he is), but I might aswell have a waffle about nothing because I may not get the opportunity to for a fair while!
I've got a job interview on Monday in Huntingdon. Other than giving me another chance to use the SatNav I got for crimbo, it gives me an opportunity to get out of this nothingness I call this life at the moment. Something needs to happen soon or I'm going to shrink into my shell and become nothing - or a snail...
Anyway, I've just realised I've got very little charge left so I'm going to have to scarper before I run out.. Have a good weekend people x
Once again, I do not have long as this battery is about as reliable as Mr.Unreliable (whoever he is), but I might aswell have a waffle about nothing because I may not get the opportunity to for a fair while!
I've got a job interview on Monday in Huntingdon. Other than giving me another chance to use the SatNav I got for crimbo, it gives me an opportunity to get out of this nothingness I call this life at the moment. Something needs to happen soon or I'm going to shrink into my shell and become nothing - or a snail...
Anyway, I've just realised I've got very little charge left so I'm going to have to scarper before I run out.. Have a good weekend people x
Wednesday 13 January 2010
A Taste of Tears
I am writing this hurriedly for 2 reasons. 1) My laptop's battery is dying and will not charge so I have a limited amount of time left and 2) My Dad may well come in to my room and shout at me for sitting on the computer again... I am tempted to remind him sitting on the computer would damage it and I am in fact sat on the chair..
Yesterday was a tough day. My parents decided once again to try and get the problems out of me in their own unique and pestering ways but I wasn't having any of it. How dare they come in to my room and ruin what was a rare good mood by badgering me with guilt trips and the like. It was upsetting. I really really don't like it when they come and try and "talk through my problems", because I simply don't want to. They know I'd rather be left alone and they say that's fine and yet they carry on pestering! Why?
My Dad especially is getting really very agitated at the fact I'm stuck at home, despite him never being here anyway.. I'm doing all I can to find work so why does he have to be like that? Going to town every day to pester the agencies will do more bad than good, so what's the point? What's the point in anything..
Today meanwhile has been a little jaded as I feel a bit under the weather. Probably the fact that "you're not eating enough" as my parents have now decided theyre qualified dieticians as well as psychotherapists! So nothing much to talk about there...
I will leave you as I have a few more things I need to do before the laptop waves goodbye.
Cheerio x
Yesterday was a tough day. My parents decided once again to try and get the problems out of me in their own unique and pestering ways but I wasn't having any of it. How dare they come in to my room and ruin what was a rare good mood by badgering me with guilt trips and the like. It was upsetting. I really really don't like it when they come and try and "talk through my problems", because I simply don't want to. They know I'd rather be left alone and they say that's fine and yet they carry on pestering! Why?
My Dad especially is getting really very agitated at the fact I'm stuck at home, despite him never being here anyway.. I'm doing all I can to find work so why does he have to be like that? Going to town every day to pester the agencies will do more bad than good, so what's the point? What's the point in anything..
Today meanwhile has been a little jaded as I feel a bit under the weather. Probably the fact that "you're not eating enough" as my parents have now decided theyre qualified dieticians as well as psychotherapists! So nothing much to talk about there...
I will leave you as I have a few more things I need to do before the laptop waves goodbye.
Cheerio x
Tuesday 12 January 2010
Routine
'Routine' is a strange word that appears in my vocalubary from time to time. Routine suggests that your life is monotonous and boring and that you have no desire for variety or variation (are they the same word?), and that you will live out your life doing the same thing over and over until you end up in the wooden box. I'm not really certain how anyone can follow a "daily routine". Surely it would make you mad?
However, with productive routines, there are bad routines, such as the one I am in at the moment! Staying up till the break of dawn and getting up when it's dark outside during these cold and dark months really isn't good for productiveness - or finding a job. It's a force of habit I need to get out of. Besides, Cambridge tomorrow at 10.30am. That should help break it!
My need for a job increases not by the day but by the hour. My bank balance now resembles a tramp's and I fear my need to keep active will slowly die away as I run out of dosh. This may just sound greedy or whatever - but truth is truth..
'This Page Has An Unspecified Potential Security Risk - Would You Like To Continue?' keeps popping up on my screen every few seconds and it's driving me insane. My laptop is sick. Just thought you would like to know..
Anyway, as I'm sure you can tell, I am still one of the 1.1 million (or whatever the number is) 16-24 year olds who are unemployed, (a.k.a lazy arses), filling up precious space in the UK and my desire to change this fact is not getting stronger. In fact, part of me enjoys the laziness of days and nights. I know this is the wrong attitude to take, but I don't want to become like 40 million people who follow "routines" and become a monotonous sheep. I really don't.. The fact of the matter is however, that this is going to have to change soon or my dear Father may well stab me with a spoon. It hurts more than a knife.
The time is 1.08am. Maybe I should become the next talking clock. I need to be up at 10am at the latest to trek to Cambridge so I'm gonna be tired when it comes to it. No matter. I will bravely battle through the tiredness. It's not as if it'll be a bad day after all... Listen to me, droning on again - I'm surprised people even read this anymore..
Anyway, I shall leave you with a thought. I don't blame people who have a routine. If it helps them get through the working week then so be it. But surely it bores you to oblivion? I can't stand a lot more unhappiness without having a routine aswell...
Ciao x
However, with productive routines, there are bad routines, such as the one I am in at the moment! Staying up till the break of dawn and getting up when it's dark outside during these cold and dark months really isn't good for productiveness - or finding a job. It's a force of habit I need to get out of. Besides, Cambridge tomorrow at 10.30am. That should help break it!
My need for a job increases not by the day but by the hour. My bank balance now resembles a tramp's and I fear my need to keep active will slowly die away as I run out of dosh. This may just sound greedy or whatever - but truth is truth..
'This Page Has An Unspecified Potential Security Risk - Would You Like To Continue?' keeps popping up on my screen every few seconds and it's driving me insane. My laptop is sick. Just thought you would like to know..
Anyway, as I'm sure you can tell, I am still one of the 1.1 million (or whatever the number is) 16-24 year olds who are unemployed, (a.k.a lazy arses), filling up precious space in the UK and my desire to change this fact is not getting stronger. In fact, part of me enjoys the laziness of days and nights. I know this is the wrong attitude to take, but I don't want to become like 40 million people who follow "routines" and become a monotonous sheep. I really don't.. The fact of the matter is however, that this is going to have to change soon or my dear Father may well stab me with a spoon. It hurts more than a knife.
The time is 1.08am. Maybe I should become the next talking clock. I need to be up at 10am at the latest to trek to Cambridge so I'm gonna be tired when it comes to it. No matter. I will bravely battle through the tiredness. It's not as if it'll be a bad day after all... Listen to me, droning on again - I'm surprised people even read this anymore..
Anyway, I shall leave you with a thought. I don't blame people who have a routine. If it helps them get through the working week then so be it. But surely it bores you to oblivion? I can't stand a lot more unhappiness without having a routine aswell...
Ciao x
Sunday 10 January 2010
I Won't Wave The White Flag
I've felt very down the last couple of days. I know the exact reason for it, (although I don't really..) and I know that things will pick up soon as they always do before going back down and back up again. That's my life. The Life of the Manic Depressive.
Some people may think I'm overreacting or trying to get attention from being "manically depressed" but the thing is, when I'm at my lowest, I feel I have the ability to do anything I wanted without giving a damn. Why should it matter when there is nothing to live for? I had a deep discussion with a friend of mine who is also having a tough time of it. He knows what I was talking about. I'd like to thank him also for keeping my head above water, as I was the closest I have been for a long time to going under.. Cheers Stick.
The vital fact of the matter is however, is that I am still here. I have refused to wave the white flag and surrender and have had just enough mental power to not do something that will hurt a lot of people.. Oh boy, I have seriously thought about it and then thought I don't have the bottle to do it. If you haven't a clue what I'm talking about, please do ask, but don't say what you think when you hear the answer - because it's impossible for me not to think like that..
I will leave my deep subconsciousness for a brief while however by talking about the good points of this week. Its Sunday, (something I only realised a few hours ago) and thought about the week I have had. It hasn't been bad to tell the truth. Yesterday was an all round good day, despite town being useless at night and the day I nearly got the job was half a success aswell.. so not all bad bad bad.. However, I can't help think about the bad times with the good you know.. I have to balance it up. Why do I have to do that? No idea...
A new week tomorrow then and I'm sure a week that holds much the same in store.. Pointless living followed by a curry or 2 and more bitterly cold weather. Ive just thought, I would love to go on a roadtrip somewhere next week.. Just on my own.. clear my head a bit while listening to Greg James on Radio 1. That would be good. I'll see what happens but I'm sure it won't become a reality.
I won't use the same line as I have done recently to finish a blog entry.. you all know the answer.
Ciao x
Some people may think I'm overreacting or trying to get attention from being "manically depressed" but the thing is, when I'm at my lowest, I feel I have the ability to do anything I wanted without giving a damn. Why should it matter when there is nothing to live for? I had a deep discussion with a friend of mine who is also having a tough time of it. He knows what I was talking about. I'd like to thank him also for keeping my head above water, as I was the closest I have been for a long time to going under.. Cheers Stick.
The vital fact of the matter is however, is that I am still here. I have refused to wave the white flag and surrender and have had just enough mental power to not do something that will hurt a lot of people.. Oh boy, I have seriously thought about it and then thought I don't have the bottle to do it. If you haven't a clue what I'm talking about, please do ask, but don't say what you think when you hear the answer - because it's impossible for me not to think like that..
I will leave my deep subconsciousness for a brief while however by talking about the good points of this week. Its Sunday, (something I only realised a few hours ago) and thought about the week I have had. It hasn't been bad to tell the truth. Yesterday was an all round good day, despite town being useless at night and the day I nearly got the job was half a success aswell.. so not all bad bad bad.. However, I can't help think about the bad times with the good you know.. I have to balance it up. Why do I have to do that? No idea...
A new week tomorrow then and I'm sure a week that holds much the same in store.. Pointless living followed by a curry or 2 and more bitterly cold weather. Ive just thought, I would love to go on a roadtrip somewhere next week.. Just on my own.. clear my head a bit while listening to Greg James on Radio 1. That would be good. I'll see what happens but I'm sure it won't become a reality.
I won't use the same line as I have done recently to finish a blog entry.. you all know the answer.
Ciao x
Friday 8 January 2010
So Near Yet So Far
Today was a strange on by anyone's standards. I technically didn't wake up because I didn't go to sleep to wake up from.. so I went downstairs at 7am in -120,000 degrees (Warning: Numbers may be exaggerated) ... I've used that joke already haven't I..? .. Anyway, I was downstairs watching TV at 7am and I was thinking that today was going to hold many wonders and be an extremely constructive one.
And it was... I walked to town at 9am listening to Dido on my sister's iPod, (don't ask) and it was great apart from the occasional karate move trying to stay up after slipping on vast sheets of ice that had formed overnight. My plan for the day was to "do the agencies". Now, my experiences with these places haven't been enviable, so my hopes weren't that high, although something at the back of my mind told me something good was going to happen..? I walk into the first agency and 45 minutes later, I walk away with an interview for 1pm. What was happening?! Could it be that the first day I can actually be arsed to get out of bed in the morning hours, I land a job? I was excited and felt no pressure!
The interview itself went quite well and I felt I put myself across well despite my casual appearance! (I apologised profusely beforehand and she understood the circumstances!). I didn't land the job in the end but to go from nothing to 1 step away in 4 hours is certainly an achievement in my book. I was pleased with the days work. So I went and treated myself to a new cricket bat. Why not!
Despite me being back at square 1, I felt like I gave myself the opportunity to get something out of today and OK, it didn't work out - but whats to say it won't next time? I must learn to be more committed to the job hunt if I want to be successful! I won't be staying up all night again though because I can feel the tiredness as I type this, and its only midnight! Its early!
I would also like to talk about something else, of a new topic. Girls. The opposite sex has always stumped me as to how they behave and what makes them so touchy sometimes. There is a girl at the moment, she won't speak to me whatsoever and won't reply to any messages or even get into contact with me at all... I don't get it. It's concerning. It's not nice. It's not as if we weren't getting on before and then suddenly she's gone AWOL? I don't understand at all! Oh well... I do have a few more pressing problems at the moment, but I feel that this won't be the last I think about it.
For now though children, I must go. Tiredness has overcome me.
Mentally, Am I Here?
Bye x
And it was... I walked to town at 9am listening to Dido on my sister's iPod, (don't ask) and it was great apart from the occasional karate move trying to stay up after slipping on vast sheets of ice that had formed overnight. My plan for the day was to "do the agencies". Now, my experiences with these places haven't been enviable, so my hopes weren't that high, although something at the back of my mind told me something good was going to happen..? I walk into the first agency and 45 minutes later, I walk away with an interview for 1pm. What was happening?! Could it be that the first day I can actually be arsed to get out of bed in the morning hours, I land a job? I was excited and felt no pressure!
The interview itself went quite well and I felt I put myself across well despite my casual appearance! (I apologised profusely beforehand and she understood the circumstances!). I didn't land the job in the end but to go from nothing to 1 step away in 4 hours is certainly an achievement in my book. I was pleased with the days work. So I went and treated myself to a new cricket bat. Why not!
Despite me being back at square 1, I felt like I gave myself the opportunity to get something out of today and OK, it didn't work out - but whats to say it won't next time? I must learn to be more committed to the job hunt if I want to be successful! I won't be staying up all night again though because I can feel the tiredness as I type this, and its only midnight! Its early!
I would also like to talk about something else, of a new topic. Girls. The opposite sex has always stumped me as to how they behave and what makes them so touchy sometimes. There is a girl at the moment, she won't speak to me whatsoever and won't reply to any messages or even get into contact with me at all... I don't get it. It's concerning. It's not nice. It's not as if we weren't getting on before and then suddenly she's gone AWOL? I don't understand at all! Oh well... I do have a few more pressing problems at the moment, but I feel that this won't be the last I think about it.
For now though children, I must go. Tiredness has overcome me.
Mentally, Am I Here?
Bye x
As Time Goes By
As time goes by I will always be the same old average person whatever I do. Again, I am writing this blog in the early hours of the morning after a rather scintillating discussion with CW! I do love those chats! They don't happen very often but when they do I feel I can open up and let loose what I'm feeling. And it turns out I gave him some useful advice aswell - which is a first for me!
I have applied for tens more jobs since I last spoke to you and I have a bad feeling not one of them will work out. Each job has about 120,000 applicants so the odds of getting it are ... well ... 120,000/1... (Warning: Numbers may be slightly exaggerated). I get the feeling I'm going to be sitting up at the early hours of the morning doing nothing exceptional for a long time in to the future yet. Its a vicious cycle that I can't get out of. When you wake up very late, you go to sleep very late which means you get up very late and so on.. Bad times..
However, the main topic of the conversation today children is secrets. Secrets are overrated. Many friendships seem to rely on whether each other can keep the others secret. It's just a game that I don't like playing. It's no secret to the world now that I am Bi and that is a good thing. Most people seem to know now (except for the fam obviously... I'm working on it..) and no one seems that bothered! Great! Anyway, I'm getting off track. I don't like being in friendships that rely solely on keeping secrets. Surely everyone finds it hard to keep them? I very very rarely tell people my friends secrets and on the one occasion I did I faced tough consequences. Although it was technically quite funny... Oh well.. That friend was a "friend" that I ultimately didn't want so it's no loss! I don't regret telling that secret because I felt like that person needed to know, and who am I to create unhappiness in the world! I'll keep it all for myself! I have told other people other secrets but I trust them to "forget about them" and it won't come out so what's the harm in that right? I don't feel guilty. I don't feel guilt at all nowadays! Positive?
(Sorry, this paragraph has been a bit big - I must now leave a gap).
I left an extra large gap to make up for a horiffically long paragraph.. I hope you forgive me. I have "borrowed" my sister's iPod to keep me entertained during these dark, lonesome hours where I can't sleep. Currently listening to ... James Blunt? Ah well... not that bad actually! *changes song*... I feel, again, that I am blubbering on about nothing. I do have a habit of doing such a thing but I feel it takes up the page. I'm sure whoever is reading this would like to know what song I'm listening to anyway!
Moving on... A few nights ago, whilst lying in the darkness as awake a hedgehog would be at night, I thought I could make a bit of money by publishing this blog when I have about 200 entries? Its just an idea... another one of my scheming projects hey CW! (<<< Your clue is there <<<) ;)
Thats just a private conversation.. no one else is allowed access without knowledge of Mitten or Monkey! Ha! Last night also, (or it may have been the night before - I can't keep track nowadays..) I found a website where you can win a £1400 laptop for £30 if u were lucky enough or stupid enough to buy credits. WWW.MADBID.COM! You'd be mad to try it...
One last thing before I leave you to get on with your lives. I've been thinking recently, and also in light of tonight's discussion with CW, about whether I help people enough. I have helped NH out recently by shipping her to Letchworth for her reasons and tonight I helped CW out and earlier I bought Kettle a pizza out of the goodness of my heart. But am I doing enough to help the friends who have been there for me so very well over the last couple of years? Maybe I am... or maybe I'm just too pessimistic to think otherwise..
Mentally, I'm nowhere.
Bye x
I have applied for tens more jobs since I last spoke to you and I have a bad feeling not one of them will work out. Each job has about 120,000 applicants so the odds of getting it are ... well ... 120,000/1... (Warning: Numbers may be slightly exaggerated). I get the feeling I'm going to be sitting up at the early hours of the morning doing nothing exceptional for a long time in to the future yet. Its a vicious cycle that I can't get out of. When you wake up very late, you go to sleep very late which means you get up very late and so on.. Bad times..
However, the main topic of the conversation today children is secrets. Secrets are overrated. Many friendships seem to rely on whether each other can keep the others secret. It's just a game that I don't like playing. It's no secret to the world now that I am Bi and that is a good thing. Most people seem to know now (except for the fam obviously... I'm working on it..) and no one seems that bothered! Great! Anyway, I'm getting off track. I don't like being in friendships that rely solely on keeping secrets. Surely everyone finds it hard to keep them? I very very rarely tell people my friends secrets and on the one occasion I did I faced tough consequences. Although it was technically quite funny... Oh well.. That friend was a "friend" that I ultimately didn't want so it's no loss! I don't regret telling that secret because I felt like that person needed to know, and who am I to create unhappiness in the world! I'll keep it all for myself! I have told other people other secrets but I trust them to "forget about them" and it won't come out so what's the harm in that right? I don't feel guilty. I don't feel guilt at all nowadays! Positive?
(Sorry, this paragraph has been a bit big - I must now leave a gap).
I left an extra large gap to make up for a horiffically long paragraph.. I hope you forgive me. I have "borrowed" my sister's iPod to keep me entertained during these dark, lonesome hours where I can't sleep. Currently listening to ... James Blunt? Ah well... not that bad actually! *changes song*... I feel, again, that I am blubbering on about nothing. I do have a habit of doing such a thing but I feel it takes up the page. I'm sure whoever is reading this would like to know what song I'm listening to anyway!
Moving on... A few nights ago, whilst lying in the darkness as awake a hedgehog would be at night, I thought I could make a bit of money by publishing this blog when I have about 200 entries? Its just an idea... another one of my scheming projects hey CW! (<<< Your clue is there <<<) ;)
Thats just a private conversation.. no one else is allowed access without knowledge of Mitten or Monkey! Ha! Last night also, (or it may have been the night before - I can't keep track nowadays..) I found a website where you can win a £1400 laptop for £30 if u were lucky enough or stupid enough to buy credits. WWW.MADBID.COM! You'd be mad to try it...
One last thing before I leave you to get on with your lives. I've been thinking recently, and also in light of tonight's discussion with CW, about whether I help people enough. I have helped NH out recently by shipping her to Letchworth for her reasons and tonight I helped CW out and earlier I bought Kettle a pizza out of the goodness of my heart. But am I doing enough to help the friends who have been there for me so very well over the last couple of years? Maybe I am... or maybe I'm just too pessimistic to think otherwise..
Mentally, I'm nowhere.
Bye x
Thursday 7 January 2010
Deal or No Deal?
The problem with job hunting is that I am really not sure whether to get any old job and be fed up with it and risk me losing my mind, (which won't take as long), or wait for a job that seems right and is good for me, (but will take donkeys years to come along).
The thing is, as mentioned yesterday, the advantages of only being 18 is that I don't NEED the money to live. I would just like some so as not to be bored witless and not to live without a car. These are musts for me. I can't spend my whole life couped up in my bedroom doing fook all! They say that jobs are easier to come by after Christmas but try telling that to someone who has no experience and not a lot to say for himself. Tough times.
Of course, there is always the road of working stacking shelves or cleaning, but I really don't want to do that. No offence to anyone who works doing that but surely its the most boring thing in the world ever? Why would you spend most of your day stacking up pasta, toilet rolls and cleaning detergent or cleaning up Mars Bar wrappers and tissues full of blood on the streets for a living? Just does not seem logical. Of course, at the moment, these people have more money and more of a life than me so I shouldn't really be criticising them...
Thats all I have to say really. Please feel free to ask some questions. Whether you're "officially" or "unofficially" following the blog... I do like a good old question or 3!
Laters x
The thing is, as mentioned yesterday, the advantages of only being 18 is that I don't NEED the money to live. I would just like some so as not to be bored witless and not to live without a car. These are musts for me. I can't spend my whole life couped up in my bedroom doing fook all! They say that jobs are easier to come by after Christmas but try telling that to someone who has no experience and not a lot to say for himself. Tough times.
Of course, there is always the road of working stacking shelves or cleaning, but I really don't want to do that. No offence to anyone who works doing that but surely its the most boring thing in the world ever? Why would you spend most of your day stacking up pasta, toilet rolls and cleaning detergent or cleaning up Mars Bar wrappers and tissues full of blood on the streets for a living? Just does not seem logical. Of course, at the moment, these people have more money and more of a life than me so I shouldn't really be criticising them...
Thats all I have to say really. Please feel free to ask some questions. Whether you're "officially" or "unofficially" following the blog... I do like a good old question or 3!
Laters x
Wednesday 6 January 2010
The Importance of Not Being Idle
The importance of having friends who understand and trust you can never be underestimated. If this trust and understanding is developed then nothing gets in your way and you can feel you can tell them anything. This is a good friendship, and I have a couple like that.
The importance of not being on your own and to not wallow in your own self pity is vital to success and happiness. I can't imagine being on my own for a long length of time. I feel in the past I have been oh so alone, but for years? I wouldn't be able to do it. I very nearly didn't do it when I felt it for a few days.. It's saddening.
I've been thinking today. What is the real reason I am feeling so down? Is it because I am alone? No. I have 510 facebook friends who say otherwise! (sad.. i know..). Is it because I have not been given an opportunity in life? No. I've had a good education and good teachers - it was just my incompetence that let me down. You live and learn by your mistakes and all is not lost. Is it because I am not trusted? Partly.. My parents admitted the other day that they can't believe whatever I say and that is the bottom line of distrust. It's painful. But what can you do other than get on with it? Is it because I don't know where I'm going in life? Yes. My main concern is that I have no idea what I want to do for a living, how I want to settle down and what I want to do with the 70 odd years I have left of my life. I can't keep moving from dead end job to dead end job because that would kill me.. What am I going to do?
The optimist in life would say "Go out and find your luck!" We all know now children, that I am not this. Me being an optimist is like Jack Dee being funny. It just ... isn't. I can't change that. Boy, I've tried thinking optimistically and trying to think "happy thoughts", but it plays on my mind that deep down I am just covering up the true me. The pessimist inside me.. Now I feel I cannot change this and even if I can it'll cost me money..
That's another thing aswell. Money. A couple of years back I said to someone "money isn't important, they are just bits of paper". How wrong I was. You can't do anything in life without money and you can do everything in life with it. Being young has its advantages. I don't have to pay for bills or food or electricity but if I do find a job, I'll feel like I'm on awful pay despite not needing that money... If you don't understand that it doesn't matter. I do.
One thing has always been playing on my mind though. Something that money can't buy, (no its not a MasterCard). Family. I do love them I really really do but I can't show it. To be fair, me telling you this is not gonna be useful in any way shape or form. But I do wish I was 12 again..
Obviously my life isn't one huge sorry arse piece of crap. I do have things I enjoy, mainly sport based, and I do have fun and have a laugh occasionally which is great. I keep physically fit, (although my performance at 5-a-side today would suggest otherwise.. blame it on the turkey!) and I'm in general good physical health. No complaints on that side of me.
Mentally? I'm nowhere.
Ciao x
The importance of not being on your own and to not wallow in your own self pity is vital to success and happiness. I can't imagine being on my own for a long length of time. I feel in the past I have been oh so alone, but for years? I wouldn't be able to do it. I very nearly didn't do it when I felt it for a few days.. It's saddening.
I've been thinking today. What is the real reason I am feeling so down? Is it because I am alone? No. I have 510 facebook friends who say otherwise! (sad.. i know..). Is it because I have not been given an opportunity in life? No. I've had a good education and good teachers - it was just my incompetence that let me down. You live and learn by your mistakes and all is not lost. Is it because I am not trusted? Partly.. My parents admitted the other day that they can't believe whatever I say and that is the bottom line of distrust. It's painful. But what can you do other than get on with it? Is it because I don't know where I'm going in life? Yes. My main concern is that I have no idea what I want to do for a living, how I want to settle down and what I want to do with the 70 odd years I have left of my life. I can't keep moving from dead end job to dead end job because that would kill me.. What am I going to do?
The optimist in life would say "Go out and find your luck!" We all know now children, that I am not this. Me being an optimist is like Jack Dee being funny. It just ... isn't. I can't change that. Boy, I've tried thinking optimistically and trying to think "happy thoughts", but it plays on my mind that deep down I am just covering up the true me. The pessimist inside me.. Now I feel I cannot change this and even if I can it'll cost me money..
That's another thing aswell. Money. A couple of years back I said to someone "money isn't important, they are just bits of paper". How wrong I was. You can't do anything in life without money and you can do everything in life with it. Being young has its advantages. I don't have to pay for bills or food or electricity but if I do find a job, I'll feel like I'm on awful pay despite not needing that money... If you don't understand that it doesn't matter. I do.
One thing has always been playing on my mind though. Something that money can't buy, (no its not a MasterCard). Family. I do love them I really really do but I can't show it. To be fair, me telling you this is not gonna be useful in any way shape or form. But I do wish I was 12 again..
Obviously my life isn't one huge sorry arse piece of crap. I do have things I enjoy, mainly sport based, and I do have fun and have a laugh occasionally which is great. I keep physically fit, (although my performance at 5-a-side today would suggest otherwise.. blame it on the turkey!) and I'm in general good physical health. No complaints on that side of me.
Mentally? I'm nowhere.
Ciao x
Sunday 3 January 2010
Fly By
This day has flown by. I only got 4 hours sleep. Zzzzzz.... Yeah I don't know what to put and so what? I'm allowed to have blank days when I want to.
Bye x
Bye x
Saturday 2 January 2010
Its A New Year
Woop de fookin' woop! A new year and a new start but I now realise that God won't be so forgiving simply because the year has changed. Ok, its the start of a new decade, and I will be 28 the next time that happens - but I really do feel now that things won't just change overnight.
Last night was half a success. Other than the utterly ridiculous photos and a few rather offensive texts, it was quite good and rather a lot of alcohol was consumed. I would also like to add that the time as I am typing this is 3:39am and I am typing in the dark.. I cannot sleep.
This was much like last night in fact where I rolled in the door, (not literally cos Im not a fat git), at 5:30am and didn't get to sleep for a long time as I was feeling sick and shaking uncontrollably. Whether this was the effect of the cold, Red Bull or my shocking life is yet to be known, but anyone who thinks its the latter really does need his head screwed on. If you can't sleep at 6am cos ur life is rubbish you might aswell go and jump off the nearest multi-storey right here right now.. Hang on... that was me a few weeks back.. Ah.. I take that back!
At this very moment in time, (bear in mind the whole of the UK should really be asleep) I am lying here as awake as ever listening to Pixie Lott.. thats LISTENING not WATCHING.. she is hot though.. What am I doing blabbering on about nothing..?
I enjoy being random sometimes. E.g. Dick Cheney and Popeye share an ice cream factory from Pizza Hut in Basingstoke at midnight while the ducks fight over a bonbon on the street 5 miles away. What the hell? Ahhhh!
Back to reality, (I like that song), there really isn't a lot happening in my life at the moment. I would like to get a job soon as I don't have enough money to run the Mittenmobile which is a real shame. Obviously, when I get a job I would give anything to be unemployed again - but I am never happy. Clearly. I want to carry on typing but I am running out of things to say.
As this is the case, I shall briefly discuss last night. As said before, a lot of drink was consumed - mainly alcohol related - and a lot of drunken pictures were taken, (see fb for details) and a few embarrassing tales were told the day after.. The one thing that really surprised me though was how I apparently sent a few hazardous texts to people who found it offensive. 1) i cannot remember doing this and 2) i am not usually personally offensive to people i know. This is not good and once again I apologise to all the people that fell under this category, although you are about as likely to read this as I am likely to feature in the next Ashes Series. Boy.. Im running out of things to say...
The last week of the decade held a few surprises, mostly about people's love lives, but this isn't the main issue here. The main issue is that life holds surprises that you don't expect to be there.
I promise to finish waffling by the end of this song times 2, (8 minutes 12 seconds).
I would like to say one more meaningful thing however before I leave you to do whatever you are doing and maybe I will go to sleep as Ive got to be up in 5 hours.. When you are 12, the main concern is whether your English teacher will find out you haven't put in 100% effort on the old homework. 6 years on, my main concern is am I actually going to see the turn of the next decade before I become another statistic and fall another victim of depression. This outcome has occurred to me, and like I have said, life throws a lot of surprises in my general direction.. Don't worry however, I feel fine.
I feel like I could go on forever. What else do I want to say that will bug me if I forget to write it down? Erm... can't think of anything so instead of writing a random thing like I have above. I will leave a message. See below.
One more tiny thing, even though you are not officially following this blog, I know you read it occasionally. When you read this, I would like to let you know that you have been a fantastic friend to me over the last couple of years. You've helped me through the hard times by lending a ear and I really do appreciate it. You are a popular person and rightly so, thank you so very much. Initials of this person: CW a.k.a Monkey. He knows who he is. Thankyou.
Last night was half a success. Other than the utterly ridiculous photos and a few rather offensive texts, it was quite good and rather a lot of alcohol was consumed. I would also like to add that the time as I am typing this is 3:39am and I am typing in the dark.. I cannot sleep.
This was much like last night in fact where I rolled in the door, (not literally cos Im not a fat git), at 5:30am and didn't get to sleep for a long time as I was feeling sick and shaking uncontrollably. Whether this was the effect of the cold, Red Bull or my shocking life is yet to be known, but anyone who thinks its the latter really does need his head screwed on. If you can't sleep at 6am cos ur life is rubbish you might aswell go and jump off the nearest multi-storey right here right now.. Hang on... that was me a few weeks back.. Ah.. I take that back!
At this very moment in time, (bear in mind the whole of the UK should really be asleep) I am lying here as awake as ever listening to Pixie Lott.. thats LISTENING not WATCHING.. she is hot though.. What am I doing blabbering on about nothing..?
I enjoy being random sometimes. E.g. Dick Cheney and Popeye share an ice cream factory from Pizza Hut in Basingstoke at midnight while the ducks fight over a bonbon on the street 5 miles away. What the hell? Ahhhh!
Back to reality, (I like that song), there really isn't a lot happening in my life at the moment. I would like to get a job soon as I don't have enough money to run the Mittenmobile which is a real shame. Obviously, when I get a job I would give anything to be unemployed again - but I am never happy. Clearly. I want to carry on typing but I am running out of things to say.
As this is the case, I shall briefly discuss last night. As said before, a lot of drink was consumed - mainly alcohol related - and a lot of drunken pictures were taken, (see fb for details) and a few embarrassing tales were told the day after.. The one thing that really surprised me though was how I apparently sent a few hazardous texts to people who found it offensive. 1) i cannot remember doing this and 2) i am not usually personally offensive to people i know. This is not good and once again I apologise to all the people that fell under this category, although you are about as likely to read this as I am likely to feature in the next Ashes Series. Boy.. Im running out of things to say...
The last week of the decade held a few surprises, mostly about people's love lives, but this isn't the main issue here. The main issue is that life holds surprises that you don't expect to be there.
I promise to finish waffling by the end of this song times 2, (8 minutes 12 seconds).
I would like to say one more meaningful thing however before I leave you to do whatever you are doing and maybe I will go to sleep as Ive got to be up in 5 hours.. When you are 12, the main concern is whether your English teacher will find out you haven't put in 100% effort on the old homework. 6 years on, my main concern is am I actually going to see the turn of the next decade before I become another statistic and fall another victim of depression. This outcome has occurred to me, and like I have said, life throws a lot of surprises in my general direction.. Don't worry however, I feel fine.
I feel like I could go on forever. What else do I want to say that will bug me if I forget to write it down? Erm... can't think of anything so instead of writing a random thing like I have above. I will leave a message. See below.
One more tiny thing, even though you are not officially following this blog, I know you read it occasionally. When you read this, I would like to let you know that you have been a fantastic friend to me over the last couple of years. You've helped me through the hard times by lending a ear and I really do appreciate it. You are a popular person and rightly so, thank you so very much. Initials of this person: CW a.k.a Monkey. He knows who he is. Thankyou.
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