Yesterday evening, I took part in one of the most bizarre and frankly nonsensical conversations ever. So much so, that a lot of my friends joined in and joined forces against one of life's more horrific creations. It was on Twitter, (as if that needed saying), and the other half of the conversation was filled by a religious half-wit who must still be living in B.C. mode.
Now, religion is one of those topics I do not delve into very often. It is a subject that can be extremely sensitive to some, and divides opinion across the land. I am an atheist. Frankly, I do not understand how anyone can be a Christian and simply believe that all of the Bible's words are true. I do however, respect people's beliefs, and I do understand that the majority of Christian's lead a good life because of the Bible's words. This is ultimately a good thing. I do not know anything about any other religions to comment. However, I will not enter that argument for time's sake. I plan on going Christmas shopping in nearly 8 months, I'm not sure I'll have enough time for my complete argument to take shape.
But. And this is a big but. When I see a comment from someone on this social media platform about "homosexuality being a sin", I simply cannot sit back and ignore it. I had to comment. I had to confront him, virtually of course, over whether or not he is being legitimately serious. It turns out he was. Being technologically challenged, I have no idea how to screen shot the conversation and put it on here, so I will simply copy and paste them into text form. See what you make of this:
...
Me: Homosexuality is a sin? Who the hell do you think you are, claiming homosexuality is a sin?
@MPloughboy: Just telling you what God tells us, as you know.
(Already he has presumed that because he is a believer - everyone else is)
Me: Care to tell us what the Bible also preaches about rape, slavery and woman's rights? Presumably you believe in those aswell...
@MPloughboy: Yawn, another stupid Atheist trying to claim he knows what the Bible says. Doubtless you get those claims from an iffy website.
Me: Ok, lets actually believe that your God (out of thousands of supposed Gods of course), does exist. Why, if homosexuality is a sin, did he create homosexuals? If he thinks it's wrong, then why did he let us happen?
@MPloughboy: Homosexuals are merely those who indulge in a specific sexual sin, nothing more. You know God exists.
(The first insult of many...)
Me: Homosexuals are also humans. Humans that this "God" of yours created. Simple contradiction. Your argument is unbelievably flawed.
@MPloughboy: Humans who have chosen to disobey God and sin. Much like the rest of humanity.
(Unlike "devout Christians", to put it mildly, I make my decisions based on the morals of modern society. Not an outdated book from thousands of years ago that contradicts itself at every turn.)
Me: The Bible is a load of rubbish - anyone who believes it verbatim has no morals. It's a book that belongs in the depths of history. You have... Faith. = Strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof. "Proof" being the key word there. People like you poison the world with views that cause war/conflict. You are wrong. Very wrong.
(This is fact. There is a simple definition in there plus the FACT that more wars in history have been started over religion than any other factor.)
@MPloughboy: "war/conflict" is caused by sin, yours amongst others. (Insult again...) Not knowing what faith is you rely on a dictionary. Sadly it was probably compiled by those who were as ignorant as you. Actually faith is what we have in the God that all mankind knows exists. We trust the One we know is worthy of trust.
Me: You have no idea how much I just laughed at that mindless waffle... So you're saying that our language was compiled by people blighted with ignorance? You have LITERALLY denied the dictionary definition of faith?! Do you want to continue embarrassing yourself?
@MPloughboy: So you don't like the Bible because it tells you not to worship yourself, there's a surprise. Trouble is, you know God is real.
(He's starting to repeat himself as he runs out of any logical argument he had in the first place... If that was any at all...)
Me: No, in fact, I don't like the Bible, because it promotes hatred across the spectrum. It is quite unbelievable that people like you still hold these views in 2013. I am simply staggered by your religious psychobabble. If I had the indignation or the patience, I would spend hours correcting your brainwashed mind. Bearing in mind I don't, I consider this conversation done.
@MPloughboy [to one of my friends who has joined the conversation]: Homosexuality is merely a sin, much like stealing, lying, or murder.
(I am staggered. Naturally.)
Me: You're literally comparing being gay to murder? You're actually saying that? Wow, you low life piece of scum!
@MPloughboy: Both are sins, and did you not notice that I included stealing and lying.
(As if they can be mentioned in the same bracket!)
Any of those will bring God's wrath on you. Because, unlike you, I have read the Bible. The one with misfortune is you, or rather, you are the one with God's judgment hanging over your head.
Me: Hahahaha WHAT?! How do you know the Bible wasn't written by Joe Bloggs? or JK Rowling? Why don't you PROVE it's existence? You can't. Because its impossible. If my magical creators of the dictionary, (which is at least true), didn't know what "faith" meant, chances are they didn't know what other words meant? Like "bread" or "movement". Your argument is simply being dismantled by logic, reason and even comedy, instead of fantasy and delusion.
@MPloughboy: You really aren't following the argument are you. Still that is to be expected in those dead in their sins.
Me: I refuse to follow the argument of a person who likens homosexuality to murder in all honesty. Maybe you should think about what you're saying before you speak.
@MPloughboy: You know God exists but you are in rebellion against Him, hence the hatred of what He has written in the Bible.
Me: Give it a rest and listen to the decent people on this planet who are trying to help you. Come over to the dark side, its nicer.
@MPloughboy: You are simply one of many who have chosen to disobey God and sin. Much like the rest of humanity. On the contrary, none are even decent.
(He actually claims that there are NO DECENT HUMANS on the planet except him. Rather big-headed of him don't you think??)
Me: This conversation is officially laughable. Bear with me, while I anally penetrate a gentleman.
(I'm simply toying with him. I've worked out it is impossible to reason with a brainwashed mind.)
...
Now. It may sound like I was incredibly aggressive during that exchange, but it is kind of difficult when a part of my life is being compared to murder. It is kind of difficult to keep your compsure, when I am being compared directly to someone else who mindlessly takes the life of another. It may sound as if I am calling all people of a religious nature complete and utter idiots. But this is false.
I am an atheist, true, but I respect that people do believe. And as I said, I KNOW that at least everyone I have the fortune to know use their belief in the best possible terms, and use religion as a force for good in their own lives. However, it is people like this, who must believe they are Moses, to take the words of the Bible verbatim, and use them in context with modern society. Surely there is nothing more infuriating? And when this person is being directly insulting, I cannot help but put up a fight against it. Thankfully, I do not know anyone like this. What also annoyed me was his continued repetition. There was no argument, just religious waffling with no actual words to back up his claims. People who argue their point with no obvious evidence anger me beyond recognition.
Despite the insulting nature of his comments, I actually found the exchange literally laughable. I was astounded that people still think that in 2013, and it made my evening!
But, please, if you're going to approach me in person and express similar views, expect to be punched in the face, because I will not stand for it. Thankfully, I have amazing friends and know amazing people who don't hold such views!
Thank.... God?
Thursday 28 March 2013
Sunday 24 March 2013
Stand Up, Standing Up and Stood Up
It's nearly the end of March, with under a month to go until the new cricket season begins. Another Summer of building innings, application and frustration over technique whilst watching the skies in case of ever-present rain showers. The Winter of waiting is nearly over for another year, and I simply cannot wait. With players in abundance, no more battling with the management and a whole host of enthusiasm, this year is going to be ace. I can feel it. (If the snow disappears...)
But more recently, there have been a few things to tell you of. We'll begin in Cambridge a few weeks ago where I found myself in a pub watching an open mic stand-up evening. It was slightly strange, having only been to "professional" shows so to speak, and the standard was obviously lower than those of Jimmy Carr and Dara O'Briain. None the less, it was an enjoyable evening but it could really have got a whole lot worse. Over the years, I have written up anecdotes, (in my head - they're not written down anywhere!), that I once thought would be pretty good as stand-up material, and as the name suggests, "open mic" means you can just get up, do your bit, and sit back down again. A few JD and cokes deep, one small part of me was tempted to get up and do something, but judging by the acts that had gone before me, I'm not sure I would have gone down so well. So instead, I sat very firmly in my seat and laughed at others! I'm fairly sure Jim Davidson would have been considered light-hearted in this establishment, so my stories of PGL as a 12-year old and falling in a pond might not have cut the mustard. None the less, it was an enjoyable evening and certainly different to the weekend evenings that I have had lately, which have all involved large quantities of whisky and loud music. That's 1 - Stand Up.
Part 2 is 'Standing Up'. I use this very much in the "stand up for yourself" vain, as much of the last week has been used writing up a press release for Bedford Cricket Club joining the Sports Charter. I believe it's been in the local paper, but I'm not sure as I haven't checked. The Sports Charter is an initiative that gets sports clubs, associations and leagues signed up to tackle homophobia and transphobia in sport. Naturally, it's an issue close to my heart, and I'm pleased to say that Bedford CC is the first sports club in the county to sign up to it. Yesterday evening, I was invited along to an independent film showing at The Pad nightclub to be presented with the framed charter. It was a very small event, with not many people turning out, but we blamed the snow! The film itself, 'Kick-Off', was a film that was supposed to show the homophobia in football but it wasn't really very good at all. I think it was a comedy, and the message was there I suppose, but the way it went about telling the story was a bit ... stereotypical. The best part of it was thinking I knew one of the cast members, but then realising I didn't after all. All 99 minutes of it, I was sat in the most uncomfortable chair, trying not to fidget and point out the most obvious flaws, but to no avail. It was certainly a very different Saturday evening to the ones I've been used to recently however!
Before that film showing, I was talking to a chap who runs the local group called BeLGBT. We didn't get off on the right foot over social networking sites, over the issue of LGBT History Month, but he did seem interested in "recruiting" me to help "fight the struggle". He obviously notices how passionate I am about LGBT issues, and I would love to help all I can, but I have one main concern. I am concerned that if I do volunteer to help, I'll have to throw everything at it. I'm not really the sort of person anymore to do things half-heartedly. It's either all or nothing. I'm concerned that if I play the "all" card, I'll fall into the trap of being known as "that gay guy who campaigns". Although it's obviously a cracking cause, I don't want to be classed as that. It's one to think about...
The 3rd and final part speaks for itself. "Stood up". I haven't been on a date for ... years, (for probable obvious reasons), but yesterday I took the plunge and accepted an invitation only for the chap to not show up. I was planning to meet him for a drink or three after I had finished with this independent film event, but after showing up 10 minutes early, I sat in this bar waiting for a full hour and a half before giving up and calling it a night. Not a word from the guy since, which is rather rude... But oh well. There is literally zero point in sitting back and worrying about these things! I can be proud that I at least made the effort!
Otherwise, not a lot has happened. No crazy stories of buying 50 jagerbombs at once, coming up against a national organisation in the press, buying everyone at the bar a shot of Sambuca or camp dancing to 'Lets Have a Kiki'. Instead, stand-up evenings, independent film showings and an albeit failed date.
Am I becoming an adult? Surely not...
But more recently, there have been a few things to tell you of. We'll begin in Cambridge a few weeks ago where I found myself in a pub watching an open mic stand-up evening. It was slightly strange, having only been to "professional" shows so to speak, and the standard was obviously lower than those of Jimmy Carr and Dara O'Briain. None the less, it was an enjoyable evening but it could really have got a whole lot worse. Over the years, I have written up anecdotes, (in my head - they're not written down anywhere!), that I once thought would be pretty good as stand-up material, and as the name suggests, "open mic" means you can just get up, do your bit, and sit back down again. A few JD and cokes deep, one small part of me was tempted to get up and do something, but judging by the acts that had gone before me, I'm not sure I would have gone down so well. So instead, I sat very firmly in my seat and laughed at others! I'm fairly sure Jim Davidson would have been considered light-hearted in this establishment, so my stories of PGL as a 12-year old and falling in a pond might not have cut the mustard. None the less, it was an enjoyable evening and certainly different to the weekend evenings that I have had lately, which have all involved large quantities of whisky and loud music. That's 1 - Stand Up.
Part 2 is 'Standing Up'. I use this very much in the "stand up for yourself" vain, as much of the last week has been used writing up a press release for Bedford Cricket Club joining the Sports Charter. I believe it's been in the local paper, but I'm not sure as I haven't checked. The Sports Charter is an initiative that gets sports clubs, associations and leagues signed up to tackle homophobia and transphobia in sport. Naturally, it's an issue close to my heart, and I'm pleased to say that Bedford CC is the first sports club in the county to sign up to it. Yesterday evening, I was invited along to an independent film showing at The Pad nightclub to be presented with the framed charter. It was a very small event, with not many people turning out, but we blamed the snow! The film itself, 'Kick-Off', was a film that was supposed to show the homophobia in football but it wasn't really very good at all. I think it was a comedy, and the message was there I suppose, but the way it went about telling the story was a bit ... stereotypical. The best part of it was thinking I knew one of the cast members, but then realising I didn't after all. All 99 minutes of it, I was sat in the most uncomfortable chair, trying not to fidget and point out the most obvious flaws, but to no avail. It was certainly a very different Saturday evening to the ones I've been used to recently however!
Before that film showing, I was talking to a chap who runs the local group called BeLGBT. We didn't get off on the right foot over social networking sites, over the issue of LGBT History Month, but he did seem interested in "recruiting" me to help "fight the struggle". He obviously notices how passionate I am about LGBT issues, and I would love to help all I can, but I have one main concern. I am concerned that if I do volunteer to help, I'll have to throw everything at it. I'm not really the sort of person anymore to do things half-heartedly. It's either all or nothing. I'm concerned that if I play the "all" card, I'll fall into the trap of being known as "that gay guy who campaigns". Although it's obviously a cracking cause, I don't want to be classed as that. It's one to think about...
The 3rd and final part speaks for itself. "Stood up". I haven't been on a date for ... years, (for probable obvious reasons), but yesterday I took the plunge and accepted an invitation only for the chap to not show up. I was planning to meet him for a drink or three after I had finished with this independent film event, but after showing up 10 minutes early, I sat in this bar waiting for a full hour and a half before giving up and calling it a night. Not a word from the guy since, which is rather rude... But oh well. There is literally zero point in sitting back and worrying about these things! I can be proud that I at least made the effort!
Otherwise, not a lot has happened. No crazy stories of buying 50 jagerbombs at once, coming up against a national organisation in the press, buying everyone at the bar a shot of Sambuca or camp dancing to 'Lets Have a Kiki'. Instead, stand-up evenings, independent film showings and an albeit failed date.
Am I becoming an adult? Surely not...
Friday 15 March 2013
Turning The Corner
This is literally just a side note, but a side note worth saying. Some of you might be wondering where all the usual talk of depression and low mood is. Most of you are probably pleased that you don't feel like you should read things like that anymore, but mainly, I am pleased I am no longer feeling that way. I still get very mild feelings of low mood, but that's in the same way as everyone does. Everyone feels a bit ... "bleurgh" from time to time, and unfortunately, I am not exempt from such feelings.
This is because I made a decision to turn my life around. I had fallen deep into a large black hole that sucked the life out of me until it was just impossible to carry on in the same vein. The Christmas and New Year period was the defining moment in this, (I won't be saying what happened - Only the people who I feel should know, do know) but I now focus on what I want from life and nothing more. I don't even think about it, I just do it. And I am all the better for it. As are the people around me.
I have recovered, I am sure of it. Because of that, I won't even be mentioning the 'D Word' from now on in this blog, unless I am unlucky and/or undisciplined enough to fall back into the same patterns I did before. I am sure I have turned a corner however, and thank God for that!
For those of you out there who, over the years, said things such as, "You have no idea what depression feels like", or, "You've got nothing to be depressed about", I can tell you now that you were very wrong indeed. You have little idea how much those words damaged me, albeit sometimes for a short period of time, but be sure to think about what you say to people before you say something.
Harmless banter in your eyes might be hurtful words in the ears of another.
However, I am no longer that person. We'll say no more on the subject. Onwards.
This is because I made a decision to turn my life around. I had fallen deep into a large black hole that sucked the life out of me until it was just impossible to carry on in the same vein. The Christmas and New Year period was the defining moment in this, (I won't be saying what happened - Only the people who I feel should know, do know) but I now focus on what I want from life and nothing more. I don't even think about it, I just do it. And I am all the better for it. As are the people around me.
I have recovered, I am sure of it. Because of that, I won't even be mentioning the 'D Word' from now on in this blog, unless I am unlucky and/or undisciplined enough to fall back into the same patterns I did before. I am sure I have turned a corner however, and thank God for that!
For those of you out there who, over the years, said things such as, "You have no idea what depression feels like", or, "You've got nothing to be depressed about", I can tell you now that you were very wrong indeed. You have little idea how much those words damaged me, albeit sometimes for a short period of time, but be sure to think about what you say to people before you say something.
Harmless banter in your eyes might be hurtful words in the ears of another.
However, I am no longer that person. We'll say no more on the subject. Onwards.
Wednesday 13 March 2013
The Biggest Moment of Your Life
Since coming out, I have been very humbled to find people coming to me for advice. People from school, people from the various sports clubs I've been to and acquaintances made over the years. Advice on how to do it themselves. It is the climax of a sometimes terrifying personal journey and I know for a fact there are many people out there who do not know what to do. This blog post is for them. This blog post is for anyone who loses sleep at the very thought of telling people. It is difficult to describe for someone who is unlucky enough to not go through this experience. And yes, you did read that right.
Ultimately, despite some horrific moments of self-torture and nearly drowning in tears, I would say my journey made me much stronger. It gave me character and a backbone. It gives me strength knowing I have come through one of life's tougher journeys. I now have the confidence to come through any challenge that comes to me in my own life, knowing I have got through one of life's more difficult ones.
So, you might be struggling. It is important that you accept that it is in no way shape or form "abnormal". It doesn't change who you are by any stretch of the imagination. You are not suddenly expected to act camp, go on huge shopping trips or stand for being classed as people's "GBF". You are the EXACT same person as you were before. Nothing has changed. That is the most important thing to remember.
Of course, the first thing you need to work out is if you WANT to tell people. I know LGBT people who never actually "came out", and are in happy and successful relationships. "Coming Out" is not compulsory. Personally, telling people was the final step to completely accepting who I was. For many others, telling people is simply not hiding ones true self and an act of fortitude. It certainly isn't a crime to not tell people, but be ready to be asked questions when the time comes that you walk in hand-in-hand with that partner you meet.
Most people reach the stage where they are desperate to be themselves in a social environment. Where they can get away with commenting on a good-looking guy or girl that you saw on TV last night without people turning to you in wide-eyed shock. And most people reach the stage where they find it impossible to know how to tell their loved ones. And then fear the reaction when they do find what to say. This is the most difficult part. It is not easy. It is quite possibly the most difficult phrase to come up with. But there are 3 points to remember:
1) First Up - Tell someone you KNOW will be understanding.
If you are lucky enough to have open-minded friends, the reaction from them will almost immediately be one of happiness. It is how it works. They will be delighted that you felt you could confide in them first and be wholly supportive. They will not turn from someone of happiness to someone bigoted because you happen to like same-sex relationships.
THE GOLDEN RULE: The human race is more understanding than you think.
If you feel you cannot confide in your friends, (maybe they are hard-acting "lads" who you feel may laugh it off), then start at work, university or college. Tell your manager, your lecturer, your teacher. Their job is to be supportive. They will not put you down, because their job would be on the line if they did. And that doesn't mean they will just say the right thing, but secretly think it horrible. Remember the golden rule.
2) Give people hints. There is nothing wrong with people speculating. It will lessen the shock when the time is right to tell them. Maybe ask people their views on sexuality or make a comment or two on sexuality issues in the media, or on famous stars that have come out. That's exactly what I did when I came out "en masse". And a couple of people picked up on it.
I will not lie and tell you everyone will be jumping around in celebration as you tell them. Some people WILL be shocked and surprised. Not everyone will be delighted at your bravery, but instead be more conservative and simply say, "cool" or "ok". You may be unlucky, and lose a few friends over the matter. But ask yourself this. If they do not like it, are they worth your friendship?
It is important to appreciate that people may be surprised. But their initial reaction will most probably not be their long-term reaction.
3) Try and rationalise the fear.
The fear of the reaction far outweighs the reality of it. That is a fact. If you live your life in fear of the reaction, you will simply never get it out. One friend told me, in the comments section of my first ever blog post in fact, to simply feel like you're jumping off a very high diving board. It is scary. But ultimately, the risk of hurting yourself is low.
I can tell you, the relief after you first tell someone is one of the greatest feelings on Planet Earth. And trust me when I say, you cannot reach your full potential with a black cloud hanging over you. If you are reading this - you might be a good friend or maybe you don't know me whatsoever - please feel like you can ask me for any advice at any time. Honestly.
And to those of you I know are going through this journey - good luck. You will come out the other side, I am sure of it. Remember the golden rule, keep the fear under control, and you will get there.
It DOES get better...
Ultimately, despite some horrific moments of self-torture and nearly drowning in tears, I would say my journey made me much stronger. It gave me character and a backbone. It gives me strength knowing I have come through one of life's tougher journeys. I now have the confidence to come through any challenge that comes to me in my own life, knowing I have got through one of life's more difficult ones.
So, you might be struggling. It is important that you accept that it is in no way shape or form "abnormal". It doesn't change who you are by any stretch of the imagination. You are not suddenly expected to act camp, go on huge shopping trips or stand for being classed as people's "GBF". You are the EXACT same person as you were before. Nothing has changed. That is the most important thing to remember.
Of course, the first thing you need to work out is if you WANT to tell people. I know LGBT people who never actually "came out", and are in happy and successful relationships. "Coming Out" is not compulsory. Personally, telling people was the final step to completely accepting who I was. For many others, telling people is simply not hiding ones true self and an act of fortitude. It certainly isn't a crime to not tell people, but be ready to be asked questions when the time comes that you walk in hand-in-hand with that partner you meet.
Most people reach the stage where they are desperate to be themselves in a social environment. Where they can get away with commenting on a good-looking guy or girl that you saw on TV last night without people turning to you in wide-eyed shock. And most people reach the stage where they find it impossible to know how to tell their loved ones. And then fear the reaction when they do find what to say. This is the most difficult part. It is not easy. It is quite possibly the most difficult phrase to come up with. But there are 3 points to remember:
1) First Up - Tell someone you KNOW will be understanding.
If you are lucky enough to have open-minded friends, the reaction from them will almost immediately be one of happiness. It is how it works. They will be delighted that you felt you could confide in them first and be wholly supportive. They will not turn from someone of happiness to someone bigoted because you happen to like same-sex relationships.
THE GOLDEN RULE: The human race is more understanding than you think.
If you feel you cannot confide in your friends, (maybe they are hard-acting "lads" who you feel may laugh it off), then start at work, university or college. Tell your manager, your lecturer, your teacher. Their job is to be supportive. They will not put you down, because their job would be on the line if they did. And that doesn't mean they will just say the right thing, but secretly think it horrible. Remember the golden rule.
2) Give people hints. There is nothing wrong with people speculating. It will lessen the shock when the time is right to tell them. Maybe ask people their views on sexuality or make a comment or two on sexuality issues in the media, or on famous stars that have come out. That's exactly what I did when I came out "en masse". And a couple of people picked up on it.
I will not lie and tell you everyone will be jumping around in celebration as you tell them. Some people WILL be shocked and surprised. Not everyone will be delighted at your bravery, but instead be more conservative and simply say, "cool" or "ok". You may be unlucky, and lose a few friends over the matter. But ask yourself this. If they do not like it, are they worth your friendship?
It is important to appreciate that people may be surprised. But their initial reaction will most probably not be their long-term reaction.
3) Try and rationalise the fear.
The fear of the reaction far outweighs the reality of it. That is a fact. If you live your life in fear of the reaction, you will simply never get it out. One friend told me, in the comments section of my first ever blog post in fact, to simply feel like you're jumping off a very high diving board. It is scary. But ultimately, the risk of hurting yourself is low.
I can tell you, the relief after you first tell someone is one of the greatest feelings on Planet Earth. And trust me when I say, you cannot reach your full potential with a black cloud hanging over you. If you are reading this - you might be a good friend or maybe you don't know me whatsoever - please feel like you can ask me for any advice at any time. Honestly.
And to those of you I know are going through this journey - good luck. You will come out the other side, I am sure of it. Remember the golden rule, keep the fear under control, and you will get there.
It DOES get better...
Monday 11 March 2013
Shilly-Shally
Isn't it quite funny that the Catholic Church has invested 23 million Euros in what is essentially a gay sauna? The series of events surrounding the institution really is quite staggering...
I sent an e-mail yesterday. It's about as interesting as it got for me on what was very much a day of recovery after helping young Elmo discover the world of clubbing on Saturday night with doubles, amaretto and a drop of aftershock. He seemed to cope with it with astounding ease, so it bodes well for the lad! Anyway, yes, the e-mail. I have sent a lot of them recently, to people I have fallen out with in the past and drifted away from. But this e-mail was an important one. It was to the person who helped me discover me, and I will always be grateful to him for what he did. Unfortunately, our friendship ended, and although that will remain the same, I'm pleased I let him know my thoughts.
With old friendships passing, new friendships are blossoming from birth. Some friends drift away, but new ones approach over the horizon. It's quite incredible how much this frightens me, but also fills me with positive energy. I know now I am very much a "shilly shallier" but the mixture of emotions I am feeling right now is quite simply, crazy. It's very difficult to control for someone of my disposition.
Anyway. OH YES! I have news! I am going to complete the set when it comes to football. I've played for... many years. Officiated for 7 years. Been a supporter since conception, but from September, I shall be a manager! On Friday evening, I was approached completely out of the blue from my former club at youth level, Bedford Park Rangers, who are looking for someone to help the current manager and his Under 13 side. With coaching badges all paid for, it was an opportunity I didn't want to turn down. Quite frankly, I'm going to be the next Mourinho!
Otherwise, it's been fairly plain sailing despite an absolute stinker of a Monday afternoon. But these happen. The next few weeks might be interesting... It just depends if I can stop the nerves getting to me... And the apprehension... And that... Is all I am saying...
I sent an e-mail yesterday. It's about as interesting as it got for me on what was very much a day of recovery after helping young Elmo discover the world of clubbing on Saturday night with doubles, amaretto and a drop of aftershock. He seemed to cope with it with astounding ease, so it bodes well for the lad! Anyway, yes, the e-mail. I have sent a lot of them recently, to people I have fallen out with in the past and drifted away from. But this e-mail was an important one. It was to the person who helped me discover me, and I will always be grateful to him for what he did. Unfortunately, our friendship ended, and although that will remain the same, I'm pleased I let him know my thoughts.
With old friendships passing, new friendships are blossoming from birth. Some friends drift away, but new ones approach over the horizon. It's quite incredible how much this frightens me, but also fills me with positive energy. I know now I am very much a "shilly shallier" but the mixture of emotions I am feeling right now is quite simply, crazy. It's very difficult to control for someone of my disposition.
Anyway. OH YES! I have news! I am going to complete the set when it comes to football. I've played for... many years. Officiated for 7 years. Been a supporter since conception, but from September, I shall be a manager! On Friday evening, I was approached completely out of the blue from my former club at youth level, Bedford Park Rangers, who are looking for someone to help the current manager and his Under 13 side. With coaching badges all paid for, it was an opportunity I didn't want to turn down. Quite frankly, I'm going to be the next Mourinho!
Otherwise, it's been fairly plain sailing despite an absolute stinker of a Monday afternoon. But these happen. The next few weeks might be interesting... It just depends if I can stop the nerves getting to me... And the apprehension... And that... Is all I am saying...
Wednesday 6 March 2013
Man Utd - Hard Done By or Whingers?
It was billed as a game that "the world would stop for" by Real Madrid manager Jose Mourinho and built up as the heavyweight match to end all heavyweight matches by pundits across the world. With megastars on show from Robin Van Persie, Xabi Alonso, Wayne Rooney and of course the enigmatic returning to Old Trafford of "CR7", Cristiano Ronaldo. Who would be the man to step up to the plate? Who would turn heads and grace the world stage with the awe-inspiring performance their team required? Who would be the man to steal the headlines?
The Answer? Step forward the Referee : Cuneyt Cakir.
Above any of the superstars on show, I'm fairly sure the Turkish referee would be the last name on the minds of the millions watching to be the man to steal the show. Known by Chelsea fans as that man who sent off John Terry in the semi-finals last season, Cakir is considered one of the best referees in world football. Having officiated in the semi-finals of both the Champions League and Euro 2012 last season, he has developed into one of the most respected officials in the game. Last night, that respect almost blew up in his face on the brandishing of a red card in the direction of Portuguese winger Nani, for a challenge that has become one of the most fiercely debated challenges in football history.
So, what happened? The ball was cleared upfield towards Nani on the left wing, who watched the ball the WHOLE WAY on to his foot, as he stretched out his leg to bring the ball under control. This detail is important. He had no idea whatsoever that Alvaro Arbeloa was about to jump forwards towards the same ball, as Nani's foot collided with the body of Arbeloa. Both players went down, (I do think Nani was overreacting here), but as Nani got back up, the referee showed him a red card. In an act that shocked everyone in the stadium, (even the Madrid players) and indeed everyone watching at home, Cuneyt Cakir sent off the United winger, and with it, changed the dynamic of the game in such a way that it cost United the victory and a passage into the next round.
What is the argument? The argument FOR the red card is that it was considered "dangerous play". On what universe is bringing a high ball under control considered "dangerous play"? You see it 10 or 15 times in every match, but just because Arbeloa jumped into his foot, Nani should be the one that is penalised for it? That makes no sense whatsoever. I've listened to and contemplated the argument in defence of the referee and I have come to the conclusion that he was wrong. Very, very wrong. What's more, everyone knew it. I'll come to that bit later.
The arguments AGAINST Cakir's decision are endless. It was in no way an intentional attempt to hurt Arbeloa as Nani didn't even know he was there. It wasn't a challenge with excessive force as he was merely trying to bring the ball under control. Although it's difficult to tell, you could argue that not much contact was made with Arbeloa. It wasn't contact with the ribcage as people were suggesting at least. What's more, officials are told to avoid making decisions that make a negative impact. Regardless of whether you agree with the decision or not, the impact on the match was certainly one that will not be easily forgotten. The phrase, "dangerous play" has been used a lot in defence of Cakir. Real Madrid goalkeeper, Diego Lopez, punched Nemanja Vidic in the head as he came out to clear a ball earlier in the match. Is that not dangerous play? Of course, he didn't mean to do it, but neither did Nani? What's the difference? How do you define this new phrase that has cropped up out of obscurity? How far do you take it?
Over the years, I have seen Sir Alex Ferguson angry. His rages are legendary. His slanging matches with 4th officials across the land are stuff of legend but NEVER have I seen him actively encourage the crowd to get on the referee's back and criticise. NEVER have I seen Sir Alex "too distraught" to face the media afterwards. NEVER have I seen a manager with such success behind him, left completely speechless at a decision that has shocked the footballing world. As his assistant, Mike Phelan said, "I think it speaks volumes that the manager of this football club can't talk about the game tonight". That is not the Sir Alex Ferguson that we all know.
But of course, as with most contentious decisions, the backlash from the club that feels hard done by is pretty standard. What you don't see very often however is a sombre reaction from the opposition. The opponents who gained an advantage from a terrible piece of refereeing. Real Madrid are a side that have history with pressurising referees and criticising officials. It is pretty common in La Liga to surround the referee when they think a bad challenge has been made. There was none of that last night. There were no protestations from Real players, let alone calls for a red card. The behaviour of Real Madrid's manager, the ever-present Jose Mourinho told you all you need to know. He hugged Sir Alex as the final whistle approached, in a way that suggested he thought United had been cheated. He held his hand up to the crowd as he disappeared down the tunnel in an admission of guilt at the way his side had won the tie. He even admitted in his post-match interview that, "the best team lost", and even his players' celebrations on the pitch were muted, because they all knew.
They all knew the game had been changed. And changed wrongly.
The game was set up perfectly. As a fan of football, the last 30 minutes were set up to be a must-watch encounter. Real Madrid needed to find a goal against a dogged United defence. To see who would come out on top in a classic attack vs defence scenario, between two of the best sides in the world, would have been fascinating to watch. As a lover of the game, that opportunity was taken away by an official who got it very, very wrong.
I'm not even going to enter the debate about Roy Keane's point of view on ITV afterwards. For a man who purposely entered a football pitch one day to simply end another professional's career, I cannot and will not take his opinion that "it was dangerous and he deserved it", seriously. That is simply hypocrisy at its greatest and ugliest heights.
I find it interesting that the majority of people defending the referee are referees themselves. I merely think this is an act of "referees defending referees", because I used to do the same. But if challenges like this are being greeted with dismissals, the sport of football that I once knew has descended into a complete farce. I can almost guarantee that a similar challenge will occur in the next few weeks that won't even be awarded with a free-kick, and there will be uproar from fans who criticise the lack of consistency in today's game. It's getting harder and harder to ignore the differences in decision-making and its getting harder and harder to defend the performance of officials. I am not annoyed because it cost United the game. I am annoyed because it ruined the spectacle of what should have been a glorious night for the increasingly troubled sport of football.
But instead, we are left debating the performance of the one man who's performance shouldn't be in the spotlight. Then I wonder how long this can last, before people give up altogether.
The Answer? Step forward the Referee : Cuneyt Cakir.
Above any of the superstars on show, I'm fairly sure the Turkish referee would be the last name on the minds of the millions watching to be the man to steal the show. Known by Chelsea fans as that man who sent off John Terry in the semi-finals last season, Cakir is considered one of the best referees in world football. Having officiated in the semi-finals of both the Champions League and Euro 2012 last season, he has developed into one of the most respected officials in the game. Last night, that respect almost blew up in his face on the brandishing of a red card in the direction of Portuguese winger Nani, for a challenge that has become one of the most fiercely debated challenges in football history.
So, what happened? The ball was cleared upfield towards Nani on the left wing, who watched the ball the WHOLE WAY on to his foot, as he stretched out his leg to bring the ball under control. This detail is important. He had no idea whatsoever that Alvaro Arbeloa was about to jump forwards towards the same ball, as Nani's foot collided with the body of Arbeloa. Both players went down, (I do think Nani was overreacting here), but as Nani got back up, the referee showed him a red card. In an act that shocked everyone in the stadium, (even the Madrid players) and indeed everyone watching at home, Cuneyt Cakir sent off the United winger, and with it, changed the dynamic of the game in such a way that it cost United the victory and a passage into the next round.
What is the argument? The argument FOR the red card is that it was considered "dangerous play". On what universe is bringing a high ball under control considered "dangerous play"? You see it 10 or 15 times in every match, but just because Arbeloa jumped into his foot, Nani should be the one that is penalised for it? That makes no sense whatsoever. I've listened to and contemplated the argument in defence of the referee and I have come to the conclusion that he was wrong. Very, very wrong. What's more, everyone knew it. I'll come to that bit later.
The arguments AGAINST Cakir's decision are endless. It was in no way an intentional attempt to hurt Arbeloa as Nani didn't even know he was there. It wasn't a challenge with excessive force as he was merely trying to bring the ball under control. Although it's difficult to tell, you could argue that not much contact was made with Arbeloa. It wasn't contact with the ribcage as people were suggesting at least. What's more, officials are told to avoid making decisions that make a negative impact. Regardless of whether you agree with the decision or not, the impact on the match was certainly one that will not be easily forgotten. The phrase, "dangerous play" has been used a lot in defence of Cakir. Real Madrid goalkeeper, Diego Lopez, punched Nemanja Vidic in the head as he came out to clear a ball earlier in the match. Is that not dangerous play? Of course, he didn't mean to do it, but neither did Nani? What's the difference? How do you define this new phrase that has cropped up out of obscurity? How far do you take it?
Over the years, I have seen Sir Alex Ferguson angry. His rages are legendary. His slanging matches with 4th officials across the land are stuff of legend but NEVER have I seen him actively encourage the crowd to get on the referee's back and criticise. NEVER have I seen Sir Alex "too distraught" to face the media afterwards. NEVER have I seen a manager with such success behind him, left completely speechless at a decision that has shocked the footballing world. As his assistant, Mike Phelan said, "I think it speaks volumes that the manager of this football club can't talk about the game tonight". That is not the Sir Alex Ferguson that we all know.
But of course, as with most contentious decisions, the backlash from the club that feels hard done by is pretty standard. What you don't see very often however is a sombre reaction from the opposition. The opponents who gained an advantage from a terrible piece of refereeing. Real Madrid are a side that have history with pressurising referees and criticising officials. It is pretty common in La Liga to surround the referee when they think a bad challenge has been made. There was none of that last night. There were no protestations from Real players, let alone calls for a red card. The behaviour of Real Madrid's manager, the ever-present Jose Mourinho told you all you need to know. He hugged Sir Alex as the final whistle approached, in a way that suggested he thought United had been cheated. He held his hand up to the crowd as he disappeared down the tunnel in an admission of guilt at the way his side had won the tie. He even admitted in his post-match interview that, "the best team lost", and even his players' celebrations on the pitch were muted, because they all knew.
They all knew the game had been changed. And changed wrongly.
The game was set up perfectly. As a fan of football, the last 30 minutes were set up to be a must-watch encounter. Real Madrid needed to find a goal against a dogged United defence. To see who would come out on top in a classic attack vs defence scenario, between two of the best sides in the world, would have been fascinating to watch. As a lover of the game, that opportunity was taken away by an official who got it very, very wrong.
I'm not even going to enter the debate about Roy Keane's point of view on ITV afterwards. For a man who purposely entered a football pitch one day to simply end another professional's career, I cannot and will not take his opinion that "it was dangerous and he deserved it", seriously. That is simply hypocrisy at its greatest and ugliest heights.
I find it interesting that the majority of people defending the referee are referees themselves. I merely think this is an act of "referees defending referees", because I used to do the same. But if challenges like this are being greeted with dismissals, the sport of football that I once knew has descended into a complete farce. I can almost guarantee that a similar challenge will occur in the next few weeks that won't even be awarded with a free-kick, and there will be uproar from fans who criticise the lack of consistency in today's game. It's getting harder and harder to ignore the differences in decision-making and its getting harder and harder to defend the performance of officials. I am not annoyed because it cost United the game. I am annoyed because it ruined the spectacle of what should have been a glorious night for the increasingly troubled sport of football.
But instead, we are left debating the performance of the one man who's performance shouldn't be in the spotlight. Then I wonder how long this can last, before people give up altogether.
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