With the non-starter that was Eurovision 2020 now a distant memory, it was a welcome return to the world's biggest music competition on Saturday night, as the Ahoy Arena played host to the 65th edition of the Eurovision Song Contest.
As we are now accustomed to, 32 European countries plus Australia, battled in two midweek semi-finals for 20 Grand Final places and were joined by the "Big 5" plus hosts, The Netherlands to make a final line-up of 26 songs...
Where are we going next year...?
(The final score for each country is split into two, the jury vote and the televote making the final number. The returning artists from 2020's non-contest are denoted with a *)
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1) CYPRUS - Elena Tsagrinou* with 'El Diablo' - 16th with 94 points (50/44)
As ever, it is a tough gig to open the show, with Cyprus' Lady Gaga-lite getting the nod. This one had produced controversy with religious groups as the song is about dancing with "El Diablo", aka, the Devil.
It was a good song to kick the show off with, but as you're about to see, this field of 26 songs may be the strongest ever seen. 16th was fair.
2) ALBANIA - Anxhela Peristeri with 'Karma' - 21st with 57 points (22/35)
For the second contest running, Albania were given the "death slot", as no act has ever won the Contest from 2nd position in the running order.
I was surprised this was given the slot, as it was quite upbeat and Anxhela's voice was superb, but unfortunately, the early songs need something mighty special to be remembered. 21st was harsh in the context of the other songs, but not altogether surprising.
3) ISRAEL - Eden Alene* with 'Set Me Free' - 17th with 93 points (73/20)
The "it's all political" brigade clearly ignore the fact that Israel not only qualified but picked up 93 points despite being in the middle of a conflict.
Featuring the highest ever note from 20-year old Eden Alene, it fell by the wayside slightly, but a qualification for the Israelis is a good result nonetheless. 17th was probably correct.
4) BELGIUM - Hooverphonic* with 'The Wrong Place' - 19th with 74 points (71/3)
Exactly as the voting suggests, this moody number was always going to do better with the juries than the public; but it provided something different from the pop numbers we are accustomed to.
A huge band in their native Belgium, their performance was very good but it just lacked a bit of oomph.
5) RUSSIA - Manizha with 'Russian Woman' - 9th with 204 points (104/100)
Long gone are the days that the Russians get ceremoniously booed off stage and this one wins my, "I hate it before I see it live" contest. It didn't make much sense as a track, but seeing it live, I absolutely loved it.
Manizha clearly gave it everything, and despite it never looking like troubling the leaders, 9th is a good and a fair spot for a song that grew in popularity throughout the week.
6) MALTA - Destiny* with 'Je Me Casse' - 7th with 255 points (208/47)
One of the big pre-contest favourites came from Malta, and Destiny - who has already won Junior Eurovision - came to slay. I have to say, I had this down as my winner and to only get 47 points from the public vote was a big shock in the room... Not least to Destiny...
7) PORTUGAL - The Black Mamba with 'Love is on My Side' - 12th with 153 points (126/27)
A real dark horse this one, and again, its popularity sky-rocketed as the week went on. It finished 4th in it's semi final and did well on Saturday night, let down again by the public vote who all careered behind a small number of songs (see later in the list...)
Cracking effort from Portugal though, and the old cinematic style really played into its hands. 12th was fair.
8) SERBIA - Hurricane* with 'Loco Loco' - 15th with 102 points (20/82)
Another one of my pre-contest favourites came from Serbia's tribute to Little Mix. The three women, wind machine assisted, really put on a stunning show and I'm surprised it didn't finish higher than it did.
My only guess is that it came across as too "common" for a professional jury looking for something a bit more classy. (See Portugal).
9) UNITED KINGDOM - James Newman* with 'Embers' - 26th with 0 points (0/0)
That's a lot of zeros...
Like Graham Norton said, I simply do not know what to say. The new double-pronged voting system apparently makes it near impossible to get the dreaded "nul points", but the UK being the UK, we have managed it.
It was no slight on James Newman, who gave a solid enough performance but the list of problems with the UK at Eurovision is longer than one of the trumpet props they were using...
10) GREECE - Stefania* with 'Last Dance' - 10th with 170 points (91/79)
18-year old Stefania was the youngest contestant in the competition, and her effort, 'Last Dance' was a catchy number, ruined by a strange green screen setup and dancers with no faces.
I was distracted the whole way through, and while I could see what they were trying to do, it just didn't work. Given the strength of other songs, I'm surprised this got a top-10 finish.
11) SWITZERLAND - Gjon's Tears* with 'Tout l'Univers' - 3rd with 432 points (267/165)
Another pre-contest favourite came from the lovely Gjon's Tears who belted out this french language song with great aplomb. I didn't particularly like it when I first heard it, but it has grown on me hugely, to the point I had it in 2nd place, much to the derision of the people I was watching the show with.
Seems like a genuinely lovely guy as well, and 3rd seemed like a fair compromise for a powerful song.
12) ICELAND - Dadi o Gagnimagnio* with '10 Years' - 4th with 378 points (198/180)
Do forgive the horribly English typing of their band name, but I do not possess an Icelandic keyboard.
I feel sorry for these guys. 2020 didn't happen and they were unable to perform live for the whole week in 2021 as one of them came down with the dreaded "C" in midweek. Their rehearsal footage was used, and the popularity of the band shone through with a deserved 4th place.
13) SPAIN - Blas Canto* with 'Voy a Querdarme' - 24th with 6 points (6/0)
One of four songs to get zero points from the public, this ballad was simply too boring to make it into the psyche of the crowds watching. The huge moon was a bit gimmicky and the song simply passed me by. Only saved from the ignominy felt by the United Kingdom by stealing six points from the juries.
24th was more than fair.
14) MOLDOVA - Natalia Gordienko* with 'Sugar' - 13th with 115 points (53/62)
I quite liked this song in the lead up, but Natalia's performances never really stood up. It was very breathy and the dancers were off-putting, and it never really worked.
One of the countries you could argue benefits from neighbourly voting, it ended up in 13th which was extremely generous.
15) GERMANY - Jendrik with 'I Don't Feel Hate' - 25th with 3 points (3/0)
The third song to get nothing from the public, and frankly, deservedly so. This tune is nothing short of irritating and the fact I'm not allowed to say that because the song is about not hating things sends my brain into a spin.
Less said the better.
16) FINLAND - Blind Channel with 'The Dark Side' - 6th with 301 points (83/218)Finland love sending a rock song and this was no different, with the public absolutely loving it. They were leading at one point as they picked up 218 points alone from the televote, but the jury vote let them down.
Not my usual cup of tea, but it was a cracking performance and it deserves its 6th place.
17) BULGARIA - Victoria* with 'Growing Up is Getting Old' - 11th with 170 points (140/30)I never really "got" this unfortunately, and at this stage of the evening, it was just too slow and meandering to really get my attention. It was touted as a potential dark horse, but it fell away after the public vote, along with many others.
11th was fair.
18) LITHUANIA - The Roop* with 'Discoteque' - 8th with 220 points (55/165)
Mightily popular with the public, the odd dance moves and the very bright yellow clothing added to the rising stock that are The Roop.
They were one of the big favourites in 2020, and touted as one of the potential winners this year (among a very open field).
'Discoteque' was catchy, had the unique dance moves and the likability factor that earned it a solid and well-deserved 8th place.
19) UKRAINE - Go_A* with 'Shum' - 5th with 364 points (97/267)
The song that gained the most traction as the week went on was this native electro-folk track by Go_A. Non-watchers of Eurovision may wonder what on Earth this song is doing in the top 5, but I can definitely see why it was.
It's unique, it stands out and the native feel gave it an extra boost. It peaked at the right time, finishing 2nd with the public, but it fell just short.
20) FRANCE - Barbara Pravi with 'Voila' - 2nd with 499 points (248/251)
Popular with both juries and the public, this was many people's choice to win and you can see why. Full of fire, the French swagger and the Edith Piaf style, it had everything a Eurovision winner commands.
I felt she was trying a tad too hard during her performance, which detracted somewhat from the song, but it is a brilliant offering and a shame the French just missed out on the trophy.
21) AZERBAIJAN - Efendi* with 'Mata Hari' - 20th with 65 points (32/33)
When you come after one of the hot favourites, you better bring your A game and unfortunately, Efendi didn't. Her song was too similar to her 2020 entry, (which didn't go down well with Eurovision fans) and it felt a bit samey to some of the other songs we'd already heard, (note: Serbia).
20th felt a bit harsh but again, given the strength of the field, not unsurprising.
22) NORWAY - Tix with 'Fallen Angel' - 18th with 75 points (15/60)
Named 'Tix' due to have Tourette's Syndrome, this was the surprise winner of Norway's selection process - Melodi Grand Prix - and I'm sure Tix himself is sick of walking around with angel wings. This song was perpetually in my head, but I'm not certain the Eurovision crowd go for gimmicks anymore? 18th seemed fair enough.
23) NETHERLANDS - Jeangu Macrooy* with 'Birth of a New Age' - 23rd with 11 points (11/0)
Another song to get zilch from the public, and maybe harshly so, but this was in a crowd of finishing songs that lit up the Ahoy Arena, and despite a great reaction from the partisan crowd, there was something missing from this performance.
I loved the song, but even I had it in 21st place. He seemed like he was having the time of his life though, and that's all that counts!
24) ITALY - Maneskin with 'Zitti e Buoni' - WINNERS with 524 points (206 / 318)
They were the pre-contest favourites, despite not being the usual genre for a Eurovision winner and although I can't quite put my finger on why, I have liked this from the very beginning. I can't explain to you why though...
There was also a humorous moment when they were announced as the winners and the lead singer was caught taking what looked coke...
25) SWEDEN - Tusse with 'Voices' - 14th with 109 points (46/63)
Sweden are so good at this Eurovision malarkey nowadays, but this was a rare poor showing from them. Someone pointed out that his skin colour held him back, (See Netherlands and Malta for other cases in point), and there is certainly a pattern emerging there...
I hope for the sake of the Contest that isn't the case...
26) SAN MARINO - Senhit* (ft. Flo Rida) with 'Adrenalina' - 22nd with 50 points (37/13)
Closing the show is never easy, because everyone is totting up their scorecards and deciding on a winner, but if ever there was a final song worth listening to, this was it.
All the hype was about the emergence of one of music's megastars in Flo Rida but it turns out you can enlist the services of one of the most well-known names in music and still not do well. It was a right shock it finished in 22nd though and only got 13 points from the public...
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So, there we are. Italy have won the Eurovision Song Contest for the first time in many a year. I could write a whole piece on where the United Kingdom is going wrong, and I think I'll save the rant for another time...
Italy 2022 awaits...
