I Give Up

This has been the most difficult week of my life. The emotional rollercoaster that has taken place in my head, that is more battered than mashed potato, has taken its toll. The decisions I have made, not just in this last week, but in the last 3 years could not have been more hideous, and I have given up entirely in trying to sort out my own head. I am a nobody, and that is how I shall stay. I am a lacklustre, lazy, bone idle, idiotic excuse for a human being, and that is how I will remain for the rest of my days. I am not prepared to trial and error my way through life until I find something I want to do, because the horrible journies I will have to suffer along the way will not be worth it.

I don't want to be involved in any education system, I am universes away from being hard-working enough to complete any apprenticeship, and clearly a working week is too much for me to handle. My whole life is a trainwreck waiting to happen, and I'm struggling to delay the inevitable much longer. My rash decision making, mixed with my awful ability to panic and worry about the smallest of things, means that if I stay at University any longer, I will end up throwing myself off the edge of Beachy Head. Therefore, I am leaving and coming home to ruin my life around people I know. I am too selfish for it to happen any other way. If I'm extremely lucky, I will find a job that I could keep for a few months before caving in again, and then we'll start all over again before it becomes too unbearable to stay alive for.

I'm doomed to a life of depression, and I am powerless to get out of it. I'm going to bed, and hopefully it will all have disappeared by the morning. Welcome back to the dark days Mitten.