Preconceptions

My fears before coming here have been confirmed, but not really for the reasons I had thought. I thought beforehand that the whole trip was over-hyped and that it wouldn't live up to the rapturous heights of the former trips. Although I can safely say it hasn't been as good as the other times, the reasons for it have been completely different.

I've talked of my family before, mainly my parents and not in a particularly good light, however, I am not too scared to admit I am a little homesick. The one problem I was fairly confident I wasn't going to suffer from, but for the first time in a long long ... long time, I cannot wait to get home and give Mum a hug. Even on the train up here, I got the feeling I was leaving something behind, although I wasn't entirely sure what. I still don't know. I just miss the one place I don't particularly like being all the time. Home.

This trip anyway. 1pm on Friday, we boarded the train from Bedford to Nottingham. I was waiting for a phone call from BP saying if I got the job or not. He said he'd ring at 1. 1.30... no word. He rang at 1:45.. "I'd like to offer you a job". My reaction was one of relief but also of thoughtfulness. I knew that if I'd take the job, I would have to stay there for a reasonable amount of time, and despite not knowing where I want to go in life, BP isn't it. So I turned down the job. I want to go somewhere in life, although I don't know where, and being at BP will not improve that. Are you kidding??? Of course I accepted it so I start next Thursday or Friday, (I find out on Tuesday), and I'll be back in the money soon! So I was in good spirits on Friday afternoon. Celebrating. I was looking forward to it.

We finally reached Manchester at 4:35, slightly jaded from the cramped trip, we walked outside and had to wait for Beddoe. Half an hour... in the rain... Despite this, he turned up and we got the bus back to his now familiar accommodation. We dumped our bags and moped around for a bit before deciding on going for a curry. This was a mistake. Beddoe decided to try and confuse the waiters by ordering the same thing twice and I ended up paying nearly 2 times the amount I should of. I don't mind if it doesn't cause an argument. No one is going to ruin this celebratory weekend with a petty argument over £8. We walked back to Lidl.. (Despite getting a job, I still had a restricted budget remember), then realised that not even a tramp would consider drinking Lidl brand vodka, (or wallpaper paste), and went to Tesco's next door. Colin kindly bought most of my pre-drinks for me therefore settling the curry dispute. I'll refrain from talking about Beddoe..

So. We had our pre-drinks. We had our very ridiculous pre-drinking game, (see Facebook for details!) The stage was set for a fantastic night out in .. M-Town..? Manchester yeah.. I was a little drunk but there was something holding me back. I couldn't figure out what... We got the bus to some street to a club called 5th Avenue, (American stylee). It's a great club but things just didn't happen. Colin felt ill and was sick an hour in, (not alcohol related I hasten to add), and the club just got completely packed. I wasn't enjoying this. The whole night was resembling a raver's version of Hillsborough and I was getting extremely claustrophobic. I told the others I was stepping outside for a breath of fresh air, without intention to go back in. Something was troubling me. I couldn't figure out what it was. I stood outside on the streets for an hour waiting for the others. In that time, I got asked if I was gay, (I replied "close"), asked if I wanted some "Charlie" which I found out later was cocaine and asked if I had £20 that someone could "borrow". What a ridiculous city I've landed in! Why should I care, I took the Charlie. (joke)

So, we were home early, to Beddoe's disgust. I really couldn't of cared less. I walked back to Beddoe's in pretty much silence, thinking about what was troubling me. Trying to work it out. Beddoe was badgering me to find out what the problem was, but how could I tell him if I didn't know myself? We reached Beddoe's. I had already agreed to sleep on the chairs in the lounge area after having the bed the last 2 times I've been up here. Fair do's. Took me a while to get to sleep. Was comfortable enough though.

This afternoon was fairly good. We went to Trafford Centre, did a bit of shopping. Well, Beddoe and Colin did. Obviously I have no money to waste on shirts and jackets. In classic Colin style, we visited Next about 5 times and Burton's 4 times. I stayed patient. It was a laugh watching Colin agonising on what to buy and fair play to him, he actually bought something. Usually he walks away empty-handed. We also had a pointless and fruitless trip to the travel agents to organise "this years summer holiday", which has as much chance of happening as Beddoe getting 25 points tonight. (Private joke). We were on the bus home. I already knew I didn't want to go out tonight whilst sitting on that bus. I knew it would end up being the same as last night. Don't know why, it just would. My accumulator was narrowly lost by 2 fixtures, (I would of won over £9,000), but that was expected. My worries were more based around this evening.

I knew I didn't want to go out. I had a headache, I was tired, I just generally didn't want to. Why would I go out if I didn't want to? Beddoe doesn't see it that way though and basically tried to blackmail his way through. It didn't work. I had more things to worry about than Beddoe and his drunkenness. I think Colin understood, having been in the position before, but Beddoe, no. I nearly lost my temper with him this evening. If you read a few posts back, (the very long one about my memories), I remember saying I try so very hard to not get angry at people and I have to hold myself back sometimes. This was another case of that. I succeeded once more though and I'm glad I did. He seemed in a happy enough spirit as they left to go out though, and I hope they're having a good night as I type this.

What does tomorrow bring? I think we're going to the pub to watch the football, if the other 2 can get up in time and then not a lot until we get the train home. First-class! Tickets were somehow cheaper. For Colin anyway. My tickets are normal but I'll try and get away with sitting with Colin in the posh section. Surely it's just a table and some sugar anyway...?

For once, I look forward to going home. This trip hasn't been a complete nightmare. It has had it's good moments, just way under what was expected. And that niggling feeling I've done something wrong or walked away from something.. I just want to give Mum a hug. x

Ciao x