Friday 28 January 2011

Insulting or Just Plain Banter?

I'd like your opinion on something.

Tonight, I was on the line at Kempston Rovers who were playing Sileby Rangers. It was an OK game, no major decisions and I felt my personal performance was credible, but I lost concentration for the last 15 minutes or so. I didn't get anything majorly wrong because of it, but it's something I need to work on. It's not my performance I want an opinion of though.

A short way into the first half, a few well-known faces appeared in the stands behind me. CC and a couple of referees, (including a couple of one of their friends, who I happen to know aswell). Originally, I was slightly put off that they were behind me. I could hear them making a couple of playful comments, nothing insulting or anything, just banter, but for a while it put me off my game. They didn't hang around for the 2nd half. They were too cold!

It wasn't that cold. I was a little chilly in my short-sleeved Wembley kit, but I was moving around!

The 2nd half wasn't a major event. As I said, I lost concentration towards the end, but the final whistle came and went and I had a friendly chat with Nev and Tiny afterwards and all was well. I was relatively pleased with my performance, and it was another game done, no fuss.

However, it's not any of this I want an opinion on either.

I got home, and went on Facebook. It's becoming a familiar trend of mine in my unemployed days and I started speaking to CC, being a refereeing expert and a friend I can trust to be completely honest. I wanted a few pointers on how I did on the time he was there, but he just said I did OK and pointed out I may have got an offside wrong but, "it happens". It is not this I want your opinion of either...

CC then moved on to another subject. He was stood with everyone else and told me, incredibly honestly, that these people may have made a couple of comments. Homophobic comments. I know these people, most of these people are friends and people I know, not strangers. He said a couple of comments were made by one particular person and a couple of, "actions". I can accept that they were never intended to be hurtful or spiteful to me. I know they were just mucking about, but do you think there was any need for them to do it? It is this I want your opinion on.

Should I be angry or annoyed that these people, who aren't bad people, that they think it OK to make comments and actions that could very easily be percieved as insulting to me? When CC first told me, I thought I wasn't so bothered. They are good mannered people and they didn't mean anything by it.

But since then, I just haven't stopped thinking about it. I still think they were never supposed to be hurtful, but I wonder why they felt it necessary to say these things and do these things anyway? They must have known I may have taken it badly if I were to hear them or consequently find out like I did. So are they just not bothered? Do they think it's OK to say such things if they don't think the subject of their words will be bothered?

And I wonder if acquaintances and friends feel like they can get away with it, what's to say complete strangers, who don't know me, will think otherwise? I have never had any bother at all, so tonight's events are the first.

Or am I overreacting? Am I just taking it too seriously? They never meant to hurt me so should I just take it as banter and accept it? I don't know... I'm not so sure I should accept it as it is still a sensitive subject to me. I have been much more open about my sexuality now, even telling someone else tonight who didn't know a thing, but can I just accept such comments as banter? How far does it have to get to become insulting?

So many questions... I would really like all of the opinions of whoever reads this. Because I never thought it would trouble me as much as it has..

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