Pole-Axed

Have you ever felt that feeling where every time you swallow, you feel even more tired? That slight pain you get in your throat every time you have a drink or eat some toast? It's there this morning and I feel terrible. The last couple of days I've had a major headache but, for the first time in a long time, refused to be plagued by it and got up and went to work. Which, as is usually the case, has been long and itchingly terrible. The manageress I was on about had another go on me, in an almost, "Lets pick on Tom week" manner, and The Wall has gone back to his old habits of being a nuisance. Part of me is annoyed, but the other half is too tired to join it's twin in being disgruntled.

It's not as if I can go to sleep at the moment either. No chance. Football this morning and it is the classic grudge match, MAFC vs Renhold. On a par with Man Utd vs Man City, Arsenal vs Spurs or Rangers vs Celtic. Although technically, every game in this league is a local derby, this particular match has always had a certain element of spice in it as we have both followed each other up the leagues since we formed 3 years ago, always fighting for the title, that has gone to Renhold each time. Am I bothered though? This morning I'm certainly not, and to be honest, I look forward to the moment I can pull the covers over my tired eyes and say goodbye to the world for a few hours. Whatever the score.

However, the fear of making a mistake is still there. Rains that The Amazon would be proud of has scaled our land which makes my job all the more difficult and the embarrassment of making a mistake still looms large in my head even if my heart says I shouldn't be. I can't possibly imagine Rob Green's need for the ground to open up and swallow him this Summer, but it is nothing to the pain I would feel. Mr Green didn't have to work all night.. I can tell you what goes through my head. If it's 1-1, and my team-mates run around working their butts off, only for their keeper, standing in his goal not exerting himself at all, makes a silly mistake, imagine the others. All that work for nothing. I couldn't stand it.

Still, on the bright side, I only have to work 1 more, fairly innocuous shift, before I get the pleasure of my fortnightly four days off in which I can enjoy and do whatever I please with. I feel the need to go on an adventure somewhere, go for a large drive to some other place that isn't here and, honestly, just get a bit drunk. Although, obviously not at the same time as the driving... It feels like it's been ages since the days of complete nonsense. Walking home in the snow, freezing, or jumping over bushes to find yourself nearly impaled on a rusty old fence the other days, or simply ripping off 'To Let' signs. I miss those times.

Yes, I am truly fed up of BP times now. Doing the same thing day-in, day-out, (or night-in, night-out), and it's becoming mind-numbing. Many people comment saying how they find it impossible that a human being can work the hours I do, and I have to say, I completely agree with them. Although, most of them seem to think I don't sleep during the day, meaning I don't sleep at all.. Yeah, the intelligence we recieve isn't of Stephen Hawking proportions. At the times where I have thought this before, I have reminded myself of the 4 days off I get, or the money on the 15th of every month, but this time I have resorted to day-dreaming about university times. I can't help myself. The freedom, the chance of a future, the independance. I now can't find the reason I didn't go before. I regret it, but at least I can take some consolation from the fact I haven't left it too late.

Even The Wall went to university apparently. How he ended up working in the worst job in history baffles me, but then I think, of course, he's lying. Or he's an idiot. Or both. Definitely both.

Cya x