The Importance of Not Being Idle

The importance of having friends who understand and trust you can never be underestimated. If this trust and understanding is developed then nothing gets in your way and you can feel you can tell them anything. This is a good friendship, and I have a couple like that.

The importance of not being on your own and to not wallow in your own self pity is vital to success and happiness. I can't imagine being on my own for a long length of time. I feel in the past I have been oh so alone, but for years? I wouldn't be able to do it. I very nearly didn't do it when I felt it for a few days.. It's saddening.

I've been thinking today. What is the real reason I am feeling so down? Is it because I am alone? No. I have 510 facebook friends who say otherwise! (sad.. i know..). Is it because I have not been given an opportunity in life? No. I've had a good education and good teachers - it was just my incompetence that let me down. You live and learn by your mistakes and all is not lost. Is it because I am not trusted? Partly.. My parents admitted the other day that they can't believe whatever I say and that is the bottom line of distrust. It's painful. But what can you do other than get on with it? Is it because I don't know where I'm going in life? Yes. My main concern is that I have no idea what I want to do for a living, how I want to settle down and what I want to do with the 70 odd years I have left of my life. I can't keep moving from dead end job to dead end job because that would kill me.. What am I going to do?

The optimist in life would say "Go out and find your luck!" We all know now children, that I am not this. Me being an optimist is like Jack Dee being funny. It just ... isn't. I can't change that. Boy, I've tried thinking optimistically and trying to think "happy thoughts", but it plays on my mind that deep down I am just covering up the true me. The pessimist inside me.. Now I feel I cannot change this and even if I can it'll cost me money..

That's another thing aswell. Money. A couple of years back I said to someone "money isn't important, they are just bits of paper". How wrong I was. You can't do anything in life without money and you can do everything in life with it. Being young has its advantages. I don't have to pay for bills or food or electricity but if I do find a job, I'll feel like I'm on awful pay despite not needing that money... If you don't understand that it doesn't matter. I do.

One thing has always been playing on my mind though. Something that money can't buy, (no its not a MasterCard). Family. I do love them I really really do but I can't show it. To be fair, me telling you this is not gonna be useful in any way shape or form. But I do wish I was 12 again..

Obviously my life isn't one huge sorry arse piece of crap. I do have things I enjoy, mainly sport based, and I do have fun and have a laugh occasionally which is great. I keep physically fit, (although my performance at 5-a-side today would suggest otherwise.. blame it on the turkey!) and I'm in general good physical health. No complaints on that side of me.

Mentally? I'm nowhere.

Ciao x