I Won't Wave The White Flag

I've felt very down the last couple of days. I know the exact reason for it, (although I don't really..) and I know that things will pick up soon as they always do before going back down and back up again. That's my life. The Life of the Manic Depressive.

Some people may think I'm overreacting or trying to get attention from being "manically depressed" but the thing is, when I'm at my lowest, I feel I have the ability to do anything I wanted without giving a damn. Why should it matter when there is nothing to live for? I had a deep discussion with a friend of mine who is also having a tough time of it. He knows what I was talking about. I'd like to thank him also for keeping my head above water, as I was the closest I have been for a long time to going under.. Cheers Stick.

The vital fact of the matter is however, is that I am still here. I have refused to wave the white flag and surrender and have had just enough mental power to not do something that will hurt a lot of people.. Oh boy, I have seriously thought about it and then thought I don't have the bottle to do it. If you haven't a clue what I'm talking about, please do ask, but don't say what you think when you hear the answer - because it's impossible for me not to think like that..

I will leave my deep subconsciousness for a brief while however by talking about the good points of this week. Its Sunday, (something I only realised a few hours ago) and thought about the week I have had. It hasn't been bad to tell the truth. Yesterday was an all round good day, despite town being useless at night and the day I nearly got the job was half a success aswell.. so not all bad bad bad.. However, I can't help think about the bad times with the good you know.. I have to balance it up. Why do I have to do that? No idea...

A new week tomorrow then and I'm sure a week that holds much the same in store.. Pointless living followed by a curry or 2 and more bitterly cold weather. Ive just thought, I would love to go on a roadtrip somewhere next week.. Just on my own.. clear my head a bit while listening to Greg James on Radio 1. That would be good. I'll see what happens but I'm sure it won't become a reality.

I won't use the same line as I have done recently to finish a blog entry.. you all know the answer.

Ciao x