As Time Goes By

As time goes by I will always be the same old average person whatever I do. Again, I am writing this blog in the early hours of the morning after a rather scintillating discussion with CW! I do love those chats! They don't happen very often but when they do I feel I can open up and let loose what I'm feeling. And it turns out I gave him some useful advice aswell - which is a first for me!

I have applied for tens more jobs since I last spoke to you and I have a bad feeling not one of them will work out. Each job has about 120,000 applicants so the odds of getting it are ... well ... 120,000/1... (Warning: Numbers may be slightly exaggerated). I get the feeling I'm going to be sitting up at the early hours of the morning doing nothing exceptional for a long time in to the future yet. Its a vicious cycle that I can't get out of. When you wake up very late, you go to sleep very late which means you get up very late and so on.. Bad times..

However, the main topic of the conversation today children is secrets. Secrets are overrated. Many friendships seem to rely on whether each other can keep the others secret. It's just a game that I don't like playing. It's no secret to the world now that I am Bi and that is a good thing. Most people seem to know now (except for the fam obviously... I'm working on it..) and no one seems that bothered! Great! Anyway, I'm getting off track. I don't like being in friendships that rely solely on keeping secrets. Surely everyone finds it hard to keep them? I very very rarely tell people my friends secrets and on the one occasion I did I faced tough consequences. Although it was technically quite funny... Oh well.. That friend was a "friend" that I ultimately didn't want so it's no loss! I don't regret telling that secret because I felt like that person needed to know, and who am I to create unhappiness in the world! I'll keep it all for myself! I have told other people other secrets but I trust them to "forget about them" and it won't come out so what's the harm in that right? I don't feel guilty. I don't feel guilt at all nowadays! Positive?
(Sorry, this paragraph has been a bit big - I must now leave a gap).



I left an extra large gap to make up for a horiffically long paragraph.. I hope you forgive me. I have "borrowed" my sister's iPod to keep me entertained during these dark, lonesome hours where I can't sleep. Currently listening to ... James Blunt? Ah well... not that bad actually! *changes song*... I feel, again, that I am blubbering on about nothing. I do have a habit of doing such a thing but I feel it takes up the page. I'm sure whoever is reading this would like to know what song I'm listening to anyway!

Moving on... A few nights ago, whilst lying in the darkness as awake a hedgehog would be at night, I thought I could make a bit of money by publishing this blog when I have about 200 entries? Its just an idea... another one of my scheming projects hey CW! (<<< Your clue is there <<<) ;)

Thats just a private conversation.. no one else is allowed access without knowledge of Mitten or Monkey! Ha! Last night also, (or it may have been the night before - I can't keep track nowadays..) I found a website where you can win a £1400 laptop for £30 if u were lucky enough or stupid enough to buy credits. WWW.MADBID.COM! You'd be mad to try it...

One last thing before I leave you to get on with your lives. I've been thinking recently, and also in light of tonight's discussion with CW, about whether I help people enough. I have helped NH out recently by shipping her to Letchworth for her reasons and tonight I helped CW out and earlier I bought Kettle a pizza out of the goodness of my heart. But am I doing enough to help the friends who have been there for me so very well over the last couple of years? Maybe I am... or maybe I'm just too pessimistic to think otherwise..

Mentally, I'm nowhere.

Bye x