The Fat Parking Meter

There have been a few stories, some funny and some painful, about the joys of parking meters over the years. In fact, I can only think of one. It resulted in a probable broken set of ribs for Kettle as he sprinted straight into the middle of one, in the dark. Since then, the argument for making parking meters to wear Hi-Vi jackets has been proven.

This morning though, a not so funny one. You see, I had decided, as I said earlier, to not embarrass myself on Christmas morning and went to buy some presents for the fammo but nearly didn't make it into town at all due to a ridiculous parking meter, its subsequent system and a workaholic traffic warden.

De Parys Avenue charges for parking, which in itself is an absolute disgrace, and the only £1 coin I had in my wallet went into the machine. Except I thought the trend was, "I pay you and you give me a ticket", but apparently, this parking meter was being what I was going to do this Christmas. Taking and not giving. Great. I had no more change, so I had to ring the automated service. The most pointless device ever created, and possibly the worst.

It asked me to verify my car number plate. W-4-9-8 ... J-F-G .... Did you say V458 AFD? Nooooooo! How stupid are you?!

"What is the make of your car?"

"Citroen"

"Did you say ... Proton?"

I mean, really? Who drives around in a Proton? Is this the return karma for my actions of last Saturday night? I eventually got it to repeat my details correctly, before waltzing off into town, making sure not to slip on the vast quantities of ice that had formed and got my presents in double quick time before heading back to the car, colder than an eskimo in shorts.

Yeah, you can guess what's going to happen can't you. A small yellow sleeve had appeared on my windscreen notifying me that a PCN had been issued and I had to pay a £50 fine! What sort of egid works on a Christmas Eve morning, dishing out parking fines??? I was incensed. I rang the number immediately and said, "Your stupid machine swallowed my money so I had to ring the f****** automated number and STILL you give me a ticket?!" ... Admittedly, the woman on the other end of the phone, seeing as it was early in the morning, took my abuse quite well and then went on to tell me she did have record of my payment and to throw the PCN away as she had cancelled it. Thank Ian Bell for that!

All of that for trying to make an iota of effort this Christmas. I knew I shouldn't have bothered! No, I suppose if I'm going to live through it, I might aswell take part to the best of my ability. But now, seeing as it's work as usual tonight, I'm off to bed.

Night x